英语笑话(一) 老师在黑板上写了一句:Time is money.并让同学们翻译.有名学生答道:"汤姆 是玛丽." 小明上英文课时跟老师说:May I go to the toilet? 老师说:Go ahead. 小明就坐了下来.过了一会儿,小明又跟老师说:May I go to the toilet? 老师说:Go ahead. 小明又坐了下来.他旁边的同学于是忍不住问:你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗?怎么 不去? 小明说:你没听老师说「去你个头」啊! 英语笑话(二) 某日刘洪涛遇到外宾,上前搭话曰:I am hongtao liu,外宾曰:我 TM 还是方片七 呢! 英语笑话(三) 江青会见外宾,要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻,不许走样.外宾一见到江青,立刻 拍马屁道:"Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful." 翻译照翻,江青心花怒 放, 嘴上还要谦虚一下:"哪里,哪里". 翻译不敢怠慢, 把江青的话翻成英文: "Where? Where?" 外宾一愣, 还有这样的人, 追问哪里漂亮的,干脆马屁拍到底:"Everywhere, everywhere." 翻译:"你到处都很漂亮."江青更高兴了,但总是要客气一下:"不见得,不见 得".翻译赶紧翻成英文:"You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see." 英语笑话(四) 话说某年某月的某一天, 叁个神箭手约在一起比箭, 目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果.
A 神箭手挽弓长射,咻一声,利箭正中苹果.A 高傲的昂起下巴,比出一根大 拇指 道:「I AM 后羿!」 B 神箭手照本宣科,射中苹果,这回他自大的喊了一句:「I AM 丘比特!」 轮到 C 了,他也挽弓,利箭射出! 结果正中仆人的心脏.就听他结结巴巴好久才吐 出一句:「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」 英语笑话(五) 某人刻苦学习英语,终有小成.一日上街不慎与一老外相撞, 忙说:I am sorry. 老外应道:I am sorry too. 某人听后又道:I am sorry three. 老外不解,问:What are you sorry for? 某人无奈,道:I am sorry five. 英语笑话(六) 一位来自日本的旅客,坐出租车去机场的路上,看到一辆汽车经过,就说:"oh, TOKOTA! Made in Japan! It is very fast! "又有一辆经过, 他又说: "oh, NISSAN! Made in Japan! It is very fast!"司机有点不高兴,觉得他太吵了!当第三辆 经过时,他还是说:"oh,HONDA!Made in Japan! It is very fast!" 后来到了机场,那个日本人就问:"How Much?"出租车司机说:"1000!" 日本人惊奇的问司机:"为什么那么贵?"出租车司机回答说:"oh,mileometer (计 程表)!Made in Japan! It is very fast!" 英语笑话(七) 英语老师问一个学生,"How are you 是什么意思" 学生想 how 是怎么,you 是你,于是回答"怎么是你?" 老师生气又问另一个同学:"How old are you ?是什么意思?" 这个同学想了想说:"怎么老是你."
英语笑话(八) 某男,粗通英文,至使馆,有表要填,有一栏是 sex. 该男思之久已,毅然下笔:"Once a week". 签证官观后暴笑,曰:"This item should be filled in with male or female." 该男顿时赧颜,思之,填下"female",官楞之,曰:"shouldn't it be male?" 男急释曰:"I am a normal man, so I have sex with female." 英语笑话(九) 一位在美的留学生,想要考国际驾照.在考试时因为过于紧张,看到地上标线是向 左转. 他不放心的问道:turn left? 监考官回答:right. 于是他立刻向右转. 很抱歉他只有下次再来. 英语笑话(十) 传说克林顿和教皇同一天去世,上帝搞错了,把克林顿送上了天堂,而把教皇送入 了 地狱.发现错误后上帝马上改了回来,路上二人相遇. 教皇:感谢上帝,我终于能见到圣母玛利亚了(Virgin Maria). 克林顿(坏笑中):Sorry,it"s too late. 英语笑话(十一) A:What's on your hand? B:Watch. A:How to spell that? B:T-H-A-T~
 

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