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111 The One With Mrs. Bing宾太太(钱德之母)
111 宾太太(钱德之母)
[Scene: A Street: Monica and Phoebe are walking to a newsstand.] Phoebe: Do you think they have yesterday's daily news? Monica: Why? Phoebe: Just wanna check my horoscope, see if it was right. Monica: Oh my God. (Grabs Phoebe and turns her away) Phoebe. Don't look now, but behind us is a guy who has the potential to break our hearts and plunge us into a pit of depression. Phoebe: Where? (Turns to face him) Ooh, come to Momma. Monica: He's coming. Be cool, be cool, be cool. (The guy walks past them) Guy: Nice hat. Monica and Phoebe: (in unison) Thanks. (The guy walks on) Phoebe: We should do something. Whistle. Monica: We are not going to whistle. Phoebe: Come on, do it. Monica: No! Phoebe: Do it! Monica: No! Phoebe: Do it do it do it! Monica: (Shouts to the guy) Woo-woo! (The guy turns round, startled. Monica points to Phoebe. The guy gets hit by a truck) Phoebe: I can't believe you did that! Opening Credits [Scene: Hospital, the guy is in a coma and Mon and Pheebs are visiting.] Monica: Why did I 'woo-hoo'? I mean, what was I hoping would happen? That-that he'd turn round and say 'I love that sound, I must have you now'? Phoebe: I just wish there was something we could do. (Bends down and talks to him) Hello. Hello, Coma Guy. GET UP, YOU GIRL SCOUT! UP! UP! UP! Monica: Phoebe, what are you doing? Phoebe: Maybe nobody's tried this. Monica: I wish we at least knew his name... Look at that face. I mean, even sleeping, he looks smart. I bet he's a lawyer. Phoebe: Yeah, but did you see the dents in his knuckles? That means he's artistic. Monica: Okay, he's a lawyer, who teaches sculpting on the side. And- he can dance! Phoebe: Oh! And, he's the kinda guy who, when you're talking, he's listening, y'know, and not saying 'Yeah, I understand' but really wondering what you look like naked.
你想他们有昨天的报纸吗? 干嘛? 我只是想看我的星运准不准 天啊,菲比,别看 你背后有个将会令我们 伤心欲绝的帅哥 在哪儿? 朝妈妈这来呀. 他来了,酷一点… 好帽子 谢谢 我们应该有所行动,吹口哨 我不吹 快吹/不/吹,吹,吹 我无法相信你会这样 我为何会学狼叫? 我期望会发生什么? 他回头说”我喜欢那声音 我现在就要你”? 我只希望我们能帮上一点忙 昏迷中的帅哥 起来!起来!起来! Phebe,你在干什么? 或许没人试过这一招 希望至少能知道他的名字 瞧他这张脸 即使他在昏迷中仍一副聪明样 我猜他是个律师 但是,你看见他手关节上的凹凸么? 那说明他是个艺术家 他是个兼职教雕塑的律师 而且他会跳舞 他是那种静静听你讲话的人 不是说”我了解” 而猜想着你裸体的样子 我希望男生都像他这样 我知道 纽约难道没有适合你们的清醒男生? 他身旁没人照顾 对,我们觉得应该负起责任
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Monica: I wish all guys could be like him. Phoebe: I know. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are telling everyone about their coma guy.] Chandler: Are there no conscious men in the city for you two? Monica: He doesn't have anyone. Phoebe: Yeah, we-we feel kinda responsible. Joey: I can't believe you said woowoo. I don't even say woowoo. Rachel: Oh, she's coming up! She's coming up! (Turns on the TV) Jay Leno: (on TV) Folks, when we come back we'll be talking about her new book, 'Euphoria Unbound': the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing. You might wanna put the kids to bed for this one. (Everyone has settled down to watch, except Chandler) Chandler: Y'know, we don't have to watch this. Weekend At Bernie's is on Showtime, HBO, and Cinemax. Rachel: No way, forget it. Joey: C'mon, she's your mom! Chandler: Exactly. Weekend At Bernie's! Dead guy getting hit in the groin twenty, thirty times! No? Rachel: Chandler, I gotta tell you, I love your mom's books! I love her books! I cannot get on a plane without one! I mean, this is so cool! Chandler: Yeah, well, you wouldn't think it was cool if you're eleven years old and all your friends are passing around page 79 of 'Mistress Bitch.' Ross: C'mon, Chandler, I love your mom. I think she's a blast. Chandler: You can say that because she's not your mom. Ross: Oh, please... (Rachel opens the door to Paolo) Paolo: Bona sera. Rachel: Oh, hi sweetie. (They kiss) Ross: When did Rigatoni get back from Rome? Monica: Last night. Ross: Ah, so then his plane didn't explode in a big ball of fire?... Just a dream I had- but, phew. Phoebe: Hey hey hey! She's on! Paolo: Ah! Nora Bing! Jay Leno: (on TV) ...Now what is this about you-you being arrested i-in London? What is that all about? Phoebe: Your mom was arrested? Chandler: Shhh, busy beaming with pride. Mrs. Bing: (on TV) ...This is kind of embarrassing, but occasionally after I've been intimate with a man... Chandler: Now why would she say that's embarrassing? All: Shhh.
我不敢相信你会吹口哨 连我都不吹口哨 她出现了 各位,稍后我们将谈论她的新书 ”豪放女” 永远引人人胜的诺拉泰勒宾 你得叫你的孩子上床睡觉了 我们别看这个 电影台有许多好电影 不行,没门 拜托,作者是你妈妈! 柏尼斯之周末夜 死人的腹股沟被打二,三十次 钱德勒,我得告诉你 我爱你妈的书 飞机上没她的书陪伴 我会度日如年 她的书简直是酷毙了 如果你小时候朋友争相传阅 ”情妇婊子”的79页,你就不会认为酷了 拜托,我爱你妈 她是第一流的 你当然能这样说 因为她不是你妈 拜托 亲爱的 那个意大利人何时从罗马回来? 昨晚 他的飞机没在空中炸成火球? 只是我做过的一个梦? 但是。。。 她出现了 啊,诺拉宾 等会儿再谈你的书吧 听说你在伦敦被逮捕? 你妈被逮捕? 安静,我正感到无比的骄傲 说来有点难为情 不经意和一个男人亲热后 她怎会说难为情? 嘘 只因我很想吃宫保鸡丁 透露太多了!
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Mrs. Bing: (on TV) ...I just get this craving for Kung Pow Chicken. Chandler: THAT'S TOO MUCH INFORMATION!! Jay Leno: (on TV) Alright, so now you're doing this whole book tour thing, how is that going? Mrs. Bing: (on TV) Oh, fine. I'm leaving for New York tomorrow, which I hatebut I get to see my son, who I love... All: Awww! Chandler: This is the way that I find out. Most moms use the phone. Jay Leno: (on TV) Y'know, don't take this wrong, I-I just don't see you a-as a mom, somehow.. I don't mean that, I don't mean that bad... Mrs. Bing: (on TV) Oh no, I am a fabulous mom! I bought my son his first condoms. (The gang turn to look at Chandler) Chandler: ...And then he burst into flames. [Scene: The Hospital, it's a montage of Monica and Phoebe's visit to the hospital with My Guy playing in the background. It starts with Monica reading a newspaper to him.] Monica: Let's see. Congress is debating a new deficit reduction bill... the mayor wants to raise subway fares again... the high today was forty-five... and- oh, teams played sports. [Next is a shot of them dragging an enormous plant into the room, then Monica knitting a sweater, then Phoebe singing, then Phoebe shaving him and chatting to Monica] Phoebe: What about Glen? He could be a Glen. Monica: Nah... not-not special enough. Phoebe: Ooh! How about Agamemnon? Monica: Waaay too special. [Scene: A Mexican Restaurant, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler and his mom are there.] Mrs. Bing: I am famished. What do I want... (Looks at Chandler's menu) Chandler: Please God don't let it be Kung Pow Chicken. Mrs. Bing: Oh, you watched the show! What'd you think? Chandler: Well, I think you need to come out of your shell just a little. Ross: (Entering) What is this dive? Only you could've picked this place. Mrs. Bing: Oooh, c'mon, shut up, it's fun. Gimme a hug. (They both sit down) Well, I think we're ready for some tequila. Chandler: I know I am. Mrs. Bing: Who's doing shots? Monica: Yeah. Phoebe: I'm in. Mrs. Bing: There y'go. Ross? Ross: Uh, I'm not really a shot drinking kinda guy. (Enter Rachel and Paolo. They are both somewhat flustered)
现在你正为新书做宣传 情况如何? 还不错,明天我将前往纽约 其实我不喜欢纽约 我的儿子住那儿,我爱他. 母亲只会透过电话这么说 别会错意 只是我看不出你已为人母 我绝对没有恶意 不,我是个很前卫的母亲 我儿子的第一个保险套 是我买给他的 然后他就欲火焚身 国会正讨论新削算赤字法案 市长想再度提高地铁票价 今天最高气温是45度 还有各球队正在比赛 格伦如何? 可以叫他格伦 不,还不够特别 阿格曼侬如何? 太特别了 我饿死了,我想吃什么呢? 拜托,别又是宫保鸡丁 你看了那节目,感觉如何? 我觉得你可以更开放一些… 为何选在这种二流餐厅? 只有你才会选这种地方 闭嘴,这样满不错的 来,抱一个 我想我们可以喝点龙舌酒了 我知道我可以 谁要来点儿 我也要 我也要 给你。罗斯? 我不喝酒 抱歉,我们迟到了 我们有点忘了时间 男人可以改变 有人要我评价任何事物吗? 宾太太,我得告诉你 我拜读过你所有的大作
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Rachel: Hi! Sorry- sorry we're late, we, uh, kinda just, y'know, lost track of time. Ross: ...But a man can change. (Downs a shot) [Time lapse. Ross is now clearly drunk. He is holding up a shot glass to his eye like a jeweller's eye.] Ross: Anyone want me to appraise anything? (Rachel feeds something to Paolo. He eats it and licks her hand) Rachel: Mrs. Bing, I have to tell you, I've read everything you've ever written. No, I mean it! I mean, when I read Euphoria at Midnight, all I wanted to do was become a writer. Mrs. Bing: Oh, please, honey, listen, if I can do it, anybody can. You just start with half a dozen European cities, throw in thirty euphemisms for male genitalia, and bam! You have got yourself a book. Chandler: Myyy mother, ladies and gentlemen. [Cut to Mrs. Bing on the telephone.] Mrs. Bing: Yeah, any messages for room 226? (Ross emerges from a toilet marked 'Chicas') Mrs. Bing: You okay there, slugger? Ross: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. (A woman emerges from the toilet behind him and he tries to pretend he was in the other one) Mrs. Bing: What is with you tonight? Ross: Nothing. Nothing nothing nothing. Mrs. Bing: (To phone) Okay, thank you. (To Ross) It's the Italian Hand-Licker, isn't it. Ross: No. It's the one he's licking. Mrs. Bing: She's supposed to be with you. Ross: You're good. Mrs. Bing: Oh, Ross, listen to me. I have sold a hundred million copies of my books, and y'know why? Ross: The girl on the cover with her nipples showing? Mrs. Bing: No. Because I know how to write men that women fall in love with. Believe me, I cannot sell a Paolo. People will not turn three hundred twenty-five pages for a Paolo. C'mon, the guy's a secondary character, a, y'know, complication you eventually kill off. Ross: When? Mrs. Bing: He's not a hero. ...You know who our hero is. Ross: The guy on the cover with his nipples showing? Mrs. Bing: No, it's you! Ross: Please. Mrs. Bing: No, really, c'mon. You're smart, you're sexy... Ross: Right. Mrs. Bing: You are gonna be fine, believe me. (She kisses him on the cheek) Ross: Uh-oh...
我是说真的 我读”浪漫夜”后 就一心想成为作家 别这么说 我能办到大家都能办到 你只需先描述几个欧洲城市 以委婉语形容男性生殖器 这样就能写成一本书了 各位,我母亲 226房有留言吗? 你还好吧,猛男? 我还好 你今晚怎么了? 没什么 谢谢 是因为那个意大利舔手男? 不,是因为被他舔的人 她应该和你在一起 你真行 罗斯,我卖出上亿本的书 知道为什么吗? 因为封面上的辣妹露两点? 不,因为我知道怎样去描写 会被女人们爱上的男人 相信我,保罗没有卖点 没人有兴趣翻325页 看保罗的罗曼史 他不过是个二等货 不过是最后被你终结的纠葛 什么时候? 他不女人心中的英雄 知道我们心中的英雄 是什么样的么? 封面上露两点的猛男? 是你啊 不,我是说真的 你既聪明又性感 是呀 你会走出阴霾的,相信我 我到街上尿就好了 钱德勒在吗? 昨晚的事你没告诉钱德勒吧? 好极了,因为我想不需告诉他
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(...Then full on the mouth) (Enter Joey) Joey: Uhhhh.... I'll just pee in the street. Commercial Break [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the next morning. Joey is getting the door in his dressing gown?it's Ross.] Ross: Hey, is Chandler here? Joey: Yeah. (Ross drags Joey into the hall and slams the door) Ross: Okay, uh, about last night, um, Chandler.. you didn't tell... (Joey shakes his head) Okay, 'cause I'm thinking- we don't need to tell Chandler, I mean, it was just a kiss, right? One kiss? No big deal? Right? Joey: Right.
 

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