英语幽默笑话:
一:She Didn"t Say Anything A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence. The girl looked at her father and said, "It was Mom". "How do you know?" asked her father. "She didn"t say anything."
二:I Have Turned It Over A woman said to her husband, "dear, look at our sheet! It"s too dirty. Would you like to wash it now?" The man looked at the sheet and then thought for a while and then said, "I don"t think it"s necessary. We can turn the sheet over. Is that all right?"
三,40 over Li lotus heart disease arises suddenly, is escorted to the hospital first aid. The condition extremely too bad, the Li lotus felt oneself nearly all already died.
In the rescue, the Li lotus has heard God's sound suddenly: "You cannot die, you also may live for 45 years 6 months 02 days, has the courage to go on living!"
Certainly, the result was the Li lotus miracle is revived. After the body recovers, the Li lotus thought oneself also can live for more than 40 years, then □has anxiously is leaving the hospital, first repairs the face, then makes up the lip, then is the prosperous chest, finally is the thin abdomen, continuously has undergone 4 cosmetology surgeries altogether, then was called the specialized hair stylist to visit the service, changed has sent the color, has made the new tide hairstyle, the entire stature looked at □the young several years old.
After last the reshaping surgery completes, the Li lotus then happily handled left the hospital the procedure, □thought actually the ambulance which rapidly 驶过 by 撞死 in the entrance.
After the heaven, the Li lotus has been angry interrogates God: "Since you had said I also may live for 45 years, then you should not eat the word."
God awkwardly 耸了耸肩, replies: "Really is sorry, at that time, the vehicle hit when you... ... I have not recognized am you."
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning? Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow". 老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到? 汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,僦看见一个牌子?写着"学校慢行".
Do You Know My Work? One night a hotel caught fire, and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes. Two men stood outside and looked at the fire. "Before I came out," said one,"I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money. People don't think of money when they're afraid. When anyone leaves paper money in a fire, the fire burns it. So I took all the bills that I could find.No one will be poorer because I took them."
"You don't know my work," said the other.
"What is your work?" "I'm a policeman. "Oh!" cried the first man. He thought quickly and said,"And do you know my work?""No,"said the policeman. "I'm a writer. I'm always telling stories about things that never happened." 译文:(自己简单翻译) 你知道我是干什么的吗? 一天晚上,一家旅馆失火,住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡 衣就跑了出来. 两个人站在外面,看着大火. "在我出来之前,"其中一个说:"我跑进一些房间,找到了一大笔钱.人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的.如果有人把纸币留在火里,火就会把 它烧成灰烬.所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了.没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷." "你不知道我是干什么的."另一个说. "你是干什么的?" "我是警察." "噢!"第一个人喊了一声.他灵机一动,说:"那你知道我是干什么的?""不知道."警察说. "我是个作家.我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事."
Who is the laziest Father:Well,Jack,I talked with your teacher today .And now I want to ask you a question ,Who is the laziest person inyour class ? Jack:I don`t know ,father. Father:Oh,think!When other boys and girls are reading and wirting ,who sits quietly and only watch how other people word?
Jack:Our teacher ,father.
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了 汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗? 约翰尼:他害病卧床了.他受了伤. 汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事儿? 约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了.
Let me take it down An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ." "Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."
为我所用 一头大象对一只小老鼠说:"你无疑是我见过的最小,最没用的东西." "请再说一遍,让我把它记下来."老鼠说."我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听.
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning? Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow". 老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到?
汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,僦看见一个牌子?写着"学校慢行".
 

相关内容

英语小笑话

   校园幽默四则 1. Two Birds Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and ...

英语小笑话

   Who were the Other TWO? An adjective has three qualitative degrees:good,better and best. The pernickety English grammar teacher married a man of quality ."You are the best woman in my life,announced the groom on their wedding night. "And ...

英语小笑话

   黑衣使者英语学习系列 1 10 届新生寻求各位师兄师姐的指导我是 10 届新生,被调剂到了农林经济管理专业.下定决 心入学后努力学习争取转专业. 我很想知道转专业需要符合的条件和方式, 以及各种细节比 如说申请转专业的时间.如有师兄师姐转专业成功,能留下联系方式的话,感激不尽.还有, 请问中财是一个学期之后就可以转专业吗?那些专业比较好转专业, 经济类的?要有什么样 的关系才能转专业呢?有没有一入学就转了专业的先例?提问有点幼稚, 各位师兄师姐不要 笑我啊. 成功人生最经典最重要的 10 句 ...

英语小笑话

   1、They are directly from America Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked ea ...

英语小笑话

   黑衣使者英语学习系列 1 A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a se ...

英语小笑话

   Today, I texted my boyfriend saying hi. His response, "I got your best friend pregnant". FML 今天,我给我男友发短信说:“Hi”。他的回复是:“我把你最好的朋友肚子搞大了”。FML Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. Thinking I was being cute I spelled out "Marry Me" in al ...

英语小笑话

   Keys? Kiss? A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the rul ...

英语小笑话

   A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here ar ...

英语小笑话

   英语幽默故事 She Didn't Say Anything A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence. The girl looked at her father and said, “It was M ...

几则英语小笑话

   几则英语小笑话 1.Fine for Parking . "Tell me again," asked the judge, "why you parked there?" The driver rose and answered respectfully(尊 敬地), "Because, Your Honor, it said 'Fine for Parking'" (note: "fine" has two ...

热门内容

编号2008年吉林省大学英语教学改革立项申请书

   附件 2: 编号 2008 年吉林省大学英语 教学改革立项申请书 项 目 名 项 目 类 称 别 项 目 负 责 人 推 荐 学 填 表 日 校 期 (本申请书经教务处盖章有效) (盖章) 盖章) 1 填表说明: 填表说明: 1.本表用钢笔填写,也可直接打印,不要以剪贴代填。 字迹要求清楚、工整。 2.项目类别根据项目的性质填写“本科类”或“高职高 专类” 。 3. 项目负责人只限一人。 项目主要成员一般不超过八人。 4.表中空格不够时,可另附页,但页码要清楚。 2 申请者的承诺: 申请者的 ...

轻松掌握英语商务书信-9

   轻松掌握 英语商务书信 交易.交涉 交易 交涉 9.推销新产品 推销新产品 推销新产品时,首先要寄产品目录等资料,并且要强调对 推销新产品时,首先要寄产品目录等资料, 自己的产品充满信心。 自己的产品充满信心。 Dear Customer: We are delighted to send you our 2000 Cellular Phone Brochure, which we hope you will find of interest. Our brochure features o ...

省牛津高中英语教材培训会交流材料

   省《牛津高中英语》教材培训会交流材料 牛津高中英语》 江苏省如东高级中学 2007-2008 学年度高三英语备课组 (执笔:顾小京) 一、我校高三英语教学的指导思想 我们认为,不管课程怎么改革,不管新高考的题型怎样变化,总原则是“得益课内,迁 移课外,能力立意,综合运用” 。在实施教学中我们努力贯彻落实“夯实基础,凸显能力,面 向全体,因材施教”十六字教学指导思想,实施有效教学、高效教学。 (一)努力提升六个方面的认识,明确教学要求 1、“知己”??认识自己在高三英语教学中的优势和劣势,对《 ...

黑人英语

   黑人英语 百科名片 黑人英语(Black English)是英语的一种变体,使用者多为身处社会下层的美国 黑人。现在的好来坞大片黑人英语可谓是大行其道。将黑人英语视为劣等英语是 一种基于种族歧视的社会观,与语言学观相悖。黑人英语的语音、形态、句法和 词汇系统有明显不同于标准英语的特征,但它符合“语言是规则系统”的原则, 是语言规则操作的产物,有着明显的自律性和系统性。 目录 一.语音区别 二.拼写区别 三.句法区别 黑人英语 由于历史的原因,有很多的黑人生活在美国,成为了美国社会的一个令 人 ...

英语单项选择

   单项选择 21. Too much work and too little rest often illness. A. brings in B. gives in C. leads to D. owes to 22. The teacher apologized late. A. to his students to arrive B. to his students for arriving C. for his students to arrive D. for his student ...