PEP 小学英语六年级上册各单元作文范例及点评
(2009-05-15 00:11:
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分类: 英文学习
杂谈
Li Ying ’S Hobby Li Ying likes English very much. She works hard at it. She reads English every morning. She likes speaking English. She often listens to the radio. She watches TV only on Saturday evening. Does she like dancing? No, she doesn’t. But she likes drawing and singing. Her parents love her. And all the teachers and her friends like her, too. She says her hobbies make her happy.
【要领点评】 要领点评】 这一篇写爱好的文章,小作者的写作思路很值得我们学 习,他没有具体写到刘莹的某一种爱好,而是从学习到课余
的多种爱好入手,对刘莹的各种爱好进行了粗线条地勾画. 从“爱好”这个角度来看刘莹的话,我们会觉得这个形象很 饱满。 小朋友们写这种“叙事写人”作文时,可以从两个角度下 手:一是具体地描绘;二是和上面小朋友一样,粗线条地 勾画,二者各有所长,另处在行文中使用一些问句,使用 一些转述的话,可以使作文更有灵气,避免了平铺直叙的 缺点。比如上文的“Does she like dancing? No, she doesn’t.” 和“she says her hobbies make her happy.”就是十分不错的句 子,使读者眼前为之一亮。
Don’t be against the traffic rules I go to school from Monday to Friday .I go to school by bike at 7:30 in the morning .I must cross two busy roads .If the traffic light is red or yellow,I know I can’t cross the road ,so I wait. If the light turns green, I know it means “Go”, and then I walk across the road .I always ride on the right side of the road .I am never against the traffic rules.
【要领点评】 要领点评】 这篇作文的题目是“不要违反交通规则”,小作者没有说 一些空话,而是从自己的经历写起,叙述自己以什么方式 去上学,在上学的路上是怎么做的,很形象。 小朋友们在作文时注意不要图大, 那样很容易使文章显 得空洞,而要写自己身边熟悉的事情。要注意行文中字母 的大小写、句子的标点符号等。
I Love My Family Here is a photo lf my family. These are four people in my family. They are my father, my mother, my brother and I. My father is a doctor. He works in a hospital far away. He goes to work by subway. My mother is a teacher. She works in a school near my home. She goes to work by bike. After work, they like reading books. Who is the tall boy? He is my brother. He is five years older than me. He is a singer. He’s now in Beijing. He goes there by plane.
I love my family.
【要领点评】 要领点评】 一个平凡的题材,一篇生动的作文。这样的命题,我们 可能面对几次,甚至几十次了。但这位小朋友的笔端很是 灵巧,了了数言,让一个幸福的家庭跃然纸上,很值得我 们去思考,我们能做到吗? 小朋友的这篇作文除了语言优美之外, 在结构上也有闪 光之处。先总说,将自己的家人逐个介绍一遍,后分说, 把家人的工作、上班方式,爱好一一细说。最后以一句话 进行概括,起到点题的作用。我们在写类似的作文的时候 是不是也可以借鉴呢?
How to get to the science museum We are going to the science museum tomorrow. There is an old thing show in the Museum. Do you know how we can get to the science museum?
The science museum is next to the People’s Park. It’s isn’t far from our school. So we can go there on foot .Walk straight to the west from our school, next turn left at the post office and walk for about 5 minutes, then turn right at traffic lights. You can find the People’s Park on the right . Walk straight, and you’ll see the science museum.
【要领点评】 要领点评】 这篇作文的题目是“怎样去科学博物馆”。怎样才算是一 篇好作文呢?通过你的叙述, 能让别人很容易找到博物馆, 这应是最基本的要求。小作者在文中告诉我们什么呢?首 先他写了去博物馆的位置,最后浓墨重彩,指明从学校去 博物馆的具体路线,这条路线够清晰吧! 小朋友们在写这类作文的时候,总有些无从下手的感 觉,不知从何说起。其实介绍路线,无非就是告诉他人某 段路的起点和终点,还有就是如何从起点走到终点。要给 他人说清楚, 你自己首先得清楚, 然后再通过自己的叙述, 将路线清清楚楚得呈现出来。一定要注意行文中一些关键 的地方,如在哪儿转弯,向哪儿转,经过哪些重要的交通
标志或显眼的标志建筑等。这样,你就能说清,别人也能 弄明白。
Planting Trees It’s spring. It’s time to plant trees. I want to plant a tree in our garden. Dad and Mum are very happy. They like green. Dad helps me plant the tree. First, we dig the soil. Then I put a little tree into the soil. Next I water it. I am so excited and I wait for the tree to grow. Two weeks later, my tree has some little leaves. I water it every day. Now it has lots of leaves. It grows fast. We should plant more trees. They make our world beautiful.
【要领点评】 要领点评】 小作者写了一次植树的经历, 但他并没有单纯拘泥于植 树的过程。既有过程,也有感觉,能使文章打动读者,给
人以启发。作文的最后一段就非常好,两句话胜似千言万 语。我们可以学习一下这种写法。 既描述过程,又适时提自己的看法或想法的写法,在作文 中叫做“夹叙夹议”,描述过程为了提出一种思想服务,提出 看法或想法使原本平实的描述有了意义。我们在以后的写 作中也可以试一试。
Let’s have a nice day It’s Sunday tomorrow .I’m going to the bookstore with my friends tomorrow morning .We are going to look for some good books .We all like reading books .We are going to eat our lunch at the restaurant. I like chicken, beef and vegetables .After lunch, we are going to the Summer Palace by bus. We are going to play near the Kunming Lake. Maybe we are going to row a boat on the lake .Wow, that will be relaxing. We are coming back at 5pm.
【要领点评】 要领点评】
怎样才称得上是“美好的一天”?有两点不能忘记,一是 安排得充实,二是安排得有意义。这两点小作者无疑都想 到了,上午去书店看书买书,中午在饭店吃饭,下午去颐 和园玩耍、划船,丰富多彩!文章以时间为线索,叙述清 楚,文笔也很优美。 小朋友们在写这种叙事的文章时, 要尽量给读者交代好 时间、地点、人物和活动等,使文章有血有肉。要看好是 写过去发生的事情,还是现在正在做的事情,或计划、打 算要做的事情, 以选择适当的句型。 如果是写将来的事情, 那么就要注意在表述时多用“be going to+动词原形”这种 句型。还有一点也很重要,那就是故事的线索要交代好, 让读者在阅读时对整个过程一目了然。
 

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