英语笑话

  1. Don't work for money
The world is filled with smart, talented, educated and gifted people. We meet them every day. A few days ago, my car was not running well. I pulled it into a garage, and the young mechanic had it fixed in just a few minutes. He knew what was wrong by simply listening to the engine. I was amazed. The sad truth is, great talent is not enough. I am constantly shocked at how little talented people earn. I heard the other day(不久前 ( 某一天) 某一天) that less than 5 percent of Americans earn more than $100,000 a year. A business consultant who specializes in the medical trade was telling me how many doctors, dentists and chiropractors 按摩疗法医生) struggle financially. All this time, I thought that when they (按摩疗法医生) graduated, the dollars would pour in. It was this business consultant who gave me the phrase, "They are one skill away from great wealth." What this phrase means is that most people need only to learn and master one more skill and their income would jump exponentially (以指数方式) . I have mentioned before that financial intelligence is a synergy(协同,增效) 以指数方式) (协同,增效) of accounting, investing, marketing and law. Combine those four technical skills and making money with money is easier. When it comes to money, the only skill most people know is to work hard. When I graduated from the U.S. Merchant Marine Academy in 1969, my educated dad was happy. Standard Oil of California had hired me for its oil-tanker fleet. I had a great career ahead of me, yet I resigned after six months with the company and joined the Marine Corps to learn how to fly. My educated dad was devastated. Rich dad congratulated me. Job security meant everything to my educated dad. Learning meant everything to my rich dad. Educated dad thought I went to school to learn to be a ship's officer. Rich dad knew that I went to school to study international trade. So as a student, I made cargo runs, navigating large freighters 货船) , oil tankers and passenger ships to the Far East and the South Pacific. (货船) While most of my classmates, including Mike, were partying at their fraternity houses(联 ( 谊会会堂) 谊会会堂) , I was studying trade, people and cultures in Japan, Thailand, Singapore, Hong Kong, Vietnam, Korea and the Philippines. I also was partying, but it was not in any frat house. I grew up rapidly. There is an old cliché 陈词滥调) that goes, "Job is an acronym 首字母缩略词) for 'Just Over (陈词滥调) (首字母缩略词) Broke.‘" And unfortunately, I would say that the saying applies to millions of people. Because school does not think financial intelligence is intelligence, most workers "live within their means." They work and they pay the bills. Instead I recommend to young people to seek work for what they will learn, more than what they will earn. Look down the road at what skills they want to acquire before choosing a specific profession and before getting trapped in the
"Rat Race". Once people are trapped in the lifelong process of bill paying, they become like those little hamsters(仓鼠) running around in those little metal wheels.Their little furry legs (仓鼠) are spinning furiously, the wheel is turning furiously, but come tomorrow morning, they'll still be in the same cage: great job. When I ask the classes I teach, "How many of you can cook a better hamburger than McDonald's?", almost all the students raise their hands. I then ask, "So if most of you can cook a better hamburger, how come McDonald's makes more money than you?" The answer is obvious: McDonald's is excellent at business systems. The reason so many talented people are poor is because they focus on building a better hamburger and know little or nothing about business systems. The world is filled with talented poor people. All too often(时常, (时常, 经常是) 经常是) , they're poor or struggle financially or earn less than they are capable of, not because of what they know but because of what they do not know. They focus on perfecting their skills at building a better hamburger rather than the skills of selling and delivering the hamburger.

  3. A Perfect Heart
One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming(宣告,声明) that (宣告,声明) he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered, and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a flaw in it. Suddenly, an old man appeared and said, "Why, your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine!" The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was full of scars. It had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right, and there were several jagged 锯齿状的) edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges (锯齿状的) (沟) where whole pieces were missing. The young man laughed. "Comparing your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars." "Yes," said the old man, "Yours looks perfect but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love. I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart that fits into the empty place in my heart. "But because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared.
"Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his or her heart to me. These are the empty gouges - giving love is taking a chance. "Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for those people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I've been waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?" The young man walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man. The old man placed it in his heart, then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges. The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his. They embraced and walked away side by side. How sad it must be to go through life with a whole untouched heart!

  3.It's worth it
Horror gripped the heart of the World War I soldier as he saw his lifelong friend fall in battle. Caught in a trench(沟渠,战壕) with continuous gunfire whizzing over his head, the soldier (沟渠,战壕) asked his lieutenant(中尉,副官) if he might go out into the "No Man’s Land" between the (中尉,副官) trenches to bring his fallen comrade back. "You can go," said the Lieutenant, "but I don’t think it will be worth it. Your friend is probably dead and you may throw your own life away." The Lieutenant’s words didn’t matter, and the soldier went anyway. Miraculously he managed to reach his friend, hoisted 升起, ( 升起, 举起) him onto his shoulder, and 举起) brought him back to their company’s trench. As the two of them tumbled in together to the bottom of the trench, the officer checked the wounded soldier, then looked kindly at his friend. "I told you it wouldn’t be worth it," he said. "Your friend is dead, and you are mortally(致 ( 命地,非常) 命地,非常) wounded." "It was worth it, though, sir," the soldier said.
"How do you mean ‘worth it’?" responded the Lieutenant. "Your friend is dead!" "Yes sir," the private answered. "But it was worth it because when I got to him, he was still alive, and I had the satisfaction of hearing him say, ‘Jim, I knew you’d come.’" Many a time(许多次) in life, whether a thing is worth doing or not really depends on how you look at it. Take up all your courage and do something your heart tells you to do so that you may not regret not doing it later in life.
4 树的四季
There was a man. He had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things to go and look at a pear tree that was far away. The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring the third in summer, the youngest son in fall. When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen. The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent and weak. The second son said no - it was covered with green buds and full of promise. The third son said it was laden with blossoms and they smelt so sweet and looked so besutiful. The last son disgreed with all of them, he said it was ripe and droop with fruit, full of life and fulfil men. The man then said to his sons that they were all right, because they each had seen but only one season in the tree's life. He told them that they cannot judge a tree or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are -- the pleasure, the joy and love that come from that life -- can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up. If you give up when it is winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, the fulfilment of your fall. Don' let the pain of one season destory the joy of all the rest.
 

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