英语笑话短文 Pig or Witch A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen. 猪还是女巫 一个男人在一条陡峭狭窄的山路上驾车,一个女人相向驾车而来。他们相遇时,那个女的从 窗中伸出头来叫到:“猪! !”那个男的立即从窗中伸出头来回敬道:“女巫! !”他们继续前行。 这个男的在下一个路口转弯时, 撞上了路中间的一头猪。 要是这个男的能听懂那个女人的意 思就好了。 ??????????????????????????????????????? ?? Response Ability An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didn't constitute gambling, the minister replied, "It's merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity." Philosopher Bertrand Russell, asked if he was willing to die for his beliers, replied: "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong." A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?" The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit." 答问技巧 衣阿华州奥格根的一位牧师正在与一位教友为一杯咖啡而猜硬币。 别人问他那是否构成赌博 行为时,牧师答道:“这仅仅是决定由谁来做一件善事的一种科学方法。” 当我人问哲学家罗素是否愿意为了他的信仰而献身时,他答道:“当然不会。毕竟,我可能 会是错的。” 一份报纸组织了一场竞赛,为下面的问题征集最佳答案:“如果卢浮宫起了火,而你只能救 出一幅画,你将救出哪一幅?” 获奖的答案是:“最接近门口的那一幅。” ??????????????????????????????????????? ? Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast. For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion. In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion. "What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief. "Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"
伟大的猎手 Jonesie 有个小村庄正为一只吃人的狮子而烦恼。于是,村长派人去请伟大的猎手 Jonesie 来杀死这 只野兽。 猎手躺着等了几个晚上,但狮子一直没有出现。最后,他要求村长杀只羊然后把头皮给他。 把羊皮披在身上后,猎人到草原上去等狮子。 半夜,村民被从草原传来的声嘶力竭的尖叫声惊醒。他们小心地靠近后,看到猎手正躺在草 地上痛苦地呻吟。没有狮子出没的蛛丝马迹。 “Jonesie,怎么了?狮子在哪?”村长问。 “哪有狮子!”猎人怒吼道,“哪个傻瓜把公牛放出来了?” ??????????????????????????????????????? ? Weather Predict A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained. A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm. "This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks. Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?" The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken." 天气预报 一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处工作.一天,一个印度老人到导演跟前告诉导演说"明天下雨."第 二天果然下雨了. 一周后,印度人又来告诉导演说,"明天有风暴."果然,第二天下了雹暴. "印度人真神,"导演说.他告诉秘书雇佣该印度人来预报天气. 几次预报都很成功.然后,接下来的两周,印度人不见了. 最后,导演派人去把他叫来了."我明天必须拍一个很大的场景,"导演说,"这得靠你了.明天天气 如何啊?" 印度人耸了耸肩."我不知道,"印度人说,"收音机坏了." ??????????????????????????????????????? ??? I Am Acting Like a Lady One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women. He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed. "You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?" "Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady." 我要表现得象位女士 一天, 远东百货公司的女装大减价, 一位高贵的中年男士想给太太买一件。 可是, 没过多久,
他发现自己已被疯狂的女人冲得踉踉跄跄。 他竭力忍耐着。后来,他低下头,挥动双臂,挤过人群。 “你干嘛?”有人尖声叫道,“你难道不能表现得象位绅士吗?” “听着,”他说,“我已经象绅士一样表现了一个小时。从现在起,我要表现得象个女士。”
 

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