Who Is the Laziest? Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class? Tom: I don't know, father. Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work? Tom: Our teacher, father. Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除 此之外呢,那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤,而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答 案很有意思吧? Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn? 如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物,他肯定会生气的;而如果你踩了农夫脚底 ,也有“鸡眼”的意思。 的鸡眼,他会更生气。Corn 既可以表示“玉米/谷物” Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因为 snail(蜗牛)的后背上总是背着一所房子,所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮 的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢? Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day. 一看到 make faces 这个短语,你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做 鬼脸呀!因为除了这个意思以外,它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。 Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake.
怎样才能不让梦游者(sleepwalker)梦游(walk in his sleep)呢?最简单 的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法,但如果让梦游者醒着呢,他 的确就不会去梦游了。 Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning? Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
老师与学生对话时候闹出来的笑话
  1. TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America. GEORGE: Here it is! TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America? CLASS: George!
  2. TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I". ELLEN: I is... TEACHER: No, Ellen. We always say, "I am." ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
  3. TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have? CLASS: Big hands!
  4. TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave? STUDENT: Yes, Sir. TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't? STUDENT: Yes, Sir, but since I broke my promise, I don't expect you to keep yours.
  5. TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-feet snake. SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet. 小笑话:一睡醒,你就被炒鱿鱼了
As soon as you wake up, you're fired 一睡醒,你就被炒鱿鱼了 Our co-worker went missing for a few hours, and we tore up the place looking for him. The boss finally found him fast asleep. Rather than wake him, he quietly placed a note on the man's chest. "As long as you're asleep," it read, "you have a job. But as soon as you wake up, you're fired."
我的同事有好几小时不见人了。我们疯了地到处找他。最后老板发现, 他正在睡大觉。没叫醒他,老板悄无声息地在我的同事的胸前放了个纸条。 “睡觉时” ,条上写着, “你是我的员工,醒来你就不是了。 ” 几个英语小笑话~

  1、Keys to Success 成功的关键
One day a father was teaching his son and said, "The keys to your success are keeping your word and cleverness. Once you give somebody a promise, you must carry it out no matter what will happen. This is called 'keeping one's words.' "What is cleverness?" asked his son. "Cleverness is that you'll never make such a promise, " the father answered.
一天,父亲教育儿子说:“一个人成功的关键就是严守诺言和足够 聪明。一旦你给了别人承诺,无论发生什么事,你都得实现它, 这个就叫‘守诺言’。”
儿子问:“那么什么是聪明呢?” 父亲回答:“聪明就是任何时候都别做这样的承诺。”

  2、Shave head 刮头 Recently, a man walked into my barbershop asking how much for a haircut. "Eight dollars," I answered. "And for a shave?" "Five dollars." "All right," he said, settling into the barber chair. "Shave my head." 前些日子,有一男的来到我的理发店,问剪一个头要多少钱。 “八美元, ”我告诉他。 “那,刮次胡子呢?” “五美元” 。 “那行” ,那男的边说边坐到了理发椅上, “来,给我刮刮头吧” 。

  3、Speeding 超速 Traveling salesmen make their living visiting as many customers as possible. So speeding to get from one appointment to the next is not unheard-of. Which is how I got pulled over by a highway patrolman. "Don't you ever look at the speedometer?" the officer scolded. Before I knew it, the truth spilled from my mouth. "As fast as I was going," I admitted, "I was afraid to take my eyes off the road." 因为旅行推销员为了谋生需要拜访尽量多的客户,所以超速飞车赶场对于 他们来说也不是没有过的事情。 有一次我就因为超速度行驶被一个公路巡 警拦了下来。 “你有没有看过你的时速表?”那名警官责问。当我的回答一出 口,我立刻后悔了,但已经太晚了。 “车开得越来越快” ,我如实地说, “我的 眼睛得一直盯着前面,没敢看别的” 。
  4、How could anyone stoop so low? 哪有人能弯腰弯那么低的啊? Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a much beloved, jovial man. But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him -- his height. Or, should I say, his lack of it. One day, he stormed through the door and announced angrily, "Someone just picked my pocket!" Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless, except for the one who blurted out, "How could
anyone stoop so low?" 我们的餐厅经理是一位深受大家爱戴,和蔼而又快乐的人。但在他面前 有一件事不能提--他的身高。 或者,我应该说,他是有点矮!一天,经 理怒气冲冲地撞门而入,高声说, “有人拿了我的钱包! ” 我和其她大部女招待都没敢吱声,但有人却蹦出一句话: “哪有人能弯腰弯那么低的啊” !
  5、Stop for the Red Light 红灯,停 I had just pulled over someone for driving under the influence when another car pulled up behind us. I stopped what I was doing and ventured back to see if the driver needed assistance. "No, I don't need any help," he said, reeking of booze. Then, pointing to the flashing cherry top on the roof of my cruiser, he continued, "I just stopped for the red light." 我刚刚把一个酒后驾驶司机的车拦了下来,一辆车就紧跟着停了我的车 后面。我停下手上的工作,径直走到后面的车那里,看看那位司机是否需要 帮助。 “我没事,我不需要什么帮助” ,他满嘴酒气地说。接着,他指着我警 车顶上那闪着的红色警灯,说, “看到红灯,所以我停下来了”
  6、Reached Shore Fast 快速靠岸 A guy I know was towing his boat home from a fishing trip to Lake Huron when his car broke down. He didn't have his cell phone with him, but he thought maybe he might be able to raise someone on his marine radio to call for roadside assistance. He climbed into his boat, clicked on the radio and said, "Mayday, mayday." A Coast Guard officer came on and said, "State your location." "I-75, two miles south of Standish." After a very long pause, the officer asked, "How fast were you going when you reached shore?" 在休伦湖钓完鱼后,我的一个朋友开车拖着他的船回家。路上车坏了。 他没带手机,不过,他想,也许他可以通过海事无线广播来请求公路援助。 于是,他爬到他的船里面,启动了无线装置,喊道, “求救,求救” 。一名海 岸护卫队警官作出了回应, “报告你的位置”“I-75 号公路,Standish 的南面 。 两英里” 沉默了好一会之后, 。 警官问我的朋友, 你的船靠岸时开得有多快?” “ xiaxia 2007-8-12 23:20
一个笑死你不偿命的英语笑话 一 个 笑 死 你 不 偿 命 的 英 语 笑 话 The phone rings at FBI headquarters( 总 部)."Hello?""Hello,is that FBI?" "Yes. Whan do you want ?" "I'm calling you to report my neighbor Tom. he is hiding marijuana(毒品) in his firewood(木 柴).""This will be noted."Next day,the FBI comes over to Tom's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept,break every piece of wood,find no marijuana,swear(发 誓 , 骂 脏 话 ) at Tom and leave.the phone rings at Tom's house."Hey,Tom!Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did theychop your firewood ?" "Yeah they did ." "OKay now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed(犁地)." Mrs:doc,how is my husband? Dor:he’ll be ALL RIGHT! Mrs:what?after that horrible accident? Dor:yes,we cut off his LEFT arm and LEFT leg,so,all RIGHT now!!
Tell me why
In my dream, 在我梦中 children sing a song of love for every boy and girl . 孩子们为所有人吟唱着一首爱的歌 The sky is blue and fields are green language of the world. 蓝天碧草之间笑声成了世界通用的语言. Than I wake and all I see is a world full of people in need. 然而当我醒来的时候却发现世界上到处是需要帮助的人. Tell me why(why), 告诉我为什么 does it have to be like this? and laughter is the
真的只能是这样吗? Tell me why(why), 告诉我为什么 is there something I have missed? 是不是我错过了什么? Tell me why(why), 告诉我为什么 cos' I don't understand, 因为我实在是无法理解 when so many need somebody, 有那么多需要帮助的人 we don't give a helping hand. 我们却不伸出援助之手 Tell me why? 告诉我为什么 Every day, I ask myself, 每天我都在问自己 what will I have to do to be a man? 做为一个人我该做些什么 Do I have to stand and fight, am? 我是不是要站起来抗争,向所有人证明我的价值 Is that what my life is far, to waste in a world full of war? to prove to everybody who I
而这是不是意味着我的一生就将耗费在这满是硝烟的世界? Tell me why(why), 告诉我为什么 does it have to be like this? 真的只能是这样吗? Tell me why(why), 告诉我为什么 is there something I have missed? 是不是我错过了什么? Tell me why(why), 告诉我为什么 cos' I don't understand, 因为我实在是无法理解 when so many need somebody, 有那么多需要帮助的人 we don't give a helping hand. 我们却不伸出援助之手 Tell me why? 告诉我为什么 Tell me why (Tell me why)? 告诉我为什么 Tell me why (Tell me why)?
告诉我为什么 Tell me why (Tell me why)? 告诉我为什么 Just tell me why! 这到底是为什么? Tell me why(why), 告诉我为什么 does it have to be like this? 真的只能是这样吗? Tell me why(why), 告诉我为什么 is there something I have missed? 是不是我错过了什么? Tell me why(why), 告诉我为什么 cos' I don't understand, 因为我实在是无法理解 when so many need somebody, 有那么多需要帮助的人 we don't give a helping hand. 我们却不伸出援助之手 Tell me why? 告诉我为什么
(Why,why,does the tiger run) 为什么,为什么老虎也要逃跑 Tell me why? 告诉我为什么 (Why,why,do we shoot the gun) 为什么,为什么我们让子弹射出枪堂 Tell me why? 告诉我为什么 (Why,why,do we never learn) 为什么,为什么我们从来不吸取教训 Can someone tell us why we let the forest burn? 谁能告诉我,为什么我们烧毁森林 (Why,why,do we said we care) 为什么,为什么我们光说我们在乎 Tell me why? 告诉我为什么 (Why,why,do we stand and stare) 为什么,为什么我们只是站着旁观 Tell me why? 告诉我为什么 (do the dolphins cry) 为什么,为什么海豚在哭泣 Can someone tell us why we let the ocean die? 谁能告诉我,为什么我们让海洋死去 (Why,why,if we're all the same) 为什么,为什么,如果我们大家是一样的. Tell me why? 告诉我为什么
(Why,why,do we pass and blame) 为什么,为什么我们却在互相谴责 Tell me why? 告诉我为什么 (Why,why,does it never end) 为什么,为什么这些永无休止 Can someone tell us why we cannot just be friends? 谁能告诉我,为什么我们不能友好相处 Why,why,(do we close our eyes) 为什么,为什么(我们闭上了我们的眼睛) Why,why,(do the greedy life) 为什么,为什么(我们让生命满是贪婪) Why,why,(do we fight for land) 为什么,为什么(我们为了土地而争斗) Can someone tell us why 'cos we don't understand? 谁能告诉我,因为我们实在无法知道 Why,why?? 为什么
 

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