?林肯过生日
Teacher: What great event happened in 1809?
Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln was born.
Teacher: Correct. And what great event happened in 1812?
Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday.
老师:1809年发生了什么重大事件?
小威利:亚伯拉罕-林肯诞生。
老师:正确。那么1812年发生了什么重要事件呢?
小威利:亚伯拉罕-林肯过他的三周岁生日。
(结束)
?那就更糟了
Much Worse
Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?
Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.
中文:
警察:有人抢你的手表时,你为什么不呼救呢?
男子:要是我张口的话,他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。
注释:

  1、shout for help:呼救

  2、rob of:抢劫
?黑暗时代
Teacher: Why do we sometimes call the Middle Ages the Dark Ages?
Betty: Because they had so many knights.
中文:
老师:为什么有时我们称中世纪为黑暗时代呢?
贝蒂:因为那时有许多骑士。(英文中的骑士和夜晚同音)
注释:

  1、the Middle Ages 中世纪

  2、the Dark Ages 欧洲中世纪、黑暗时代

  3、knight n. (欧洲中世纪的)骑士
(结束)
?总感到口渴
"I had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me."
"That's terrible!" said the friend. "Got any pain?"
"No, but I am always thirsty!"
中文:
一个男人对他的朋友说:“我动了一次手术,手术后医生把一块海绵忘在我的身体里了。”
“真是太糟糕了!”朋友说道:“你觉得疼吗?”
“不疼,可是我总感到口渴。”
(结束)

?他为什么喊
Why Is He Howling
Dentist: Please stop howling. I haven't even touched your tooth yet.
Patient: I know, but you are standing on my foot!
中文:
牙医:请你不要再喊了!我还没碰你的牙呢。
病人:我知道,可是你正踩着我的脚呀!
注释:

  1、howl:v. 嚎叫、嚎哭

  2、stop doing sth. 停下正在做的某事
stop to do sth. 停下(正在做的事)去做某事
(结束)
?眼睛在前耳朵在后
A physics Examination
Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.
The question was: When it thunders , why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunder rolls?
Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
中文:
在一次物理考试时,当同学们都还在苦思冥想时,尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。
这个问题是:为什么在打雷时,我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声?
尼克的回答是:因为眼睛在前,耳朵在后。
?喜欢炸鸡
Teacher and Student
In class the teacher showed pictures of various birds. Then he asked one of the students, "What kind of bird do you like best, Jack?"
Jack thought a moment, then answered, "Fried chicken, sir."
中文:
老师在课堂上向学生们展示了各种各样的鸟的照片。然后他问其中一名学生,“杰克,你最喜欢哪种鸟儿啊?”
杰克想了想,回答,“炸鸡,老师。”
?上帝不聋但奶奶聋了
God and Grandma
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents'. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the younger one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO... I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."
His older brother nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
To which the younger one replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
中文:
  两个小男孩在他们的祖父母家过夜。睡觉时间到了,这两个小男孩跪在床上祈祷。弟弟用非常大的声音祈祷着,“我祈求有一辆新自行车……我祈求有一个新游戏机……我祈求有一个新录像机……”
他的哥哥用胳膊肘轻轻地碰了他一下,说:“你为什么这么大声地喊叫呢?上帝又不是聋子。”
弟弟听了回答道:“上帝是不聋,可奶奶聋呀!”
?父亲在哪
Where is the father?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
中文:
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看,”哥哥说,“这些画多漂亮呀!”
“是啊,”弟弟说道,“可是在所有这些画中,只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢?”
哥哥想了一会儿,然后解释道:“很明显,他当时正在画这些画呗。”
?医生懂得多
The Doctor Knows Better
A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."
"I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor.
Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."
"Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"
  中文:       
  一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院。他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:“我想他伤得很厉害。”
医生说:“恐怕他已经死了。”
听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:“我没死,我还活着。”
妻子说:“安静,医生比你懂得多。”
?你怎么引起洪水的
Lawyer and Engineer
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and the insurance company paid for everything."
"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?" he asked.
中文:
一个律师与一个工程师在加勒比海边钓鱼。律师说:“我到这里是因为我的房子被大火烧了,保险公司赔偿了我所有的损失。”
“这太巧了,”工程师说,“我是因为房子被洪水冲垮了,保险公司也赔偿了所有的损失。”
律师看起来有些困惑,“你是怎么引起洪水的?”他不解的问。
(结束)
?坐在后坐上
Never Mind
   
A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, even the brake pedal!" he cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time "Never mind," the drunk said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."
  中文:
  一个醉汉打电话给警察局,报告小偷光顾了他的车,“他们偷走了仪表盘、方向盘,甚至连刹车脚板都偷走了。”
然而在警察还没有开始调查时,电话又一次响了起来,“没事了”,醉汉打着嗝说,“我不小心坐到了后坐上。”
?我知道你会帮我
I knew I could count on you!
Smith goes to see his boss in the front office. "Boss," he says: "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage."
"We're short-handed, Smith." the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"
中文:
史密斯去找他的老板。“老板,我们家明天有很重的工作要做,我妻子让我修阁楼和车库。”
“可我们很缺人,史密斯。”老板答道,“我不可能放你的假。”
“谢谢,老板。”史密斯说,“我就知道你会帮我。”
?是他的错
It's His Fault
   
Billy and Bobby were brothers, and they often had fights with each other.
Last Saturday their mother said to them, "I'm going to cook our lunch now. Go out and play in the garden - and be good."
"Yes, Mummy." the two boys answered, and they went out.
They played in the garden for half an hour, and then Billy ran into the kitchen, "Mummy, " he said, "Bobby's broken a window in Mrs. Allens' house."
"He's a bad boy," his mother said. "How did he break it?"
"I threw a stone at him," Billy answered,"and he quickly ducked.".
中文:
比利和波比是两兄弟,两人经常打架。
上个星期六,他们的妈妈对他们说:“我现在要做午饭了。去,到花园去玩吧,别淘气。”
“是,妈妈。”两个男孩回答,然后他们就出去了。
他们在花园里玩了半个小时,然后比利跑进了厨房。“妈妈,”他说:“ 波比打碎了艾伦太太家的窗玻璃。”
“他是个坏孩子。”他妈妈说。“他是怎么把玻璃打碎的?”
“我朝他扔了一块石子,”比利回答:“他蹲下了。”
(结束)
?谁愚蠢
Who is Stupid?
A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
Little Johnny then stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
中文:
一个老师在对学生们讲心理学,“谁认为自己蠢就站起来?”她一开始就说。
小约翰尼站了起来。
“你认为你很蠢吗,小约翰尼?”老师问。
“不是的,老师,我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”
(结束)
?丢失的钱包
Lost Purse
   
A lady lost her handbag. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills."
The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."
  中文:
一个女人丢了手提包,有一个诚实的小孩捡到后交还给了她。她看了看钱包,说:“嗯,这么有趣,我丢的时候里面是一张20美元,现在成了20张一美元。”
没错,夫人。”小男孩立刻回答道,“上次我捡到钱包时,那位夫人没有零钱奖赏给我。”
(结束)
?真的还是假的
True Or False?
One day a young businessman asked his girl friend, "Dear, will you marry me if I am bankrupt?"
"Of course, I will." the girl said firmly.
"Do you mean what you say?" the man asked.
"That's what I want to ask you." the girl said.
一天一个年轻的商人问他女朋友:“亲爱的,如果我破产了你还会嫁给我吗?”
“当然会。”女孩坚定的回答。
“你是说真的吗?”他问道。
“这正是我想问你的问题。”女孩说。
?睡前祷告
Bedtime Prayers
Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "Make Naples the capital of Italy."
Her mother interrupted and said. "Julie, why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy?"
And Julie replied, "Because that's what I put in my geography exam!"
中文:
朱莉叶在做睡前祈祷。“祷告上帝。”她说,“让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。”
妈妈打断她说:“朱莉叶,你为什么求上帝让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都呢?”
朱莉叶回答说:“因为我的地理考卷上是这么写的。”
(结束)
 

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