Not "How" but "Why"
Critic: "By George, old chap, when I look at one of your paintings I stand and wonder"
Artist: "How I do it?"
Critic: "No, why you do it?"
Notes

  1.By George: 确实,的确。表示惊奇或感叹。

  2. old chap: 老兄。
Drunk
Six men who were feeling no pain were staggering down the street about one o'clock in the morning. Laughing and singing loudly, they walked up to a two-story home. One of them managed to make it to the door and pounded on the doorbell insistently. A light came on in an upstairs window.
The spokesman for the group yelled up,
" Is this where Mr. John Smith lives?"
"Yes, it is. What do you want?"
" Are you Mrs. Smith?"
" I am. What do you want?"
"Could you come down here and pick out Mr.Smith so the rest of us can go home?"
Notes

  1. stagger: 踉踉跄跄地走

  2. insistently: 持续不断地

  3. spokesman: 发言人;代言人
The Signs
Jones: " Why do you have such misspelled words and bad grammar on the signs in your windows?"
Storekeeper: " So people will think I'm a fool and come in expecting to get the best of me. Thanks to those signs, business is the best I've had in years.
Notes

  1. sign:招牌,广告(牌)。

  2. misspelled words:拼错的字。

  3. in your window:在你的橱窗里。

  4. to get the best of :得便宜。
Copyright ? 2001 TOM.COM LIMITED. All rights reserved.
What Is Your Name?
"Who's calling?" was the answer to the telephone.
"Watt."
"What is your name, please?"
"Watt's my name."
"That's what I asked you. What's your name?"
A long pause, and then, from Watt ,"Is this James Brown?"
"No, this is Knott."
"Please tell me your name."
"Will Knott."
Whereupon they both hung up.
Notes

  1. Who's calling? 你是谁?(打电话用语)

  2. watt's my name.我叫瓦特。对方理解为:What's my name?

  3. a long pause: 停了很长时间。

  4. No, this is Knott. 不,我是诺特。对方理解为;No, this is not (James Brown).

  5. Will Knott.是诺特。联对方理解为:(I)will not (tell you my name).

  6. Whereupon they both hung up. 于是双方都挂断了电话。
Here's One of My Best Pictures
Artist: "How, here's a picture -one of my best, too -I've just finished. When I started out I had no idea what it was going to be."
Friend: "After you got through, how did you find out what it was ?"
Killing Two Birds with One Stone
"Doctor, I am sorry to drag you so far out in the country on such bad night."
"Oh, it's all right because I have another patient near here so I can kill two birds with one stone."
Notes:
Killing two birds with one stone.
一石二鸟(一举两得)
写文章,讲话都应当考虑时间,地点和对象。此处医生对病人用了这一谚语,真令人啼笑皆非。
The Matter to Worry about
First Doctor: "You have cured your patient. What is there to worry about now?"
Younger Ditto: "I don't know which of the medicines cured him."
Notes

  1. What is there to worry about now? 现在还有什么伤神的事情呢?

  2. ditto ;同上,这里指医生。
I Don't Bother
"You don't seem to realize on which side your bread is buttered."
"What does it matter? I eat both sides!"
Notes:
Realize on which side one's bread is buttered: 明白自己的利益所在。这是句谚语。
to butter在…上涂黄油。
A Salesman
A salesman walked into the factory and demanded an interview with the manager.
"Look here, sir," he began, energetically, "I'd like to talk to your men and sell them my correspondence course on how to put fire and sparkle into their work."
The manager turned pale.
"Get out of here," he roared. "Get out, you idiot-this is a dynamite factory!"
Notes

  1. to demand an interview with: 要求与…面谈。

  2. energetically 精神饱满地,精力旺盛地。

  3. correspondence course:函授课程。

  4. put fire and sparkle into their work:充满活力与激情地工作。fire: 火;激情。sparkle 火花;生气,活力

  5. to turn pale:脸色变白。

  6. Get out of here.从这儿滚出去!

  7. idiot:白痴。

  8. dynamite :炸药。
 

相关内容

英语笑话

   Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents."What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman,"he answered. "You'er a good boy,"said the mother proudly."Here are tow cents more ...

英语笑话

   Who Is the Laziest? Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class? Tom: I don't know, father. Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and ...

英语 笑话

   1)TOM'S EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow". 汤姆的借口 老师:汤姆,您为什么每天上学迟到? 汤姆:我每次路过拐角,一个路标上面写着:"学校慢 行。" DID YOUR DAD... 2)Tom call Jim's name: ...

英语笑话

   1. Being rather bald, I have long been used to comforting myself on a visit to the hairdresser with the opening remark,"Grass doesn't grow on a busy street," However, I was not prepared for the response of one barber:" We always say ...

英语笑话

   Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes. The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their au ...

英语笑话

   英语笑话 1. He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有 1000 个人。 -- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的? -- 墓地守墓人。 2. They are directly from America Not long afte ...

英语笑话

   英语笑话 1. Don't work for money The world is filled with smart, talented, educated and gifted people. We meet them every day. A few days ago, my car was not running well. I pulled it into a garage, and the young mechanic had it fixed in just a few min ...

英语笑话

   Give Me a Dollar 给我一块钱 Son: Dad, give me a dime. Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I guess you're right, Dad. Give me a dollar, will you? 儿子:爸爸,给我一角钱。 父亲:儿子,你不认为你已经长大了,不该再老是一角一角地要钱了(该自立了),不是 吗 ...

英语笑话

   ?林肯过生日 Teacher: What great event happened in 1809? Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln was born. Teacher: Correct. And what great event happened in 1812? Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday. 老师:1809年发生了什么重大事件? 小威利:亚伯拉罕-林肯诞生。 老师:正确。那么1812 ...

英语笑话

   A tiger caught a Deer.一只老虎抓到一头鹿 The tiger plans to eat the deer, so the deer screamed: " you can't eat me"老虎打算吃了这头鹿.鹿急忙大叫:“你不能吃我?” The tiger hesitated, feeling very strange, so he asked the deer: " why can't i eat you? 老虎一楞,感到很奇怪,于是问鹿 ...

热门内容

关于工资的英语词汇大全

   1 关于工资的英语词汇大全 Pay check An official form issued by a company which can be cashed at designated financial institutions. 工资支票 公司签发的、能够在指定金融机构兑现的支票 Pay stub Basically a receipt for record-keeping. Identifies all of the items and amounts used in calcul ...

高一英语必修一,必修二单词表

   高一英语单词表 以下包括必修一与必修二 survey 调查.测验 add up 合计 upset adj 心烦意乱的;不安的,不适的 ignore不理睬.忽视 have got to 不得不;必须 concern(使)担比:涉及;关系到 n 担心;关注.(利害)关系 be concerned about 关心.挂念 walk the dog 遇狗 loose adj 松的.松开的 vet 兽医 go through 经历;经受 Amsterdam 阿姆斯特丹(荷兰首都) Netherlands ...

英语禁忌语

   第一个词是 cock.这个词是一开始学英语就学到的基本词汇之一,大家都知道它是"公 鸡"的意思,可是在美语里,最好就不要用它了,因为它的意思早就不是"公鸡"了. 在俚语里面,它指的是男性生殖器.比如你要说:"他有两只公鸡.",千万不要说: He has two cocks.这样一定会让人误解的.那么用哪个词表达"公鸡"的意思呢?这 时候,Rooster 就是最好的选择了.例如你要说:"我是鸡年生的.&q ...

高一英语(上)Unit 4词组

   Unit 4 Phrases and expressions 1. What do you know about…? 对。。你了解多少? 。 2. television studio 电视演播室 3. the answer to the question 问题的答案 4. at the studio 在演播室 5. start doing / start to do 开始做。 。 6. must feel worried about 肯定担心 7. Can he feel worried a ...

【精品】初到外国时闹的英语笑话

   臭诸壬繁疟薯田嚣钢豆死镍盛众政鹊免汪 堪甄弱锄企扎狮景督洗秒玉 谢匙汝蚤垛匹鲤挛雁膘粪牧 撅间牛剂唯滑材早硕量桃疑 伍盈膘沏镐鼠赤斤抓俘斥轻 识刮蚂讼哇库焙惰百拍锑某 羡傻戏报蛙缀悬讹剥爵糟烽 葫政助四凉稼嗅雕袜霉暗选 勺死狗影喧橱拿峭砷码截哆 维版臃肆林牢谨攒真庐铡引 瞎妻瞎钱鸿蕾籍提暴惨强渣 撞赋狡巩序背纲祸砖锹斟伶 捆雨俘重秉矿合契嗅蹲洼戏 莹驱圾仟糟墒普侄雌傈坛健 修物袖贷昧宣艺阀罕乒缩谍 铀藐妒柳涪械嗜妻板钾搜瘟 裹砰准坟卓化堂术始秆汲南 犯勃噪啼酮锤檄蹄腾瘫附泅 行愈无庚盖不秦 ...