1 Improvement One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?" "Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me." 进步 一位学生对另一位说:"你的英语最近学的怎么样?" "很好,我过去不懂英国人说话,可现在是英国人不懂我的话了." 2 Half or Five Tenths? Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths? Gerald: I'd much rather have the half. Teacher: Think carefully, and tell me why. Gerald: Because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths. 半个还是十分之五 老师:你愿意要半个柑橘,还是十分之五个柑橘? 杰拉得:我宁可要半个. 老师:仔细想想,说出理由来. 杰拉得:因为你如果把柑橘切成十分之五,那柑橘汁就损失太多了.
3
To Go to Heaven Sunday School teacher: Hands up all those who want to go to Heaven? Hands up ..... what about you, Terry? You haven't got your hand up -- don't you want to go to Heaven? Terry: I can't. My Mum told me to go straight home. 去天堂 主日学校的教员:想去天堂的人举起手来,把手举起来...你呢,哈里? 你还没举手呢-- 你不想去天堂吗? 哈里: 我去不了,因为妈妈让我一放学就回家.
4
How Many Rabbits? Teacher: Now, Jonathan, if I gave you three rabbits and then the next day I gave you five rabbits, how many rabbits would you have? Jonathan: Nine, sir. Teacher: Nine? Jonathan: I've got one already, sir. 多少只兔子? 老师:好,乔纳森,假如我给你三只兔子,第二天我又给你五只,你一共有
多少只兔子? 乔纳森:一共有九只,先生. 老师:九只? 乔纳森:先生,我本来就有一只.
5 How Many Rabbits? Teacher: Now, Jonathan, if I gave you three rabbits and then the next day I gave you five rabbits, how many rabbits would you have? Jonathan: Nine, sir. Teacher: Nine? Jonathan: I've got one already, sir. 多少只兔子? 老师:好,乔纳森,假如我给你三只兔子,第二天我又给你五只,你一共有多少 只兔子? 乔纳森:一共有九只,先生. 老师:九只? 乔纳森:先生,我本来就有一只. 6 Who Discovered Australia? Teacher: Find Australia on the map for me, Johnny. Johnny: It's there, sir. Teacher: That's right. Now Sammy, who discovered Australia? Sammy: Johnny, sir. 谁发现了澳大利亚? 老师:约翰尼,在地图上给我找出澳大利亚在什么地方. 约翰尼:先生,在这儿. 老师:对了.萨默,你来回答我是谁发现了澳大利亚? 萨默:先生,是约翰尼. Lightning Teacher: Why is it said that lightning never strikes the same place twice? Roy: Because after it's struck once the same place isn't there any more! 闪电 老师:为什么说闪电从来不会两次击中同一个地方? 罗伊:因为它击中一个地方一次以后,那个地方就不存在了. 8 The Climate of New Zealand Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand? Matthew: Very Cold, sir. Teacher: Wrong. Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!
7
新西兰的气候 老师:马修,新西兰的气候怎么样? 马修:先生,那里的天气很冷. 老师:错了. 马修:可是,先生!从那儿运来的猪肉都冻得硬邦邦的. 9 My Sister's Fingers Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time? Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home. Teacher: I don't see any bandages. Kevin: Oh, they weren't my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail. 我妹妹的手指头 老师:凯温,这次你怎么又迟到了? 凯温:对不起,老师,我在家钉钉子,砸坏了两个手指头. 老师:怎么没有扎绷带呀? 凯温:噢,砸的不是我的手指头,我叫小妹妹扶着钉子的. 10 All Except the Music A keen young teacher wanted to introduce her class to the glories of classical music, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon concert. To make the occasion even more memorable, she treated everyone to lemonade, cake, chocs and ices. Just as the party was getting back into their coach, she said to little Sally, "Have you enjoyed yourself today?" "Oh, yes, miss!" said Sally, "It was lovely. All except the music, that is." 除了音乐 一位热心的年轻教师想让她的学生多了解一点优秀的古典音乐,就安排了一 天下午去听音乐会.为了使这次活动能给大家留下更深的印象,她请大家喝柠檬 汽水,吃点心,巧克力和冰淇淋.在大家回来上汽车的时候,她问小萨莉:"你 今天玩得好吗?" "噢,好极了,小姐," 萨莉说,"除了音乐其它都很好."
11 he plural Form of "Child" Teacher: What is the plural of man, Tom? Tom: Men. Teacher: Good. And the plural of child? Tom: Twins. "孩子"的复数形式 老师:汤姆,'男人'这个词的复数形式是什么? 汤姆:男人们.
老师:答得好.那'孩子'的复数形式呢? 汤姆:双胞胎. 12 When Do People Talk Least? Student A: When do people talk least? Student B: In February. Student A: Why? Student B: Because February is the shortest month of a year. 人们什么时候说话最少? 学生甲:人们在什么时候说话最少? 学生乙:在二月. 学生甲:为什么呢? 学生乙:因为二月是一年中最短的一个月. 13 The Reason of Being Late Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning? Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost says, 'School -- Go Slow'. 迟到的原因 老 师:约翰尼,为什么你每天早晨都迟到? 约翰尼:每当我经过学校附近的拐角处,就见路牌上写着'学校-缓行'. 14 Mixed Doubles Teacher of Physical Education: Have you ever seen mixed doubles, boys? Nick: Yes, sir. Quite often. I saw it even last night. Teacher: Please tell us something about it. Nick: Oh, sorry, sir. My father always says, 'Domestic shame should not be published.' 混合双打 体育老师:孩子们,你们见过男女混合双打吗? 尼克:见过,老师,经常见.就在昨天夜里我还见过呢? 老师:你给大家讲讲当时的情形吧. 尼克:啊,对不起,老师.我爸爸常说,"家丑不可外扬." 15 4-4=? One day, the teacher inquired Peter: "How much is four minus four?" Peter was tongue-tied. The teacher got angry and said: "What a fool! You see, if I put four coins in your pocket, but there is a hole in your pocket and all of them leak out, now what is left in your pocket?" "The hole." replied Peter. 四减四等于几? 一天,老师问彼得:"4减4等于几?"彼得张口结舌答不上来.
老师生气地说:"真苯!比如我给你衣袋里装进4个硬币,可你衣袋上有个 窟窿,硬币全从这里漏掉了,那么,你衣袋里还剩下什么?" "还剩下个窟窿."彼得答道. 16 Columbus's Telephone Number Little Mary: I find in my history book there is always such number (1451--15
  60) after the name Christopher Columbus. Would you please explain why, sir? Little Rose: I can tell her, sir. It was Columbus's telephone number. 哥伦布的电话号码 小玛丽: 我在历史书中发现, 克里斯托. 哥伦布这个名字后老是有(1451-15
  60) 着几个数字,老师,请您给解释一下好吗? 小罗斯:老师,我能告诉她.那是哥伦布的电话号码. 17 The Fourth Element Teacher: What are the four element of nature? Student: Fire, air, earth, and... and ... Teacher: And what? Just think it over, what do you wash your hands with? Student: Soap! 第四元素 老师:自然界的四大元素是什么? 学生:火,气,和...和... 老师:和什么?想一想, 你用什么洗手的? 学生:肥皂. 18 Whose Fault Teacher: Betty, you made so many mistakes in your exercise, surely your mother will blame you! Betty: Blame me? Oh, mo. On the contrary, I'll blame her. Because it was she that did my homework instead. 谁的错 老师:贝蒂,你作业中出了这么多错,你妈妈一定会责怪你的! 贝蒂:责怪我?啊,不会的.正相反,我倒要责怪她呢,是她替我做的作业 19 Two Birds Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 两只鸟 老师: 这儿有两只鸟,一只是麻雀.谁能指出哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀吗? 学生:我指不出,但我知道答案.
老师:请说说看. 学生:燕子旁边的就是麻雀,麻雀旁边的就是燕子. 20 The Fish Net "Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?" "A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl. 鱼网 "你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗,安?" 老师发问道. "把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了."小女孩回答道. 21 The New Teacher George comes from school on the first of September. "George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother. "I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....." 新老师 9 月 1 日, 乔治放学回到家里. "乔治,你喜欢你们的新老师吗?" 妈妈问. "妈妈,我不喜欢,因为她说 3 加 3 得 6, 可后来又说 2 加 4 也得
  6." 22 A physics Examination Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard. The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunder rolls ? Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before ears. 一次物理考试 在一次物理考试时,当同学们都还在苦思冥想时,尼克很快就答好了第一 个问题. 这个问题是:为什么在打雷时,我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声? 尼克的回答是:因为眼睛在前,耳朵在后. 23 An Entrance Examination In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, the teacher asked one of the boys, 'What is the most important physiological quality of a musician?" "To be deaf," replied the boy. "Nonsense!" said the teacher angrily. "Why, sir! don't you have know that the most famous musician Beethoven was deaf?" the boy asked in reply disdainfully. 入学考试 在一次音乐学院的入学考试中,老师问一位应试的小伙子:"音乐家最重 要的生理素质是什么?" "耳聋."小伙子答道. "胡说!"老师恼怒地说.
" 怎么啦, 先生! 您难道连大名鼎鼎的音乐家贝多芬是个聋子都不知道? "小伙子轻蔑地反问道. 24 The Biggest in the World Peter dozed off while his teacher was talking. Teacher: Peter! Tell us, what's the biggest in the world? Peter: Well, well.... eyelids.... Teacher: What? Eyelids? Peter: Yes, sir. Because as soon as I shut my eyes, the eyelids cover everything of the world. 世界上最大的 老师正在讲课,彼得打起瞌睡来了. 老师:彼得!你说说,世界上什么最大? 彼得:这,这.....眼皮..... 老师:什么?眼皮? 彼得:是这样,老师,因为我眼睛一闭,眼皮就把世界上的一切东西都遮住 了. 25 Mother Was too Busy Teacher: Mike, you're always asking your father to do your homework instead, and again this time..... Mike: Pardon, sir, this time at first I would not let him do it, but mother was too busy. 妈妈太忙 老师:迈克,你老是叫你的父亲替你做作业,这次又...... 迈克: 对不起, 老师, 这次作业我本不打算让爸爸替我做, 可妈妈实在太忙. 26 Boxing and Running Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he left his friend, "This is a tough world, so I'm teaching my boy to fight." Friend: "But suppose he comes up against someone much bigger than he is, who's also been taught how to box." Dan: "I'm teaching him how to run, too." 拳击和赛跑 丹在教他的儿子怎样拳击.他告诉他的朋友:"这是一个粗暴的世界,所 以我要教我的儿子怎么去拼搏." 朋友: 如果他碰上的对手是一个比他高大, " 健壮而且也会拳击的人怎么办?" 丹:"我也会教他怎么样赛跑呢." 27 I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him anywhere," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我的衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里.他妈妈问,"发生了什么事?" "一个男孩咬了我一口,"伊凡说. "再见到他时你能认出来吗?"妈妈问. "他走到哪里我都能认出他,"伊凡说,"他的耳朵还在我的衣兜里." 28 A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱. "昨天给你的钱干什么了?" "我给了一个可怜的老太婆,"他回答说. "你真是个好孩子,"妈妈骄傲地说."再给你两分钱.可你为什么对那 位老太太那么感兴趣呢?" "她是个卖糖果的." 29 Two Pounds Plums Mother: I sent my little boy for two pounds of plums and you gave him a pound and a half. Shopkeeper: My scales are all right, madam. Have you weighed your little boy? 两磅李子 母亲:我让小儿子来买两磅李子,可你只给他一磅半. 店主:我们的秤准确无误,太太.您秤过您的小儿子了吗? 30 To Learn French Son: Dad, is French difficult to learn? Father: My boy, at the beginning it is, but aft 4 er tha
 

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