1、A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
  2、Bush got something wrong with his brain. After medical examination, doctor tells him: Your brain has two parts: one is left, and another is right. Your left brain has nothing right, Your right brain has nothing left.
  3、My Baby Swallowed a Bullet Young Mother: "Doctor, my baby swallowed a bullet. What shall I do ? Doctor: "Don't point him at anybody." Notes
  1. to swallow a bullet: 吞下一颗子弹
  2. to point at: 对...瞄准
  4、Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly: "First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking: "What should I do next?"
  5、Teacher : Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have? Ted : $
  10. Teacher : You don't know maths . Ted : You don't know my father!
  6、Father : Why did you fail your mathematics test? Son : On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8 Father : So? Son : On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=
  8. If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
  7、 mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the A living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father. Daughter : It's mummy!
Father : How do you know? Daughter : She didn't say anything.
  8、Two men were facing each other on the train. First man : I know my hearing isn't that good, but I never thought this would happen. I must have gotten stone deaf. Here you have been talking to me for an hour and I can't hear a word. Second man : I wasn't speaking. I was only chewing gum.
  9、To Go to Heaven Sunday School teacher: Hands up all those who want to go to Heaven? Hands up ..... what about you, Terry? You haven't got your hand up -- don't you want to go to Heaven? Terry: I can't. My Mum told me to go straight home.

  10、The plural Form of "Child" Teacher: What is the plural of man, Tom? Tom: Men. Teacher: Good. And the plural of child? Tom: Twins.
  11、When Do People Talk Least? Student A: When do people talk least? Student B: In February. Student A: Why? Student B: Because February is the shortest month of a year.
  12、The Reason of Being Late Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning? Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost says, 'School -- Go Slow'.
  13、A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy."
  14、The Father and His Son Father: You know, Tom, when Lincoln was your age, he was a very good pupil. In fact, he was the best pupil in his class. Tom: Yes, Father. I know that. But when he was your age, he was President of the United States.



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英语 笑话

   1)TOM'S EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow". 汤姆的借口 老师:汤姆,您为什么每天上学迟到? 汤姆:我每次路过拐角,一个路标上面写着:"学校慢 行。" DID YOUR DAD... 2)Tom call Jim's name: ...


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   A tiger caught a Deer.一只老虎抓到一头鹿 The tiger plans to eat the deer, so the deer screamed: " you can't eat me"老虎打算吃了这头鹿.鹿急忙大叫:“你不能吃我?” The tiger hesitated, feeling very strange, so he asked the deer: " why can't i eat you? 老虎一楞,感到很奇怪,于是问鹿 ...



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