Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes. The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, "Now here's a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman." "Like a gentleman?" Dick asked. "How do gentlemen do it?" "They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once. "Oh" said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half, Catherine.". 迪克年龄七岁,他的妹妹凯瑟琳五岁。一天,妈妈把他们带到姨妈家去玩,自己 就到大城市去买些新的衣服。 孩子们玩了个把小时,在四点半的时候,姨妈领着迪克走进了厨房。她交给迪克 一块精美的蛋糕和一把刀子,并对他说:“喏,迪克,给你刀子,把这块蛋糕一 切为二,给你妹妹一块。不过,你得记住要做得像一个绅士那样。” 迪克问:“像一个绅士?绅士怎样做呢?” 他姨妈马上回答说:“绅士总是把大的一块让给别人的。” 迪克说了一声“噢”。他对此想了一会,然后,他把蛋糕拿给妹妹,并对她说:“凯 瑟琳,你来把这块蛋糕一切为二吧。”
I'll See to the Rest
A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage. "Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!" "Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back. "You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest." 其余的事由我负责
一位车上的列车员刚发出信号让火车启动, 这时他看见一位很漂亮的姑娘站在 站台上一节打开的车厢门旁边,跟车厢里另一位漂亮姑娘在说话。 “快点,小姐!”他喊道:“请把门关上。” “噢,我还没有和妹妹吻别呢。”她回答道。 “请把门关上好了,”列车员说:“其余的事由我负责。” Sleeping Pills
Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills. Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning." "That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?" 安眠药
鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生,医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。
星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药, 睡得很好, 在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。 他到了办公室, 遛达进去,对老板说:“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。” “好啊!”老板吼道,“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了?” A Smugglar
The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by a sentry. When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams. "What's in here?" he asked. "Dirt," the driver replied. "Take them out," the guard instructed. "I want to check them." Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go. A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck. "What's in the bags this time?" he asked. "Dirt, more dirt." said the man. Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil. The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender. Then one night, the suspicious-looking fellow happened to stop by for a drink. Hurrying over to him, the former guard said, "Listen, pal, drinks are on the house tonight if you'll do me a favor: Just tell me what the hell you were smuggling all that time." Grinning broadly, the man leaned close to the bartender's ear and whispered, "Cars." 走私犯
一个形迹可疑的人开车来到边境,哨兵迎了上去。哨兵在检查汽车行李箱时, 惊奇地发现了六个接缝处鼓得紧绷绷的大口袋。 “里面装的是什么?”他问道。 “土。”司机回答。 “把袋子拿出来”,哨兵命令道:“我要检查。” 那人顺从地把口袋搬了出来。确实,口袋里除了土以外,别无他特。哨兵很不 情愿地让他通过了。 一周后,那人又来了,哨兵再次检查汽车上的行李箱。 “这次袋子里装的是什么?”他问道。 “土,又运了一些土。”那人回答。 哨兵不相信,对那些袋子又进行了检查,结果发现,除了土以外,仍旧一无所 获。 同样的事情每周重演一次,一共持续了六个月。最后,哨兵被弄得灰心丧气, 干脆辞职去当了酒吧侍者。有天夜里,那个形迹可疑的人碰巧途经酒吧,下车喝 酒。那位从前的哨兵急忙迎上前去对他说,“我说,老兄,你要是能帮我一个忙, 今晚的酒就归我请客。你能不能告诉我,那段时间你到底在走私什么东西?” 那人俯身过来,凑近侍者的耳朵,裂开嘴笑嘻嘻地说:“汽车。” Skunk
"We have a skunk in the basement," shrieked the caller to the police dispatcher. "How can we get it out?" "Take some bread crumbs," said the dispatcher, "and put down a trail from the basement out to the back yard. Then leave the cellar door open." Sometime later the resident called back. "Did you get rid of it?" asked the dispatcher. "No," replied the caller. "Now I have two skunks in there!"
臭 鼬
“我们的地下室里有一只臭鼬,”打电话的人对警察调度员尖叫道。“我们怎样才 能把它弄出来?” “弄一些面包屑,”调度员说,“从地下室往外铺一条小道直到后院。然后将地下 室的门打开。” 一段时间后, 那位居民又将电话打了回来。 “你们将它弄出来了吗?”调度员问。 “没有,”打电话的人答道,“现在那儿有两只臭鼬了。” Patience
Angler: You've been watching me for three hours now. Why don't you try yourself? Onlooker: I haven't got the patience. 耐 性
垂钓者:你已经盯着看了三个小时了,你干嘛不自己亲自钓呢? 旁观者:我没那耐性。 Bedtime Prayers
Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "make Naples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy." Her mother interrupted and said. "Julie, why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy?" And Julie replyed, "Because that's what I put in my geography exam!" 睡前祷告词
朱莉叶在做睡前祷告。“上帝,求求你,”她说,“让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都 吧。” 妈妈打断她的话说:“朱莉叶,为什么求上帝让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都 呢?” 朱莉叶回答道:“因为我在地理考卷上是这样写的。” Things Have Been Okay
A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, "Mom, the toast is burned." "You talked! You talked!" Shouted his mother. "I'm so happy! But why has it taked this long?" "Well, up till now," Said the boy, "things have been okay." 一切都正常
一对年轻夫妇有个儿子,已经四岁了,还没有开品说话,他们对此深感焦虑。 他们带他去找专家诊治, 但医生们总觉得他没有毛病。 后来有一天早上吃早餐时, 那孩子突然开口了:“妈妈,面包烤焦了。” “你说话了!你说话了!”他母亲叫了起来。 “我太高兴了!但为什么花了这么长的时 间呢?” “哦,在这之前,”那男孩说,“一切都很正常。” That's Why
Jimmy started painting when he was three years old, and when he was five, he was already very good at it. He painted many beautiful and interesting pictures, and people paid a lot of money for them. They said, "This boy's going to be famous when he's little older, and then we're going to sell these pictures for a lot more money."
Jimmy's pictures were different from other people's because he never painted on all of the paper. He painted on half of it, and the other half was always empty. "That's very clever," everyone said, "Nobody else does that!" One day somebody bought one of Jimmy's pictures and then said to him, "Please tell me this, Jimmy. Why do you paint on the bottom half of your pictures, but not on the top half?" "Because I'm small," Jimmy said, "and my burshes don't reach very high." 原来如此
吉米三岁开始画画,五岁时已经画得很好了。他画了很多美丽而有趣的画,人 们出高价购买。他们说,“这个孩子长大一点肯定会出名,我们可以靠这些画大 赚一笔。” 吉米的画与众不同。因为他从来不在整张纸上作画。他只画一半的纸,而另一 半他总空着。 “构思多么巧妙啊!”大家都说,“从来没有人这么做过。” 有一天,一个人买了吉米的画,然后问他:“请告诉我,吉米,你为什么总是 在纸的下半部分画画,而不是在纸的上半部分?” 吉米说,“因为我个头小,够不着上面。” A Trip to Disney
On a trip to Disney World in Florida, my husband and I adn our two children devoted ourselves wholeheartedly to the wonders of this attraction. After three exhausting days, we headed for home. As we drove away, our son waved and said, "Good-by, Mickey." Our daughter waved and said, "Good-by, Minnie." My husband waved, rather weakly, and said, "Good-by, Money."
迪斯尼之族
弗罗里达州的迪斯尼乐园是一个迷人的地方。 一次我和丈夫以及两个孩子前往 旅游,我们全身心地沉醉在它的各种奇观之中。精疲力竭地玩了三天之后,我们 要回家了。 当我们驱车离开时,儿子挥手说:“再见,美奇。” 女儿挥着手说,“再见,美妮。” 丈夫也有气无力地挥了挥手,说道:“再见,美元。” A Fine Match
One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, "Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse." The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it. She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap. Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese! 势均力敌
有一天某位女士看到一只老鼠在自家的厨房地板上窜过。她很害怕老鼠,所以 她冲出屋子,搭上了公共汽车直奔商店。在那儿,她买了一只老鼠夹。店主告诉 她:“放点奶酪在里面,很快你就会逮住那只老鼠的。” 这位女士带着鼠夹回到家里,但她没有在碗橱里找到奶酪。她不想再回到商店 里去,因为已经很晚了。于是,她就从一份杂志中剪下一幅奶酪的图片放进了夹 子。
令人称奇的是,这画有奶酪的图片竟然奏效了!第二天早上,这位女士下楼到 厨房时,发现鼠夹里奶酪图片旁有一张画有老鼠的图片! Prepare Yourself
A story around campus has it taht a student once sent a telegram to his parents reading: "Mom - flunked all courses. Kicked out of school. Prepare Pop." Two days later he received a response: "Pop prepared. Prepare yourself." 自己做好准备
校园里流传着这样的故事: 一个学生一次给父母拍了一份电报, 上面写着: “妈 妈-我所有功课都不及格,被学校开除。让爸爸做好准备。” 两天以后,他收到了回电:“爸爸已准备好。你自己做好准备吧!”
Once upon a time ,a stupid guy went to the doctor's. "What's the matter with you",asked the doctor. "I have been broken all!",said the fool . "Broken all,what's it mean?",the doctor was surprised. Then,the fool pointed to his head and said:"Ouch!There is something wrong with my head."after that,he pointed to his back and said :"ouch,my back hurt."then,he touch his nose and said:"ouch,my nose hurt"…… The doctor thought a while and said :"you have a bad finger" 从前,有个傻瓜去看医生。那医生问他有什么病。那傻瓜说他全身伤了。那医生 很疑惑。接着,那傻瓜用手指着头说:“很痛,我的头伤了。”接着,有指着背, 鼻子,说它们都伤了。 那医生想了一会儿,说:“你的手指伤了。” A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have
 

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