英语笑话 1 A little boy asked his father: Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?The father replied: I don 't know son. I 'm still paying!! 一个小男孩问他的爸爸,结婚要花多少钱?爸爸说:我不知道,因为我仍然在付帐. 2 A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. "Now, children," said she , "has anyone of you ever make someone else glad?" "Please, teacher,"said a small boy,"I've make someone glad yesterday." "Well done. Who was that?" "My granny." "Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad." "Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, 'Granny, I'm going home,' and she said, 'Well, I'm glad'!" 一个主日学校校(基督教教会为了向儿童灌输宗教思想, 在星期天开办的儿童班)的老师在对学生讲使别人高兴的重要 性."现在,孩子们,"她说:"你们当中有谁让别人高兴过?" "我,老师,"一个小男孩说:"昨天我就使别人 高兴过." "做得好,是谁呢?" "我奶奶." "好孩子.现在告诉我们,你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的." "是这 样的,老师.我昨天去看她,在她那儿呆了三个小时.然后我跟她说:'奶奶,我要回家了.'她说:'啊,我很高 兴! 3 Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes. The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, "Now here's a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman." "Like a gentleman?" Dick asked. "How do gentlemen do it?" "They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once. "Oh" said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half, Catherine.". 迪克年龄七岁,他的妹妹凯瑟琳五岁.一天,妈妈把他们带到姨妈家去玩,自己就到大城市去买些新的衣服.孩子们 玩了个把小时, 在四点半的时候, 姨妈领着迪克走进了厨房. 她交给迪克一块精美的蛋糕和一把刀子, 并对他说: "喏, 迪克,给你刀子,把这块蛋糕一切为二,给你妹妹一块.不过,你得记住要做得像一个绅士那样."迪克问:"像一 个绅士?绅士怎样做呢?"他姨妈马上回答说:"绅士总是把大的一块让给别人的."迪克说了一声"噢".他对此 想了一会,然后,他把蛋糕拿给妹妹,并对她说:"凯瑟琳,你来把这块蛋糕一切为二吧." 4 Stan: I won 92 goldfish. Fred: Where are you going to keep them? Stan: In the bathroom . Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath? Stan: Blindfold them! 斯丹:我赢了 92 条金鱼.弗雷德:你想在哪儿养它们?斯丹:浴室.弗雷德:但是你想洗澡时怎么办?斯丹:蒙住 它们的眼睛! 5 George knocked on the door of his friend's house. When his friend's mother answered he asked, "can Albert come out to play? " " No," said the mother, "it's too cold. " " Well, then, " said George, " can his football come out to play ? " 乔冶敲着他朋友家的门.当朋友的妈妈来应门时,他问:"阿尔伯特可以出来玩吗? " " 不行, " 那位妈妈说, " 天气太冷了. " " 噢,那么, " 乔冶, " 他的足球可以出来玩吗? 出国必备英文日常用语 ▲Potluck Party 一种聚餐方式,主人准备场地和餐具,叁加的人必须带一道菜准备饮料,最好事先问问主人的意思. ▲Pull over!把车子开到旁边. ▲Drop me a line!写封信给我. ▲Give me a ring. = Call me!来个电话吧!
▲For here or to go?食堂或外卖. ▲cool; Thats cool! 等于国内年轻人常用的囗语"酷!",表示不赖嘛!用于人或事均可. ▲Whats up? = Whats happening? = Whats new? 见面时随囗问候的话"最近在忙什么?有什么新鲜事吗?"一般的 回答是"Nothing much!" 或"Nothing new!" ▲Cut it out! = Knock it out!= Stop it! 少来这一套!同学之间开玩笑的话. ▲Dont give me a hard time! 别跟我过不去好不好! ▲Get yourself together! 振作点行不行! ▲Do you have the time? 现在几点钟?可别误以为人家要约你出去. ▲Hang in there. = Dont give up. = Keep trying. 再撑一下. ▲Give me a break ! 你饶了我吧! (开玩笑的话) Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱. "昨天给你的钱干什么了?" "我给了一个可怜的老太婆,"他回答说. "你真是个好 孩子,"妈妈骄傲地说."再给你两分钱.可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?" "她是个卖糖果的." Nest and Hair My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom. "What kind of bird?" my sister asked. "I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child. "Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her . "Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. " 鸟窝与头发 我姐姐是一位小学老师.一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外的树上垒了个窝."是什么鸟呢?"我姐姐问她. "我没看到鸟儿,老师,只看到鸟窝."那孩子回答说. "那么,你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗?"我姐姐鼓励她 道. "哦,老师,就像你的头发一样." I've Just Bitten My Tongue "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! " 我刚咬破自己的舌头 "我们有毒吗?"一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲. "是的,亲爱的,"她回答说,"你问这个干什么?" "因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头." A Woman Who Fell It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?" 摔倒的女人 上下班高峰期,我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车.接近门口,一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来,没想到在 平滑的大理石地面上失了脚,仰面滑倒了.她的惯性使她接近了我的脚.我正准备扶她,她却自己爬了起来.她镇定 了一下,对我挤了一下眉,说道:"总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗?" Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小.但除此之外呢,那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤, 而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子.这个答案很有意思吧? Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn? 如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物, 他肯定会生气的; 而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼, 他会更生气. Corn 既可以表示"玉 米/谷物",也有"鸡眼"的意思. Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因为 snail(蜗牛)的后背上总是背着一所房子,所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的.你说呢? Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day. 一看到 make faces 这个短语,你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀!因为除了这个意思以外,它还可 以从字面上解释为制造钟面. Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake. 怎样才能不让梦游者(sleepwalker)梦游(walk in his sleep)呢?最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉.虽然这不是治 疗方法,但如果让梦游者醒着呢,他的确就不会去梦游了. He is really somebody My uncle has 1000 men under him. He is really somebody. What does he do? A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 我叔叔下面有 1000 个人.他真是一个大人物.干什么的?墓地守墓人. Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它们是从美国直接带来的 一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久,到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元.在银行柜台,银行职员认真检查了每 一张钞票,看是否有假.这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦,最后实在忍耐不住说:"相信我,先生,也请你相信这些钞票. 这都是真正的美元,它们是从美国直接带来的." my little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不识字,布朗夫人:哦,亲爱的,我把珍爱的小狗给丢了!史密斯夫人:可是你该在报纸上登广告啊!布朗夫 人:没有用的,我的小狗不认识字." Bring me the winner Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. Well, bring me the winner then. 给我那个打赢的吧 这个龙虾只有一只爪.对不起,先生,这只肯定打过架了.哦, 那给我那个打赢的吧. The mean man's party. The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot." "Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?" 吝啬鬼请客 一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了.他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说:"你上到五楼,找中间那个门, 然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃.门开了之后,再用你的脚把门推开.""为什么要用我的肘和脚呢?""你的双手得拿礼 物啊.天哪,你总不会空着手来吧?"吝啬鬼回答. Advice for "Kid" A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid." 忠告"年轻者" 这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告.如果你只有 65 岁的话,千万别进退休社区.因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁 了.每当要搬东西,抬东西或者装东西时,他们就叫喊,"让小的干吧." Which woman? One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall. On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield." My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?" 哪一位女人? 一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物,回来后发现车身沾满灰尘,于是擦洗了一阵.当我终于走进屋里时大声喊:"世界 上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃."我丈夫抬头看了看,说:"妈妈来了?" The doctor lives downstairs "Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me." He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artistthe doctor lives downstairs." 医生住在楼下 "医生"她冲进屋后大声说道."我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病."他从头到脚打量打量她,然后大声说:"太 太,我有三件事要对你说.第一,您的体重需要减少大约 50 磅;第二,如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红,您的美 貌将会改变.第三,我是一位画家??医生住在楼下." One Engine Left A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult." Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late." At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!" 只剩一个引擎 一架 747 客机正在跨越大西洋时,喇叭里传来了机长的声音:"旅客们请注意,我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了.但 剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的.只是我们要因此晚到一小
 

相关内容

英语笑话

   Who Is the Laziest? Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class? Tom: I don't know, father. Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and ...

英语 笑话

   1)TOM'S EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow". 汤姆的借口 老师:汤姆,您为什么每天上学迟到? 汤姆:我每次路过拐角,一个路标上面写着:"学校慢 行。" DID YOUR DAD... 2)Tom call Jim's name: ...

英语笑话

   1、既然说到了,我也说一个,外国人在我们中国也这样,去年差不多这个时候带我们老板的儿子JOE去一家我常去的牛肉面店里面吃面,牛肉面店老板习惯的问我加多少牛肉,我说两份,JOE非得问我老板说的啥,解释给他听了之后他跃跃欲试的对老板说:“一头牛!”老板当时崩溃了,后来他告诉我,他突然想起我教他的量词了??牛论头…… 2、有同学初到英国的时候,不知道英语的coach就是美语的bus,暗自纳闷:这去哪儿跟教练有啥关系? 3、我玩过第18个笑话:(在加国)上公交车司机问我是哪站上的(where r u ...

英语笑话

   One or Two 一还是二 Customer: Waiter, I've only got one piece of meat in my dish. Waiter:Just a moment, sir and I'll cut it in two. 顾客:服务员,我盘子里怎么只有一块肉? 服务员:先生,请稍候,我去把它切成两块. I can not see it at all After supper, the parents were busy playing mah-jong wi ...

英语笑话

   1. Being rather bald, I have long been used to comforting myself on a visit to the hairdresser with the opening remark,"Grass doesn't grow on a busy street," However, I was not prepared for the response of one barber:" We always say ...

英语笑话

   1 Improvement One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?" "Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me." 进步 一位学生对另一位说:"你的英语最近 ...

英语笑话

   英语笑话 1. He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有 1000 个人。 -- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的? -- 墓地守墓人。 2. They are directly from America Not long afte ...

英语笑话

   英语笑话 1. Don't work for money The world is filled with smart, talented, educated and gifted people. We meet them every day. A few days ago, my car was not running well. I pulled it into a garage, and the young mechanic had it fixed in just a few min ...

英语笑话

   Give Me a Dollar 给我一块钱 Son: Dad, give me a dime. Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I guess you're right, Dad. Give me a dollar, will you? 儿子:爸爸,给我一角钱。 父亲:儿子,你不认为你已经长大了,不该再老是一角一角地要钱了(该自立了),不是 吗 ...

英语笑话

   The World and The King, condemn Harry's inappropriate behavior Sandra laville and Richard Norton- Taylor Prince Charles's household was forced into a difficult situation recently after Prince Harry was photographed in a Nazi uniform complete with s ...

热门内容

关于英语借入日语的若干探讨

   第 4 卷第 4 期 2004 年 7 月 浙江树人大学学报 JOURNAL OF ZHE IANG SHUREN UNIVERSITY J Vol. 4 ,No. 4 July 2004 关于英语借入日语的若干探讨 裘禾敏 ( 浙江摄影出版社 ,浙江 杭州   310006) 摘   : 本文从外国语和本国语中外来语的关系入手 ,探讨了英语对日语在语音 、 要 语汇与语义等方面的 影响 ,通过回顾英语借入日语的不同历史阶段的特点 ,从语义学阐明英语 ( 外来语原语) 与日语 ( 本国语 ) ...

疯狂英语8000句

   享受余暇时间 ●邀请友人 这个周末你有空吗? Are you free this weekend? *free“有空,空闲”。 Are you free this weekend? (这个周末你有空吗?) Yes, I am. (嗯,有空。) *回答no时,用“No, I have plans.”(不,我有安排。) “No, I'm going skiing.” (不,我要去滑雪。) 我们还可以再见面吗? Could I see you again? 能给我你的电话号码吗? Could you ...

英语语音学习

   英语语音学习 音素 .......................................................................................... 1 音节 .......................................................................................... 2 重读 .............................................. ...

(外研社)2010届高考英语第一轮复习精品课件:必修三 Module 2 Developing and Developed Countries

   非常抱歉,该文档存在转换错误,不能在本机显示。建议您重新选择其它文档 ...

考研英语固定词组归纳

   考研英语固定词组归纳 1 a host of /a body of 2 a test for 3 a test on 4 a test with 5 above all 大量 检测目的 ……进行测试 对……进行测试 检测手段 最重要的; 最重要的; 6 according to 根据 7 achieve equilibrium 取得平衡 purpose 达到目的 8 achieve one's purpose 9 achieve success 获得成功 10 achieve victory ...