英语笑话
PartPart-time Job 业余工作 When my son was a high-school sophomore, he got a part-time job-- sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles.
我儿子在一所中学读二年级时, 在一家超级市场找到了一份包装商品 的业余工作。他满面笑容地回到了家。 "How was your first day?" I asked.
“第一天感觉如何?”我问。 "It was great, Dad," he replied. "I got to talk to some good-looking girls."
“好极了,爸爸。”他答道,“我跟许多漂亮的女孩子讲了话。” Since Stephen is not very talkative, I asked, "What did you say to them?"
由于斯蒂芬不擅言谈,我问道:“你跟他们说了些什么?” "Do you prefer paper or plastic?"
“你是喜欢纸包装还是塑料包装”
Hey, Nice Tie A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink.
"Hey, nice tie!" comes out of nowhere. He looks up at the bartender to see if he had said anything, but since he was on the other side of the bar the man just ignores it.
"Hey! Nice shirt!" The man looks up but, again, the bartender is engaged elsewhere.
"Hey! Nice suit!" The man then calls the bartender over and asks him if he keeps talking to him.
"It's not me, it's the complimentary peanuts." Stop Me and Buy One Peter: May I have a dollar for a man who is crying out in the street? Mother: Certainly, Sonny. What is he crying about? Peter: Ice-cream one dollar each.
我禁不住要买
彼得:"我可以要两个便士给一个人吗?他正在大街上高声喊呢!" 母亲:"当然可以.孩子,他在叫喊什么?" 彼得:"冰淇淋,两便士一份." Quite Right "Let us see whether you are smart in arithmetic, Charlie! I have twenty dollars and I borrow fifty from your aunt, thirty from your dad. What does that make?"
"Debts, uncle!"
恰如其分
"查理,让我们来了解一下你的算术学得好不好.我有二十先令,向 你姑妈错了五十先令,向你爸爸借了三十先令,结果是什么呢?"
"你欠债了,叔叔!"
What will happen A teacher asked one of the boys in her class, "Can people predict the future with cards?" His response was, "My mother can."
The teacher replied, "Really?" The young boy was quick to explain, "Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home."
预测未来
老师问班上的一个男孩:“有人能用纸片预测未来吗?”
“我母亲能。”男孩答道。
“真的?”老师问。
“是的,她看了一眼我的成绩单,就告诉了我父亲回家后发生了 什么。”男孩立刻解释道。
So much history I wish I‘d lived a thousand years ago! why? Because I wouldn‘t have had so much history to learn!
历史
我真希望生活在一千年以前。 为什么? 那样我就没有那么多的历史可学了。
Otherwise "William has asked me for a loan of 50 dollars. Should I be doing right in lending it to him?" "Certainly." "And why?" "Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me."
否则
"威廉向我借五英磅.我该不该借给他?" "当然应该." "为什么?" "否则他就要向我借了."
Greeting Cards Jack was looking over greeting cards.
The salesman said, "Here‘s a nice one -- TO THE ONLY GIRL I EVER LOVED." "Great," said Jack. "I‘ll take six."
贺卡
杰克正在挑选贺卡。 推销员说:“这种贺卡很好?给我唯一爱过的女孩。” “太棒了,”杰克说,“我要六张。”。
The Father and His Son Father: You know, Tom, when Lincoln was your age, he was a very good pupil. In fact, he was the best pupil in his class. Tom: Yes, Father. I know that. But when he was your age, he was President of the United States.
父亲:汤姆,你要知道,当林肯在你这年龄时,他是一个很好 的学生。事实
上,他是班里最好的学生。 汤姆:是的,爸爸,我知道,可当他在你这个年龄时,他已是 美国总统了。
Watching TV Son: Daddy, I want to watch TV. Dad: No electricity tonight. Son: Then let‘s watch TV with a candle on.
看电视
儿子:爸爸,我想看电视。 爸爸:今晚上没电。 儿子:那咱们点上蜡烛看电视吧。
Can‘t Read ! Angry Librarian: Please be quiet. The people near you can‘t read.
? Boy: Why, they ought to be ashamed of themselves. I‘ve been able to read since I was six.
不能读书了
愤怒的图书管理员:请安静,你身边的人不能读书了。
???? 男孩:他们应该害羞才是,我六岁就能读书了。
Can‘t Read ! Angry Librarian: Please be quiet. The people near you can‘t read.
? Boy: Why, they ought to be ashamed of themselves. I‘ve been able to read since I was six.
不能读书了
愤怒的图书管理员:请安静,你身边的人不能读书了。
???? 男孩:他们应该害羞才是,我六岁就能读书了。
Swim more
Sam: You really should swim more. It‘s good excercise and ??? it‘s great for your figure.
? Pam: Did you ever take a good look at a duck?
游泳
萨姆:你真该多游游泳。这是项好运动,并对你的身材帮 助极大。
???? 帕姆:你有没有好好看过鸭子的样子。
Three turtles Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee. Just as they got into the cafe, it started to rain. The biggest turtle said to the smallest one, " Go home and get the umbrella." The little turtle replied, "I will, if you don‘t drink my coffee." "We won‘t," the other two promised. Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle,
"Well, I guess he isn‘t coming back, so we might as well drink his coffee." Just then a voice called from outside the door, "If you do, I won‘t go."
三只乌龟
三只乌龟决定去喝咖啡。它们刚到咖啡店的门口,就下起雨 来。于是 最大的那只乌龟对最小的乌龟说,“回家去取伞吧。” 最小的乌龟说,“如果你们不把我的咖啡喝了,我就去。” “我们不喝,”另外两只乌龟答应说。 两年后, 大乌龟对中乌龟说, “好吧, 我猜他肯定不回来了, 我们 可以把它的咖啡喝掉了。” 正在这时,一个声音从门外传来,“你们要是喝了,我就不 去。”
I Had to Change It Twice
Judge: I don‘t understand why you broke into the same store three nights in a row. Prisoner: Well, Your Honor, I picked out a dress for my wife, and I had to change it twice because she didn‘t like the style.
法官:我真不明白你为什么连续三天夜里闯入同一家商店呢? 犯人:噢,阁下,我为我妻子挑选了一件衣服,因为她总是不喜 欢衣服的 样式,所以,我才不得不去换了两次。
Keys? Kiss? A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the keys." The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn't
heard him clearly, so he repeated. "Give me the keys." The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks.
Kiss
keys
我的一位朋友在给一个成人学生班级上英语课。 他们都是新近来美国 生活的。在一张桌子上摆了许多日常用品之后,他请全班同学给他挑 出尺子,书本,钢笔等。课进行得井然有序,学生们对自己所做的似 乎很感兴趣,也很认真。后来轮到一名来自意大利的学生,我的朋友 说:“给我钥匙。”那人看起来非常吃惊,也有点手足无措。看到这 种情况,我的朋友想是他没有听清楚,于是又重复了一遍:“给我钥 匙。”那位意大利学生耸了耸肩。接着,他伸出胳膊搂住老师的脖子 在双颊上亲了两下。
 

相关内容

英语笑话

   英语笑话 1 A little boy asked his father: Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?The father replied: I don 't know son. I 'm still paying!! 一个小男孩问他的爸爸,结婚要花多少钱?爸爸说:我不知道,因为我仍然在付帐. 2 A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of ma ...

英语 笑话

   1)TOM'S EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow". 汤姆的借口 老师:汤姆,您为什么每天上学迟到? 汤姆:我每次路过拐角,一个路标上面写着:"学校慢 行。" DID YOUR DAD... 2)Tom call Jim's name: ...

英语笑话

   1、既然说到了,我也说一个,外国人在我们中国也这样,去年差不多这个时候带我们老板的儿子JOE去一家我常去的牛肉面店里面吃面,牛肉面店老板习惯的问我加多少牛肉,我说两份,JOE非得问我老板说的啥,解释给他听了之后他跃跃欲试的对老板说:“一头牛!”老板当时崩溃了,后来他告诉我,他突然想起我教他的量词了??牛论头…… 2、有同学初到英国的时候,不知道英语的coach就是美语的bus,暗自纳闷:这去哪儿跟教练有啥关系? 3、我玩过第18个笑话:(在加国)上公交车司机问我是哪站上的(where r u ...

英语笑话

   One or Two 一还是二 Customer: Waiter, I've only got one piece of meat in my dish. Waiter:Just a moment, sir and I'll cut it in two. 顾客:服务员,我盘子里怎么只有一块肉? 服务员:先生,请稍候,我去把它切成两块. I can not see it at all After supper, the parents were busy playing mah-jong wi ...

英语笑话

   ENGLISH HUMORS Men and Woman Man: I could go to the end of the world for you. Woman: Yes, but would you stay there? Man: I offer you myself. Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts. Man: I want to share everything with you. Woman: Let's start ...

英语笑话

   英语笑话 PartPart-time Job 业余工作 When my son was a high-school sophomore, he got a part-time job-- sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles. 我儿子在一所中学读二年级时, 在一家超级市场找到了一份包装商品 的业余工作。他满面笑容地回到了家。 "How was your first day?" I asked ...

英语笑话

   英语笑话(一) 一人上班老是放响屁,同事忍不住说:你能不能不出声?然后便见他坐在那抖个不停。同事问他在干什么,他答:我现在已经调成振动啦! 蜘蛛深爱着蚂蚁,表达爱意时却遭到拒绝,蜘蛛大吼:“为什么?这一切是为什么?”蚂蚁胆怯地说:“俺妈说了,成天在网上呆着的都不是好人!” 小毛:我妈妈是硕士,爸爸是博士。小新:有什么了不起!小毛:你爸妈是什么士?小新:我爸爸是男士,我妈妈是女士。 0看见8说:小样,胖就胖呗,还扎腰带;7对2说:跪吧,在跪500年也不嫁给你;6对9说:酷就酷呗,还玩倒立;8看见 ...

英语笑话

   Give Me a Dollar 给我一块钱 Son: Dad, give me a dime. Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I guess you're right, Dad. Give me a dollar, will you? 儿子:爸爸,给我一角钱。 父亲:儿子,你不认为你已经长大了,不该再老是一角一角地要钱了(该自立了),不是 吗 ...

英语笑话

   ?林肯过生日 Teacher: What great event happened in 1809? Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln was born. Teacher: Correct. And what great event happened in 1812? Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday. 老师:1809年发生了什么重大事件? 小威利:亚伯拉罕-林肯诞生。 老师:正确。那么1812 ...

英语笑话

   The World and The King, condemn Harry's inappropriate behavior Sandra laville and Richard Norton- Taylor Prince Charles's household was forced into a difficult situation recently after Prince Harry was photographed in a Nazi uniform complete with s ...

热门内容

高考英语语法单项选择模拟训练动词时态及语态

   找寒假家教,到 寒假家教, 家教 阳光家教网 2010 届高考英语语法单项选择模拟训练专项 05 动词时态及语态 1.I’m sorry, but there is no smoking on this flight. Oh, I that. Sorry, I won’t again. A.don’t know B. didn’t know C. won’t know D. haven’t known 2 .Could you lend me that book you me about w ...

高考英语复习课件①:Unit 3 Going places(孙逸豪推荐)

   Unit 3 Going places 记 忆 重 现 考 点 梳 理 重点单词 考纲单词 consider, board, experience, normal, particular, separate 新课标单词 handle, combine, means, poisonous 重点词组 get away from, watch out, see sb. off, protect sb. / sth. from, on the other hand, as well as, in p ...

重点词组战胜高考英语写作

   重点词组战胜高考英语写作 1.经济的快速发展 the rapid development of 经济的快速发展 economy 2.人民生活水平的显著提高 稳步增长 the 人民生活水平的显著提高/ 人民生活水平的显著提高 remarkable improvement/ steady growth of people’s living standard 3.先进的科学技术 advanced science and 先进的科学技术 technology 4.面临新的机遇和挑战 be faced ...

新编英语教程5 unit3 教学课件

   Unit Three TEXT I My Friend, Albert Einstein " I. Pre-reading Questions " This is an open question. III. Library Work 1. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (1756 1791), Austrian composer, one of the world’s great musical geniuses, wrote masterpieces in ever ...

自考英语一课堂笔记 UNIT 13

   Text A Imsurance   本课主要单词   1.insurance n. 保险;保险金   fire ( car,health,casualty ) insurance 火(汽车,健康,伤亡事故)险   sell life insurance 兜揽人寿保险生意   insurance policy 保险契约,保险单   insurance company 保险公司   insurance agent 保险代理人   1)You will have to show your driv ...