某人刻苦学习英语,终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞, 忙说:I am sorry.
老外应道:I am sorry too.
某人听后又道:I am sorry three.
老外不解,问:What are you sorry for?
某人无奈, 道: am sorry five. A person with six children or a person with $6 million, who I
is better satisfied? Why? The person with six children of course. Because the one with $6 million wants more. 一个有六个孩子的人和一个有 600 万美元的人,谁更满足?为什么? 当然是有六个孩子的那个,因为有 600 万美元那个还想要得更多。
Midway Tactics Three competing store owners rented adjoining(毗连的) shops in a mall. Observers waited (毗连的) for mayhem(故意的伤害罪,蓄意的破坏) to ensue. (故意的伤害罪,蓄意的破坏 The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, Gigantic Sale! and Super Bargains! The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, Prices Slashed! and Fantastic Discounts! The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, ENTRANCE. 中间战术
三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺,旁观者等着瞧好戏。 右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌,上书:大减价!特便宜! 左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌,声称:大砍价!大折扣! 中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌,上面只简单地写着:入口处。
Excuse for Speeding Harry and Lloyd were speeding down the road. A police car pulled them over. "Why on earth were you driving so fast?" the policeman yelled. "Our brakes are no good, so we wanted to get there before we had an accident!" 赶紧到达那里 哈里与劳埃德超速行驶,一辆警车拦住了他们。 “你们为什么开那么快?”警官喊道。 “我们的刹车不好,因此我们想在发生事故前赶紧到达目的地。”
The formula for water Teacher: What the chemical formula for water is the? Blonde: HIJKLMNO!! Teacher: What are you talking about? Blonde: Yesterday you said its H to O! 水的分子式 老师:水的分子式是什么? 花瓶:HIJKLMNO!! 老师:你在说什么? 花瓶:昨天你不是说 H to O 吗?
Who was the first man A teacher said to her class: “Who was the first man?” “George Washington,”a little boy shouted promptly. “How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?”asked the teacher, smiling indulgently. “Because,”said the little boy,“he was first in war,first in peace,and first in the hearts of his countrymen.” But at this point a larger boy held up his hand. “Well,” said the teacher to him,“who do you think was the first man?” “I don't know what his name was,”said the larger boy,“but I know it wasn't George Washington,ma’am,because the history book says George Washington married a widow, so,of course,there must have been a man ahead of him.” 谁是第一个男人 有个老师问班上的学生: “谁是第一个男人?” “乔治?华盛顿,”一个小男孩当即叫道。 “你怎么知道乔治?华盛顿是第一个男人呢?”老师问道,宽容地微笑着。 小男孩说:“因为他是战时第一,和时第一,国人心中第一。” 这时一个大点儿的男孩举起手来。 “那么,”老师对他说,“你认为谁是第一个男人呢?” “我不知道他的名字,”大点儿的男孩说,“但我知道不是乔治?华盛顿,老师。因为历史书上说,乔治?华盛 顿娶了一个寡妇,所以在他前面肯定还有一个男人。”
Many years after receiving my graduate degree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member. One day in a crowded elevator, someone remarked on its inefficiency. I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student. When the door finally opened, I felt a compassionate pat on my back, and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me. "You'll get that degree, dear," she whispered. "Perseverance is a virtue." 美 德 获取研究生学位多年以后,我回到位于宾翰顿的纽约州立大学当教员。一天,电 梯里很拥挤,有人抱怨电梯效率太低。我说自我在那里当学生起,20 年来电梯 一直没有换过。
最后当电梯门打开时,我感到有人在我的背上同情地拍了一下,回过头来我看到 一位年长的修女正在朝我微笑。 “你会拿到学位的, 亲爱的, ”她低声说道: “坚 持不懈是一种美德。”
小明上英文课时跟老师说:May I go to the toilet?
老师说:Go ahead.
小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿,小明又跟老师说:May I go to the toilet?
老师说:Go ahead.
小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问:你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗?怎么不去?
小明说:你没听老师说「去你个头」啊!
江青会见外宾, 要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻, 不许走样。 外宾一见到江青, 立刻拍马屁道: "Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful." 翻译照翻,江青心花怒 放,嘴上还要谦虚一下: “哪里, 哪里” 。
翻译不敢怠慢,把江青的话翻成英文:"Where? Where?" 外宾一愣,还有这样的人,追问哪 里漂亮的,干脆马屁拍到底:"Everywhere, everywhere."
翻译: “你到处都很漂亮。 ”江青更高兴了,但总是要客气一下: “不见得,不见得” 。翻译赶 紧翻成英文:"You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see."
一位来自日本的旅客,坐出租车去机场的路上,看到一辆汽车经过,就说: “oh,TOKOTA! Made in Japan! It is very fast! ”又有一辆经过,他又说: “oh,NISSAN!Made in Japan! It is very fast! ”司机有点不高兴,觉得他太吵了!当第三辆经过时,他还是说: “oh,HONDA! Made in Japan! It is very fast! ”
后来到了机场,那个日本人就问: “How Much?”出租车司机说: “10
  00! ”
日本人惊奇的问司机: “为什么那么贵?”出租车司机回答说: “oh,mileometer(计 程表) ! Made in Japan! It is very fast! ”
一位在美的留学生, 想要考国际驾照。 在考试时因为过于紧张, 看到地上标线是向左转。 他不放心的问道:turn left? 监考官回答:right. 于是他立刻向右转。 很抱歉他只有下次再来。
A:What’s on your hand? B:Watch. A:How to spell that? B:T-H-A-T~
女:say“i love you” ,say it,come on!say it!
男:it!
 

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