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英文幽默故事: 英文幽默故事: 幽默故事 There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot. There werethree parrots in the shop. One was $5,000; another one, $10,000; and the third one, $30,0
  00. The customer asked the owner, “How come this guy is $5,000? That’s so expensive for this kindof parrot.” The owner said, “Because I have trained him and he can talk.” So the customer asked him, “How about this guy? What can he do that makes him so expensive?” The owner said, “Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on. That’s why he’s so expensive.” Then the customer said, “How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” The owner of the shopsaid, “I don’t know. Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor whistle, nor sing, nothing at all! But the other two call him ‘The Boss.’” 老板最大 有个人到一间商店买鹦鹉。店里有三只鹦鹉,其中一只卖五千元,另 一只卖一万元,还有一只卖三万元。顾客问老板: 「为什么这只要卖五千元?这 个价钱对这种鹦鹉来说太贵了! 」老板说: 「因为我有训练他讲话。 」顾客又问: 「那这只呢?他会做什么?为什么要卖这么贵?」老板说: 「他除了会说话之外, 还会表演一些有趣的动作,好比说跳舞等等,所以才卖这么贵。 」顾客接着又问: 「那第三只呢?他会做什么?为什么要卖这么贵?」老板说: 「我不知道。我从 没听过他讲话、吹口哨或唱歌,也没看过他跳舞,什么都没有!不过另外两只叫 他: 『老板!」 』
Where is the egg? Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word "egg"? Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday. Teacher:Then where is the “egg"? Student:In the cake,Sir.
鸡蛋在哪里? 老师:你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗? 学生:可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。 老师: “鸡蛋”在哪? 学生:在蛋糕里,先生
Tom is a little boy, and he is only seven years old. Once he goes to a cinema. It is the first time for him to do that. He buys a ticket and goes in. But after two or three minutes he comes out, and buys the second ticket and goes in again. After a few minutes he comes out again and buys the third ticket. Two or three minutes after that he comes out and asks for another ticket. But a girl asks him,“Why do you buy so many tickets? How many friends do you meet?” “No, I have no friends here, but a big woman always stops me at the door and cuts up my ticket.” 汤姆是个小孩, 他才 7 岁。 当他去电影院的时候。那时他第一次去。他买了张 票进去了。 但没过两三分钟他就出来了,然后买了第二张票又进去了。 几分钟 后他又出来买了第三张票。 接着两三分钟后他又出来买票。 一个女的问她, “你 为什么要买那么多票啊? 你见到了几个朋友?" "没有, 我里面没朋友, 但是每 当我进门的时候一位大的女人老把我的票给剪了"
Child:My uncle has 1000 men under him. Man:He is really somebody.What does do? Child:A maintenance man in a cemetery 他真是一个大人物 小孩:我叔叔下面有 1000 个人。 男人:他真是一个大人物。他是干什么的? 小孩:墓地守墓人。
Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today? Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years. 一名伟人 老师:如果莎士比亚还活着,他会是一名伟人吗? 学生:当然。因为到目前为止,还没有人活到 400 多岁。
Mr. Smith: Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup. Waiter: Yes, sir, I knowit's the heat that kills it. 史密斯先生:服务员,我的汤里有一只死苍蝇. 服务员:是的,先生,我知道了,它是被烫死的.
Son: Dad, give me a dime. Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I guess you're right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you? 儿子:爸爸,给我一角钱。 父亲:儿子,你不认为你已经长大了,不该再老是一角一角地要钱了(该自立了), 不是吗? 儿子:爸爸,我想你是对的,那给我一块钱行吗?
A little kid fell in love with another little kid, a school mate. Sometimes the kids think they fall in love when they have a crush on someone else in the class, when they’re eight or ten years old or something like that. So the eight-year-old kid came back home and asked his father, “Father, is it expensive to be married?” And the father said, “Yes, son, it is very expensive.” So the son asked, “How much does it cost?” And the father said, “I don’t know, son. I’m still paying.”
有个小孩爱上了另一个小孩,对方是学校的同学。八岁或十岁左右的孩子有时会 迷恋班上某个人,然后就以为自己恋爱了。因此这个八岁的小孩回家问他爸爸: 「爸爸,结婚很花钱吗?」爸爸说: 「是啊,儿子,非常花钱。 」儿子又问: 「要 花多少钱呢?」爸爸说: 「我不知道,儿子,我到现在还一直在付钱啊! 」
"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?" "No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it." “孩子,你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵?它感染了吗?” “没有, 老师。 可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进, 一个耳朵里出, 所以我要把它堵在里面。 ”
“I'm sorry ,Madam ,but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .” “Twenty d ollars! Why ,I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!” “Yes, this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the but office .” “对不起,夫人,为您孩子拔牙我要收取 20 美元。 ” “20 美元!为什么?不是说好只要 4 美元。 ” “是的,但是你的孩子大喊大叫,把另外四个病人吓跑了。 ”
TWO: Teacher: all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to We contract. Now,can anyone give me a good example? John:Well ,in the summer the days are long,and in the winter the days are short. 老师:我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在,谁给我举个例子? 约翰:嗯,在夏天天都长,在冬天天都短。
The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?" "I'll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.". 教进化论的老师已经滔滔不绝地讲了快两个小时,他的话题又来了: “让我向进 化论者提个问题??如果我们曾经像狒狒那样长着尾巴, 那么现在尾巴到哪里去 了?” “我来试试看, ”一位老太太说。 “该是我们在这里坐这么久把它们磨掉了吧。 ”
A man was going to the house of some rich person. As he went along the road, he saw a box of good apples at the side of the road. He said, "I do not want to eat those apples; for the rich man will give me much food; he will give me very nice food to eat." Then he took the apples and threw them away into the dust. He went on and came to a river. The river had become very big; so he could not go over it. He waited for some time; then he said, "I cannot go to the rich man's house today, for I cannot get over the river." He began to go home. He had eaten no food that day. He began to want food. He came to the apples, and he was glad to take them out of the dust and eat them. Do not throw good things away; you may be glad to have them at some other time. 【译文】 一个人正朝着一个富人的房子走去,当他沿着路走时,在路的一边他 发现一箱好苹果,他说: “我不打算吃那些苹果,因为富人会给我更多的食物, 他会给我很好吃的东西。 ”然后他拿起苹果,一把扔到土里去。 他继续走,来到 河边,河涨水了,因此,他到不了河对岸,他等了一会儿,然后他说: “今天我 去不了富人家了,因为我不能渡过河。 他开始回家,那天他没有吃东西。他就 ” 开始去找吃的,他找到苹果,很高兴地把它们从尘土中翻出来吃了。 不要把好 东西扔掉,换个时候你会觉得它们大有用处。
A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了?” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆, ”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子, ”妈妈骄傲地说。 “再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?” “她是个卖糖果的。 ”
Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒 一天,父亲与小儿子一块儿回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年 龄, 老是有提不完的问题。 他向父亲发问道: “爸爸, ‘醉’ 字是什么意思?”“唔, 孩子, ”父亲回答说, “你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个,那么 “那儿只有一个警察呀! ” 我就算醉了。 “可是,爸爸, ”孩子说, ”
Sleeping Pills Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills. Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning." "That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"
安眠药 鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生,医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。 星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药,睡得很好,在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室, 遛达进去,对老板说: “我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。 ” “好啊!”老板吼道, “那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了?”
普通英语故事
Story 1 I Don’t Like Her Bob goes to a new school. One day he comes back, “Bob, do you like your new teacher?” his mother asks. “I don’t like her, Mother. Because first she says that three and three is six, and then she says that two and four is six, too.” 故事 1 我不喜欢她 鲍勃的去了所新学校。 一天, 他回到家,他妈妈问他: “你喜欢你的新老师吗?” “不,我不喜欢她,妈妈。因为她先说 3 加 3 等于
  6,然后她又说 2 加 4 等于
  6.”
Story 2 Ten Candies Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?” “Ten.” Jim says.
“Then,” Mother asks. “Yes, Mum. Four candles are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach. Four and six is ten, isn’t it right?” 故事 2 十块糖 妈妈问儿子: “吉姆, 如果你有 10 块糖,吃了 4 块,那你还有几块糖?” “10 块。 ”吉姆说。 “10 块?”妈妈问。 “是的,妈妈。因为 4 块在我的肚子里面,6 块在肚子外面,4 加 6 等于
  10,不对吗?” Story 3 Count Tomorrow Morning It’s a right. John is looking at the sky. Tom is John’s younger brother. He asks John “What are you doing?” John says, “I’m counting stars.” Tom laughs and says, “It’s really dark now. Why not count them tomorrow morning?” 故事 3 明天早上数 这是一个晚上。约翰抬头看着天空。 汤姆是约翰的弟弟。他问约翰: “你在干什么?” 约翰说: “我在数星星。 ” 汤姆笑着说: “现在天空太黑了。你为什么不等到明天早上再数呢?”
Story 4 Are Flies Yummy? Tony and his father are eating dinner. Suddenly Tony asks his father, “Dad, are flies yummy?” Dad frowns and says, “No, I think it’s yucky. Why do you ask me this question? It’s a silly question.” But Tony says, “ There was one fly in your plate.”
故事 4 苍蝇好吃吗? 托尼正和他爸爸一起吃晚餐。 突然,托尼问他的爸爸: “爸爸,苍蝇好吃吗?” 爸爸皱眉说: “我想不好吃。你怎么会问这个问题?这可是一个愚蠢的问题。 ” 可是托尼说: “刚才你盘子里有一只苍蝇。 ” Story 5 I Don’t Want to Walk Home Tom is a very old m
 

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