1、A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
  2、Bush got something wrong with his brain. After medical examination, doctor tells him: Your brain has two parts: one is left, and another is right. Your left brain has nothing right, Your right brain has nothing left.
  3、My Baby Swallowed a Bullet Young Mother: "Doctor, my baby swallowed a bullet. What shall I do ? Doctor: "Don't point him at anybody." Notes
  1. to swallow a bullet: 吞下一颗子弹
  2. to point at: 对...瞄准
  4、Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly: "First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking: "What should I do next?"
  5、Teacher : Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have? Ted : $
  10. Teacher : You don't know maths . Ted : You don't know my father!
  6、Father : Why did you fail your mathematics test? Son : On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8 Father : So? Son : On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=
  8. If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
  7、 mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the A living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father. Daughter : It's mummy!
Father : How do you know? Daughter : She didn't say anything.
  8、Two men were facing each other on the train. First man : I know my hearing isn't that good, but I never thought this would happen. I must have gotten stone deaf. Here you have been talking to me for an hour and I can't hear a word. Second man : I wasn't speaking. I was only chewing gum.
  9、To Go to Heaven Sunday School teacher: Hands up all those who want to go to Heaven? Hands up ..... what about you, Terry? You haven't got your hand up -- don't you want to go to Heaven? Terry: I can't. My Mum told me to go straight home.

  10、The plural Form of "Child" Teacher: What is the plural of man, Tom? Tom: Men. Teacher: Good. And the plural of child? Tom: Twins.
  11、When Do People Talk Least? Student A: When do people talk least? Student B: In February. Student A: Why? Student B: Because February is the shortest month of a year.
  12、The Reason of Being Late Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning? Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost says, 'School -- Go Slow'.
  13、A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy."
  14、The Father and His Son Father: You know, Tom, when Lincoln was your age, he was a very good pupil. In fact, he was the best pupil in his class. Tom: Yes, Father. I know that. But when he was your age, he was President of the United States.



   On a hot summer day an elderly gentleman faints in the street. A small crowd immediately gathers around him. "Give the poor man a glass of brandy," advises a woman. "Give him a heart massage, " says someone else. "No, just g ...


   One or Two 一还是二 Customer: Waiter, I've only got one piece of meat in my dish. Waiter:Just a moment, sir and I'll cut it in two. 顾客:服务员,我盘子里怎么只有一块肉? 服务员:先生,请稍候,我去把它切成两块. I can not see it at all After supper, the parents were busy playing mah-jong wi ...


   1. Being rather bald, I have long been used to comforting myself on a visit to the hairdresser with the opening remark,"Grass doesn't grow on a busy street," However, I was not prepared for the response of one barber:" We always say ...


   ENGLISH HUMORS Men and Woman Man: I could go to the end of the world for you. Woman: Yes, but would you stay there? Man: I offer you myself. Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts. Man: I want to share everything with you. Woman: Let's start ...


   英语笑话(一) 一人上班老是放响屁,同事忍不住说:你能不能不出声?然后便见他坐在那抖个不停。同事问他在干什么,他答:我现在已经调成振动啦! 蜘蛛深爱着蚂蚁,表达爱意时却遭到拒绝,蜘蛛大吼:“为什么?这一切是为什么?”蚂蚁胆怯地说:“俺妈说了,成天在网上呆着的都不是好人!” 小毛:我妈妈是硕士,爸爸是博士。小新:有什么了不起!小毛:你爸妈是什么士?小新:我爸爸是男士,我妈妈是女士。 0看见8说:小样,胖就胖呗,还扎腰带;7对2说:跪吧,在跪500年也不嫁给你;6对9说:酷就酷呗,还玩倒立;8看见 ...


   If Life Were Like A Computer 假如生活是一台电脑 You could add/remove someone in your life using the control panel. You could put your kids in the recycle bin and restore them when you feel like it! You could improve your appearance by adjusting the display ...


   英语笑话 1. He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有 1000 个人。 -- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的? -- 墓地守墓人。 2. They are directly from America Not long afte ...


   ?林肯过生日 Teacher: What great event happened in 1809? Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln was born. Teacher: Correct. And what great event happened in 1812? Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday. 老师:1809年发生了什么重大事件? 小威利:亚伯拉罕-林肯诞生。 老师:正确。那么1812 ...


   The World and The King, condemn Harry's inappropriate behavior Sandra laville and Richard Norton- Taylor Prince Charles's household was forced into a difficult situation recently after Prince Harry was photographed in a Nazi uniform complete with s ...


   A tiger caught a Deer.一只老虎抓到一头鹿 The tiger plans to eat the deer, so the deer screamed: " you can't eat me"老虎打算吃了这头鹿.鹿急忙大叫:“你不能吃我?” The tiger hesitated, feeling very strange, so he asked the deer: " why can't i eat you? 老虎一楞,感到很奇怪,于是问鹿 ...



   2011 四级备考 短语与搭配 1. abide by(=be faithful to ; obey)忠于;遵守。 2. be absent from…. 缺席,不在 3. absence or mind(=being absent-minded) 心不在焉 4. absorb(=take up the attention of)吸引…的注意力(被动语态):be absorbed in 全 神贯注于…近:be engrossed in ; be lost in ; be rapt in ;b ...


   2008-2009 学年度第二学期期末质量检测 分钟) 五年级英语试题(40 分钟) 亲爱的同学们,这个学期即将结束,相信 你肯定又学到了许多新知识,掌握了许多新本 领,现在就来尽情展示一下吧! 听力部分( 听力部分(30 分) 一、听录音,选出你所听到的单词,每小题读两遍。 分) (8 ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ) 1. A. rain ) 2. A. green ) 3. A. plant ) 4. A.skirt ) 5. A. water ) 6. A. twelfth ) 7 ...


   常用词汇( 常用词汇(四) dual purpose exports 军民两用品出口 dual-use goods and technology 军民两用产品和技术 NAFTA North American Free Trade Area 北美自由贸易区 global quota 全球配额 grandfather clause 祖父条款 Animal-derived food 动物源食品 EVSL (Early Voluntary Sectoral Liberalization) 部门提前自 ...


   台北~#新??市W泰W民小[x英??句型???I表(六年}) 六年 __ 班 座?_ 姓名 序?_ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 英文 Good morning. Goodbye. Good afternoon. Good night. How are you? I’m fine. Thanks. Thank you. You are welcome. Very good. Good job. Stand up. Sit do ...


   高一英语下册重点单词和短语 Unit 13 本单元重点单词 decision n. 决定 contain vt. 包含;容纳 stomach n. 胃 patient n. 病人 pain n. & vt. 疼 knee n. 膝 energy n. 能量 traditional adj. 传统的 calorie n. 卡路思,卡(热量单位) protein n. 蛋白质 calcium n. 钙 nutrient n. 营养物 fibre n. 纤维 pills n. 药丸 inc ...