黑衣使者英语学习系列 1
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士." 男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上 帝回答:"过一秒钟." Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got twins x
  2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"! 四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双 胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人 说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是 3M 公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三 个男人说:"恭喜,你得了 2 对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作." 他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什 么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!" Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?" 两个猎人进森林里打猎,其中一个猎人不慎跌倒,两眼翻白,似已停止呼吸.另一个猎人赶 紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话.接线员沉着地说:"第一步,要先确定你的朋友已经死亡." 于是,接线员在电话里听到一声枪响,然后听到那猎人接着问:"第二步怎办?" 成功人生最经典最重要的 10 句话
  1. Do one thing at a time, and do well. 一次只做一件事,做到最好!
  2. Never forget to say "thanks" . 永远不要忘了说"谢谢"!
  3. Keep on going never give up. 勇往直前, 决不放弃!
  4. Whatever is worth doing is worth doing well. 任何值得做的事就值得把它做好!
黑衣使者英语学习系列 1

  5. Believe in yourself. 相信你自己!
  6. I can because i think i can. 我行,因为我相信我行!
  7. Action speak louder than words. 行动胜于言语!
  8. Never say die. 永不气馁!
  9. Never put off what you can do today until tomorrow. 今日事今日毕!
  10. The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today. 对明天做好的准备就是今天做到最好! The Picture is Half Good and Half Bad
An artist had painted a child holding a basket of fruit. A friend of his, who admired this picture, wishing to show its perfection, said to some persons who were examining it that the fruit appeared so natural that the birds came to peck at it. A countryman, who heard these praises, said: "If this fruit is as well represented as you say, it is not so with the child, since he does not frighten the birds."
How to Get a Seat by the Fire
A gentleman came to an inn on a very cold day, and could get no room near the fire.He called to the hostler to fetch a peck of oysters, and give them to his horse."Will your horse eat oysters?"said the hostler."Try him,"said the gentleman.Immediately the people ran to see this wonder, and the gentleman who alone remained in the room, chose the best seat by the fire and made himself comfortable.
Real Laziness A young farmer who went to look after his father's men in the time of hay-harvest, found haysome of the mowers asleep, when they should have been at work."How is this?"cried the young man, "Why, you are so lazy, that I would give 20 dollars to know which of you is the laziest man"."I am he!"cried the one nearest to him, still stretching
黑衣使者英语学习系列 1
holding himself."Here then."said the young man, holding out the money to him.However the lazy workman did not take it, but folded his arms and said: " P lease, Master George, be so good as to put it into my pocket for me!" .
Long Distance A woman took down the receiver, but the line was engaged. She heard another woman remark. "I just put on some beans to cook. So I thought I'd call you up." Five minutes later the first woman again tried to use the line. The other two women were still talking. Impatient to make her call, the first woman broke in. "Madam, I smell your beans burning." There was a horrified scream, receivers slammed, and the line was open.
The Scotchman and the RobbersA Scotchman was attacked by three highwaymen, and defended himself with great courage. After After much difficulty, the robbers succeeded in overpowering him, and his pockets were searched. They expected, after such a severe struggle, to find a large sum of money; but were surprised to discover he had only a sixpence, and this was all the treasures he had been defending at the risk of his life. "Why, "said one of the rogues, "if he had had eightpence he would have killed the whole lot of us."



   英语幽默笑话: 一:She Didn"t Say Anything A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence. The girl looked at her father and said, & ...


   黑衣使者英语学习系列 1 A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a se ...


   Today, I texted my boyfriend saying hi. His response, "I got your best friend pregnant". FML 今天,我给我男友发短信说:“Hi”。他的回复是:“我把你最好的朋友肚子搞大了”。FML Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. Thinking I was being cute I spelled out "Marry Me" in al ...


   The New Teacher George comes from school on the first of September. "George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother. "I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two ...


   He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗? 约翰尼:他害病卧床了。他受了伤。 汤姆 ...


   . 和外国人拼英语 和外国人拼英语 国人 一人在公交车上不小心踏了外国人的脚,心想咱不能给中国人丢脸,于是卯足了劲 说了句英文: I’ “ m sorry” m sorry too” 外国人一想:在人家国土上咱不能不礼貌。于是忙点头: I’ “ “ 此人一听急了:Two?以为我不会数数?咬牙道: I’ 外国人大惑不 解: What “ m sorry three” are you sorry for?” 此人心想好啊,连 FOUR 也出来了,我和你拼了!: “I’ m sorry five! ...


   Honesty A man who is driving a car stopped by a police officer. The following exchange takes place. . . Man:What's the problem,officer? Officer:You were going at least 75in a 55zone. Man:No,sir,I was going 65. Wife:Oh,Harry.You were going 80.(Man g ...


   A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here ar ...


   1 What is the longest word in the English language? SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!" Submitted by: Kevin Penner 2 Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map. Maria: This is it. Teacher: Well done. Now class, ...


   几则英语小笑话 1.Fine for Parking . "Tell me again," asked the judge, "why you parked there?" The driver rose and answered respectfully(尊 敬地), "Because, Your Honor, it said 'Fine for Parking'" (note: "fine" has two ...



   The Object Clause 一、教学任务 复习宾语从句 二、重点和难点 1、由不同引导词引导的宾语从句 2、宾语从句中时态的变化 宾语从句是主从复合句的一种。主从复合句是 宾语从句 由一个主句和一个或一个以上的从句构成的。 主句是复合句的主体,从句仅仅是主句的一个 成分,它从属于主句,不能独立。从句在是全句中 充当什么成分,就叫什么从句。宾语从句当中的 从句在全句中作宾语。 宾语从句是初中英语教材中重点语法之一,也是 中考一个考查热点。 一、宾语从句的概念 宾语从句属于名词性从句,在 ...


   1. Typical of the grassland dwellers of the continent is the American antelope, or pronghorn. 美洲羚羊,或称叉角羚,是该大陆典型的草原动物. 2. Of the millions who saw Haley's comet in 1986, how many people will live long enough to see it return in the twenty-first centu ...


   2010 年 12 月大学英语四级听力句型汇总 1.肯定句 That’s true (1991/8) Yes, thats about everything. (199301/1) So did I (199301/7) Yes, indeed. Im planning to……(199401/5) Yes, and he liked it so much that……(199401/10) Take it easy ,Things will work out (199501/1) Yes, ...

高中一年级人教版英语Unit 2 Healthy eating

   Unit 2 Healthy eating I. 单元教学目标 技能目标 Skill Goals Talk about healthy diet Make suggestions or giving advice on diet Distinguish the meanings of Modal verbs Make a balanced menu II. 目标语言 . Practice talking about your ideas 功 能 句 式 Yes, I think so. I ...


   《新视野大学英语听说教程 1》答案 Unit1 Page 3 1__10 BCACD CCABD Page 4 ABBDA Page 5 AACDD Page 6 1 honored 2interesting 3invitation 4, great 5, wise 6. reason 7. key 8. sense 9. impression 10. importantly Page 11 1. hand in their test papers 2. ten minutes later ...