英语幽默笑话:
一:She Didn"t Say Anything A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence. The girl looked at her father and said, "It was Mom". "How do you know?" asked her father. "She didn"t say anything."
二:I Have Turned It Over A woman said to her husband, "dear, look at our sheet! It"s too dirty. Would you like to wash it now?" The man looked at the sheet and then thought for a while and then said, "I don"t think it"s necessary. We can turn the sheet over. Is that all right?"
三,40 over Li lotus heart disease arises suddenly, is escorted to the hospital first aid. The condition extremely too bad, the Li lotus felt oneself nearly all already died.
In the rescue, the Li lotus has heard God's sound suddenly: "You cannot die, you also may live for 45 years 6 months 02 days, has the courage to go on living!"
Certainly, the result was the Li lotus miracle is revived. After the body recovers, the Li lotus thought oneself also can live for more than 40 years, then □has anxiously is leaving the hospital, first repairs the face, then makes up the lip, then is the prosperous chest, finally is the thin abdomen, continuously has undergone 4 cosmetology surgeries altogether, then was called the specialized hair stylist to visit the service, changed has sent the color, has made the new tide hairstyle, the entire stature looked at □the young several years old.
After last the reshaping surgery completes, the Li lotus then happily handled left the hospital the procedure, □thought actually the ambulance which rapidly 驶过 by 撞死 in the entrance.
After the heaven, the Li lotus has been angry interrogates God: "Since you had said I also may live for 45 years, then you should not eat the word."
God awkwardly 耸了耸肩, replies: "Really is sorry, at that time, the vehicle hit when you... ... I have not recognized am you."
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning? Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow". 老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到? 汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,僦看见一个牌子?写着"学校慢行".
Do You Know My Work? One night a hotel caught fire, and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes. Two men stood outside and looked at the fire. "Before I came out," said one,"I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money. People don't think of money when they're afraid. When anyone leaves paper money in a fire, the fire burns it. So I took all the bills that I could find.No one will be poorer because I took them."
"You don't know my work," said the other.
"What is your work?" "I'm a policeman. "Oh!" cried the first man. He thought quickly and said,"And do you know my work?""No,"said the policeman. "I'm a writer. I'm always telling stories about things that never happened." 译文:(自己简单翻译) 你知道我是干什么的吗? 一天晚上,一家旅馆失火,住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡 衣就跑了出来. 两个人站在外面,看着大火. "在我出来之前,"其中一个说:"我跑进一些房间,找到了一大笔钱.人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的.如果有人把纸币留在火里,火就会把 它烧成灰烬.所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了.没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷." "你不知道我是干什么的."另一个说. "你是干什么的?" "我是警察." "噢!"第一个人喊了一声.他灵机一动,说:"那你知道我是干什么的?""不知道."警察说. "我是个作家.我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事."
Who is the laziest Father:Well,Jack,I talked with your teacher today .And now I want to ask you a question ,Who is the laziest person inyour class ? Jack:I don`t know ,father. Father:Oh,think!When other boys and girls are reading and wirting ,who sits quietly and only watch how other people word?
Jack:Our teacher ,father.
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了 汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗? 约翰尼:他害病卧床了.他受了伤. 汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事儿? 约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了.
Let me take it down An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ." "Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."
为我所用 一头大象对一只小老鼠说:"你无疑是我见过的最小,最没用的东西." "请再说一遍,让我把它记下来."老鼠说."我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听.
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning? Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow". 老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到?
汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,僦看见一个牌子?写着"学校慢行".
 

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