第七部分
不忘最后读一遍
40 分钟的写作,时间再紧,也要留出两三分钟的时间把文章通读 一遍,进行必要的修改。不要说我们初学写作的人,就是大作家写完 一个章节或一部小说后都要反复读上几遍。在限时、紧张的写作中, 出现错误,尤其是语言上的错误是不可避免的。如果把这些错误留在 那里,不得到改正,就会影响整篇文章的质量。阅卷人虽然不大会按 你文章中语言错误的累计数目进行扣分,但错误,尤其是一些幼稚的 错误,会给阅卷人员留下不好的印象,从而影响文章的分数。 那么修改应注意哪些方面呢?从结构方面来说: (
  1) 看一看中心 思想是不是突出?文章中有论述和材料是否都围绕着这个中心思想 展开?如发现个别句子或例子游离于中心思想之外, 甚至与中心思想 发生冲突,就应把它从文章中去掉。 (
  2)看一看段与段之间,句与句 之间是否连贯?衔接是否自然,或给人一种断裂、跳跃的感觉?如发 现这种情况,就要加一个句子或一些词,或改变一下说法,以求文章 的连贯。 但就修改来说,是主要还是放在语言上,即语法和词汇上。 以下各例中,a)表示错误的或不宜提倡的句子,b)表示正确 的或值得模仿的句子。

  1.动词谓语的时态是否有错 .
例 1 a) We college students had enough time to take a parttime job, no matter how busy we were ...
b) We college students have enough time to take a parttime job, no matter how busy we are ... 命题作文一般都是议论文,而写议论文一般都是用现在时态。只 有举例,提到过去的事才会用到过去时。
例 2 a) Riding bicycles had more advantages than taking a bus. b) Riding bicycles had more advantages than taking a bus. 考生中用过去时写作与他们教材课文体裁(大多为叙述文、说明 文)和平时写作练习(大多写个人经历的故事)有关,也与他们过度 概括有关,认为所有文章都用过去时。
例 3 a) There are so many countries using English that it had been regarded as an international language.
b) There are so many countries using English that it
has been regarded as an international language. 在论述同一事情,即发生在同一时间里的事时,前后半句或相邻 的几句在时态上要保持一致。

  2.主语和谓语,名词和代词,以及人称是否保持一致 .主语和谓语,名词和代词,
例 4 a) The eating habit of Chinese people have changed in the past decade. b) The eating habit of Chinese people has changed in the past decade. 不管主语和谓语隔开多远,主语当中还有修饰成分,谓语要和真 正的主语在数上保持一致。
例 5 a) Now fruits and vegetables can be seen everywhere when it is in season. b) Now fruits and vegetables can be seen everywhere when they are in season.
例 6 a) I feel proud to come to our university.
b) I feel proud to come to this university our 和主语 I 不一致,或把 our 改成 my,或改成 this。而这 里用 this 较妥。

  3. 修饰语是否放在正确的位置上 .
例 7 a) Without television, people can't get information which comes from other parts of the world immediately. b ) Without television, people can't immediately get information which comes from other parts of the world. a) 句子,immediately 显然放错了位置。是“得到迅速从各 地传来的消息” ,还是“迅速得到从各地传来的消息”?意思含糊不 清。
例8 a) At the age of six, my father began to give me English lessons. b) When I was five years old, my father began to give me English lessons. a) 句子,At the age of six 放在这个位置上,变成了“我父 亲六岁的时候” 。改变说法,可以解决这个问题。
例 9 a) To improve one's writing skill. regular practice is necessary. b) To improve one's writing skill, one must make regular practice. 不定式短语的逻辑主语决不是 regular practice, 为了把逻辑关 系表达清楚, 要么把不定式短语改成 If one wants to improve his writing skill , 要 么 把 主 句 改 成 one must make regular practice.

  4.表示相同的意思,是否用了平行语法结构 .表示相同的意思,
例 10 a) With the computer, one can do shopping, banking and read at home. b) With the computer, one can do shopping, banking and reading at home. can do shopping, banking and read at home, 用语法平 行结构来衡量,用动词原形 read 是不妥的,为了和 do shopping, do banking 保持结构上平行, 接下来的一个内容要用 do reading.
例 11
a) Nowadays, people not only eat enough food, but also eat better. b) Nowadays, people not only eat more, but also eat better. 用 not only...but also, both...and, whether...or,
either...or, as well as, along with 等能连接两个成分的连词,前 后 两 个 成 分 在 结 构 上 要 保 持 一 致 。 用 eat enough food, eat better 不如用 eat more, eat better,都用副词。
例 12 a) Participating in sports is good for our physical health, and through it we can also train our character. b) Participating in sports is good for our physical health, and it is also beneficial to our character-training. 在说同样的事时,相邻的句子尽可能在语法结构上保持一致。

  5.用代词时,指代是否清楚 .用代词时,
例 13 a) Sometimes teachers will inform students of the
heavy burden they have to bear. b) Sometimes a teacher will inform students of the heavy burden he has to bear. they 即可指代 teachers, 也可指代 students,明显的是指代 不清。其实只要把其中一个名词变成单数,用 he 和 they 分别代不 同的名词,就清楚了。因为 a teacher 也可泛指所有教师。
例 14 a) Someone believes that the teacher's task is to give students knowledge, which may not be true. b) Someone believes that the teacher's task is to give students knowledge, a notion which may not be true. which 指代什么不清楚,指 knowledge,还是指前面整个句 子?如果指 Someone believes,最好用 a notion 或 an idea 归 纳一下整个句子的意思,然后引出从句。
例 15 a) People have been fighting against the influence of TV commercials, but it often proves useless. b)People have been fighting against the influence of TV commercials, but the effort often proves useless. it 指什么?如指 influence,则在 it often proves useless 这
个句子中显然不通。写作人知道 it 指人们的努力,但 effort 这个词 前面没有出现过,就不能用 it。

  6. 相邻的句子,是否避免了不必要的结构转变 . 相邻的句子,
例 16 a) While we reuce the number of vehicles, the speed of traffic can be increased. b) While the number of vehiles is reduced, the speed of traffic is increased. 两个非常相关的意思,不要一个使用主动结构,一个使用被动结 构。
例 17 a) Each of us may take a parttime job to help support ourselves, but if you spend too much time on it, your study will be affected. b) Each of us may take a parttime job to help support ourselves, but too much time spent on it, our studies will be affected. 前半句用 each of us 和 ourselves,后半句却用 you 和 your study,应一致起来。

  7.可数名词与不可数名词是否用得正确 .
例 18 a) TV presents us with many useful informations. b) TV presents us with a lot of useful information 还有 evidence, advice, knowledge 等都是不可数名词, 都不 能用复数。另外, many, a great number of, another, few 等 只能与可数名词配用。而 a great amount of, a great deal of, less, much, 等应与不可数名词配用。
例 19 a) Making our cities greener is not an easy work. b) Making our cities greener is not an easy job. work 用作可数名词是“作品”这类意思,而表示“工作”时, 不可数。同样,在 Word has been sent out that those who cheat on exams will be punished.这个句子中,要用单数 word 表示“信息” 。
例 20 a)Each people has his own opportunities. b) Each person has his own opportunities.
people 作“人民”“人们”解时,是集体名词,不能与 each 、 配用。 a people 或 peoples 表示民族、国家。在正式语体中也不 能说 less people,而应说 few people。

  8.冠词是否用得正确 .
例 21 a) Book knowledge is important, but we should also learn something in the society. b) Book knowledge is important, but we should also learn something in society. 用定冠词 the, 是特指意义,而这里没有这个特指意义。同样, 在 When I was in the high school, I always have a beautiful picture of the college life 中,两个 the 都应去掉。
例 22 a) If there were no electirc power, we would have to do everything by the hands. b) If there were no electric power, we would have to do everything by hand. 表示用手 (by hand), 走路 (on foot), 上课 (in class), 上 学 (go to school), 住院 (at hospitable)等,都不用定冠词。
例 23 a) If there were no electric power, factory would stop producing goods, car, bus and train would stop running. b) If there were no electric power, factories would stop producing goods; cars, buses and trains would stop running. 用可数名词时,要么前面有冠词(the, a, an)或代词(his, her, my), 要么以复数形成出现。不能像中文名词那样没有语法变化。

  9.句子的主谓宾是否齐全。 .句子的主谓宾是否齐全。
例 24
a) TV now plays an important role in our daily life, Because we cannot live without it. b) TV now plays an important role in our daily life. because we cannot live without it. 中文用“因为”引出的句子可以独立,但英语不行,作为从句, 只能附属主句。
例 25
a) There are many ways to contact with society. For example, join in clubs, taking parttime jobs and helping the poor. b) There are many ways to contact with society, for example, joining clubs, taking parttime jobs and helping the poor. for example 引出的应是句子,如 For example we may join clubs, take part-time jobs and help the poor。有时也可 不自立为句,跟在一个句子后面,借用主语。
例 26 a) If no electricity, all activities such as watching TV and seeing movies will be impossible. b) If there is no electricity, all activities such as wathcing TV and seeing movies will be impossible. if no electricity(如果没有电) ,但句中的 no 不是动词,也就 是说这个从句缺了谓语。

  10.过渡词是否用得合适 .
例 27 a) Because some college graduates could not find a
better job, so they decided to continue to read for a second degree. b) As come college graduates could not find a better job, they decided to continue to read for a second degee. 汉语可以说 "because...so". " 因 为 ...... 所 以 ", 但 英 语 不 能 连 用
例 28 a) Although an opportunity is rare, but we must be ready to seize it. b) Although an opportunity is rare, we must be ready to seize it. 同样,汉语可以说“虽然......但日” ,而英语要么用 although, 要么用 but, 两者不能同时用。

  11.词语的搭配是否正确 .
例 29 a) We students should learn/study as much knowledge as possible. b) We students should acquire/obtain as much
knowledge as possible.
“学习知识”是考生作文中经常要表达的,但不少人用错。英语 中能和 knowledge 搭配的是 obtain, acquire, gain 等。
例 30 a) With a rise in the number of cars and buses, traffic in Shanghai has become more and more crowded. b) With a rise in the number of cars and buses, traffic in Shanghai has become increasingly heavier. traffic 不和 crowded 搭配, “交通拥挤繁忙” 应说 traffic 说 , is heavy/busy.如同中文里的 “速度快” 英语不说 "The speed of , cars is fast/quick." 而 是 说 "The speed of cars is
high/fantastic."或"cars are much faster."
例 31 a) People begin to eat more vice food. b) People begin to eat more non-staple foodstuff. 副 总 统 是 vice presidents, 副 食 品 应 是 non-staple
foodstuff, 而副经理、 副教授、 副作用分别是 assistant managers, associate professors, side effects,搭配不同。

  12.词语是否用得得当 .
例 32 a) Actually, traffic jams have effected our daily life. b) Actually, traffic jams have affected our daily life. 表示“不良影响” ,动词用 affect, 而不是 effect。
例 33 a) When old problems are solved, new problems will rise. b) When old problems are solved, new problems will arise. rise 是“起来”“上升”的意思,arise 才是“出现”的意思。 、
例 34 a) There are many factors leading to changes in people's diet. At first, people can afford expensive food. b) There are many factors leading to changes in people's diet. First, people can afford expensive food. At first 是“起先”的意思,暗示后来情况完全两样。表示“首 先” ,要用 first。就如 highly 和 high 是两个同的意思,前者是作 “非常”解,后者是“高”的意思。Women have risen high in social status.不能用 highly。

  13.是否重复使用了表示意思的词语 .
例 35 a) In my opinion, I
 

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