Joke Overview
Abstract Painting A student handed in a blank canvas during a final test in an art school. "Where is the painting?" The teacher asked. The student pointed at the paper and said, "Here." "What did you paint?" "The horse was eating." "Where is the hay?" "The horse ate it all." "Where is the horse?" "No point for him to stay if there is no more hay for him to eat." 句子练习 练习: 句子练习:This examination paper(试卷) is very easy. Take Medicine After seeing the doctor, Lee paid for the appointment and the medicine. The pharmacist gave him 2 bags of medicine and said, "Big one 2 tablets per day. small one one tablet per day." When Lee arrived home, Lee called over his 2 sons. He gave the big one 2 tablets per day, and he gave the small one one tablet per day. He murmured to himself, "I don't understand why the pharmacist asked my kids to take the medicine, not me." 句子练习 练习: 句子练习:If you are sick, you should go to the hospital to see a doctor. Sorry A woman enters a bank with her two-year-old daughter in her arms. The daughter has a piece of bread and offers it to the bank clerk who shakes her head with smiling. "Be a good girl and don't do that." says the woman to her daughter, and then she turns to the clerk saying, "I'm sorry. Please forgive her for we just came from the zoo." 句子练习 练习: 句子练习:The clerk told me the bank wouldn't open tomorrow. From Which Country A 7-year-old Chinese girl was watching TV with her uncle. They were watching a football game together, the uncle said to his niece, "Black hair is Chinese, red or blonde hair is from another country." The uncle was not sure whether his niece understood, so he said again, "Chinese people have black hair." "I see. My grandfather has white hair. Where is my grandfather from?" asked the little girl. 句子练习 It's 练习: ( 重播) on 句子练习: hard to understand why such good football match is not rebroadcast 转播, TV. Who is that A mother asked her kids to go to bed. Then she removed her makeup(卸妆), washed her hair, and put on her pajamas. A loud noise came from her kids' room and she lost her patience. She wrapped her hair in a towel 手巾, ( 手巾) and rushed into their room yelling. She ordered them all to go to bed. After she left, the 3-year-old girl asked, "Who is that?" 句子练习 练习: 句子练习:She removed her makeup with a towel around her upper garment(上衣). Head Exercise A fat woman is complaining to her doctor. "Doctor, my weight has passed 90 kg(Kilogram). What shall I do?" "You should do some exercise." "What exercise should I do?" "It will be some simple head exercise, from left to right, then from right to left." "How many times a day?" "I'm not sure, whenever someone offers to treat you, you should do the exercise until he or she leaves." 句子练习 练习: 句子练习:She is always complaining about her overweight.
Joke Overview
To Find Joy In One's Own Way 自得其乐 One day, Alexandre Dumas went to a German restaurant. He wanted to try German mushrooms, but the waiter did not understand his French. He had an idea. He drew a mushroom on the paper. The waiter understood and left. Alexandre Dumas was glad and he was thinking, "My drawing is not as good as my writing, but I canexpress myself with it." A quarter of an hour later, the waiter returned holding an umbrella and said, "Sir, here you are." 句子练习 练习: 句子练习:The shop assistant said in French with a smile, "Please leave your umbrella at the door". The Woman Who Loves You Best Mike returned home after work and parked his car in the courtyard. His wife was watering the flowers. When she saw the car was dirty, she saw the car was dirty, she cleaned it. As she wanted to give her husband a surprise, she walked into the room and said to him, "Mike, the woman who loves you best has cleaned the car for you." With a surprise, Mike asked, "Really? When did my mother come?" The Difference Mr. Rockefeller asked for the cheapest room in a hotel. The reservationist(预订员) asked, "Why do you stay in the cheapest room while your son always requests the best room?" "Because his father is rich and my father is poor." 句子练习 练习: 句子练习:This hotel charges(收费) very low prices. The English-Channel A good swimmer swam across the English-Channel. Many people surrounded him when he reached the shore and greeted him warmly. An old woman came over to him and asked in a friendly manner, "Don't you know that a boat goes across this channel?" 句子练习 练习: 句子练习:It takes a ship two hours to cross the channel. One's Own Profession 最拿手的 ( , A doctor wasn't good at curing a cold. One day, when he was working the night shift 轮班) he received a patient with a bad cold. Unhesitatingly, he led the patient into an air-conditioned room and turned the air-conditioner to the lowest temperature which made the patient feel in a blue funk (恐怖,怯懦). Seeing this, the doctor explained, "Only in this way can your cold be converted into pneumonia(肺炎) which is my profession." 句子练习 练习: 句子练习:The air-conditioner was so cool that it gave me a bad cold.. Recovery A madman always believed himself be a rat 总觉得自己是老鼠) but with the help of his doctor ( , he recovered. On the day when he was to leave the hospital, the doctor walked him to the gate. Suddenly, a cat came into sight and the man was scared speechless. The doctor asked, "Why are you still afraid of the cat since you have recovered from your illness?" The man replied, "I know I'm not a rat anymore, but does the cat know that?" 句子练习 练习: 句子练习:Doctor told the patient, "You've recovered and can leave the hospital.".
Joke Overview
To Deserve One's Reputation A professor was giving a test to a very clever 6-year-old boy. professor: "When is your birthday?" Boy: "March
  30." professor: "What year?" boy: "Every year." 句子练习 练习: 句子练习:He past the intelligence test. It's Difficult To Tell Who Will Win A duck and a crab had a race and they arrived at the finish line at the same time. The judge said, "Let's decided the winner by playing Scissors, Stone, Cloth." The duck replied angrily, "Are you trying to fool me? I can only show cloth and the crab always shows scissors." 句子练习 练习: 句子练习:The referee(裁判) announced him winner of the 100-meter race. The Most Cheerful Audience During a box match, a boxer has his teeth smashed out. All of the audience feels terrible except one, who looks very happy and enthusiastic. A curious audience member sitting beside him can't help asking him, "Sir, are you a boxing coach(教练)?" "No, " he replys , " I'm a dentist." 句子练习 练习: 句子练习:Boxing matches are very popular in Thailand(泰国). It's Good To Get Up Early A father tries to convince his 7-year-old son one of the disadvantages of sleeping late. Finally, the Father comes to a solution by saying," Remember, the early bird gets the worm." The son isn't convinced(不服气) at all, "Is it bad luck for the worm to get up early?" Reply A Scotsman was going to London and he wanted to visit his old friend on the way. He forgot the address so he sent a telegram to ask his father," Do you know Thomas's address? Please reply quickly." He received the reply on the same day saying, "Yes, I know it." French Pub One night in Pairs, France, an American tourist walked into a pub by the river. After several drinks, the tourist found he was the last customer except for one other man who buried his head upon a table in the corner. He called the waiter to pay the check "Monsieur, would you like one more drink?" asked the waiter. 'No more, thanks! But I think it's time for you to close." "It's not time, not yet." " But the street is already empty." "We're here to serve the last customer as long as he stays." Replied the waiter who casted a look at the sleeping customer in the corner. "Well," responded the American, "I really appreciate your thoughtful service. But that gentleman must have slept there long enough. Why don't you send him home?" "Well, we'll do that when our boss says 'YES'. Each time we wake up that gentleman, he pays the bill again and again. He is our boss's favorite customer." 句子练习 练习: 句子练习:The customer pays according to the bill. Have The Boss 吃老板 A man who doesn't know any French goes sightseeing in France. He walks into a restaurant but he can't figure out what is on the menu. His pride won't allow him to show his ignorance of French, so he recklessly points at a line on the menu and says, "I'd like to have this one. I think it must taste wonderful!" The waiter looks surprised, "That's our boss!" 句子练习 练习: 句子练习:Please bring me a menu. I'd like to order the French dish now.
Joke Overview
Unexpected Enthusiasm A mean, stingy(吝啬的, 小气的, 缺乏的, 有刺的)boss of the canteen is giving orders to his waiters and waitress, "Today, be sure you are courteous to every guest and give them as much rice as they ask for. Understand?" " Yes, sir. But you did not allow us to give them more rice before. Will some distinguished guests come today?" One waiter asked the boss in a low voice. "No, " the boss replied, "It's because the rice has all been badly over cooked." 句子练习 练习: 句子练习:The services in this restaurant are enthusiastic and considerate(热情周到). Awful 不得了 Mr. Wang said to his two friends proudly, "My wife gave birth to twins after reading the book TWO HAPPY BROTHERS." "That's a piece of cake, " one of his friends replied, "My wife gave birth to triplets after reading THREE MUSKETEERS(持步枪的士兵, 步兵)三个火枪手." Having heard what they both said, the third friend burst into a shocked cry, "My God. How awful it would be. I must go home at once since my wife is reading ALIBARBA AND FORTY THIEVES." Obedient 听话 Mr. Wang has four kids and they are all very naughty. One day, the kids were fighting when he returned home from work. His wife was glad to see him home and said, "It's great that you came home." Mr. Wang was happy because he thought the kids respected him. She continued, "Only you obey my orders. Get me some salt from the shop." 句子练习 练习: 句子练习:My child is very good. She is neither naughty nor rowdy(吵闹). Price Sara takes her husband to a fashionable clothing store. She wants to buy one of the fashionable items. She puts on one dress, and models it for her husband in front of the mirror. She looks at her husband and says, "Let's buy this one. Such a pretty dress makes me feel 6-7 years younger." Her husband checks the prices: 10,000 USD. He said, "But such a high price makes me feel 7-8 years older." 句子练习 练习: 句子练习:Young people like pursuing fashion(年轻人喜欢追求时尚). Only God Can Pass It After receiving the math test paper from the teacher, Tom couldn't solve any of the problems. Then he wrote on the test paper, "Such a difficult test only God can pass. I can not." Later, Tom got the test results from the teacher who wrote, God 1
  00. Tom
  0. Price Lang just received his monthly salary so he took his wife to a luxury restaurant. They were surprised when they saw the bill. "Why is a glass of wine so expensive?" asked Lang. The waiter replied, "A glass of wine will be charged as the price of a bottle, the same for other items." Lang's wife became very pale, "I just had a piece of whale" 句子练习 练习: 句子练习:This is a luxury restaurant. Both wines and dishes are very expensive.
Joke Overview
To Change A friend who sells clothes came to have a couple of drinks at my home. After a few glasses of wine, he was tipsy and he said to me, "Hey, man, you have changed your house, your computer, and your car, are you going to change your wife next?" Unexpectedly, his wife who was next to the dining room heard what he said. After my friend left, she said to me, "We do not need to change the house, the electrical appliances, the computer or the car; but you have to change your friend." 句子练习 We 练习: ( . 句子练习: sell both garment and household electric appliances 我们既做服装生意也做家电生意) Call The Police One day, the police station received a telephone call whose voice was very urgent. "Sir, help!" Please help quickly. "Take it easy, Miss. What has happened?" "A cat is climbing into my room." "It won't be a problem." "Yes, yes. That cat is very dangerous. That cat is very dangerous." "Don't panic, Miss. A cat is not dangerous at all." "Sir, is this police station 110? If yes, you must come to save me since I called you. Be quickly. The cat has come in. It's dangerous." "Who are you, Miss?" "'I'm a parrot." Answered the voice at the other end. 句子练习 练习: 句子练习:Call the police in an emergency(当遇到危险和紧急情况时,应立即向警察局报警). Requested By The Audience "I came to tune(调试) the piano." "I didn't call the piano tuner." "No, you did not but your neighbor did." Give It To Me David has his first girlfriend. One day, they went to a noodles restaurant. David finished quickly, but his girlfriend was still eating. He asked tenderly, "My dear, are you still hungry?" She felt warm and happy and replied, "Not anymore." Then David said, "Good. If you are not hungry anym



   Joke Overview 看笑话 Abstract Painting A student handed in a blank canvas during a final test in an art school. "Where is the painting?" The teacher asked. The student pointed at the paper and said, "Here." "What did you paint ...


   英语笑话集锦 A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second&q ...

英语笑话集锦 (大量短篇笑话供娱乐和阅读)

   英语笑话集锦 The Perfect Son. A: I have the perfect son. B: Does he smoke? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he drink whiskey? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he ever come home late? A: No, he doesn't. B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? A: ...

英语 笑话

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   One or Two 一还是二 Customer: Waiter, I've only got one piece of meat in my dish. Waiter:Just a moment, sir and I'll cut it in two. 顾客:服务员,我盘子里怎么只有一块肉? 服务员:先生,请稍候,我去把它切成两块. I can not see it at all After supper, the parents were busy playing mah-jong wi ...


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   英语笑话 PartPart-time Job 业余工作 When my son was a high-school sophomore, he got a part-time job-- sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles. 我儿子在一所中学读二年级时, 在一家超级市场找到了一份包装商品 的业余工作。他满面笑容地回到了家。 "How was your first day?" I asked ...


   Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes. The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their au ...


   Give Me a Dollar 给我一块钱 Son: Dad, give me a dime. Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I guess you're right, Dad. Give me a dollar, will you? 儿子:爸爸,给我一角钱。 父亲:儿子,你不认为你已经长大了,不该再老是一角一角地要钱了(该自立了),不是 吗 ...



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