黑衣使者英语学习系列 1
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士." 男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上 帝回答:"过一秒钟." Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got twins x
  2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"! 四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双 胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人 说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是 3M 公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三 个男人说:"恭喜,你得了 2 对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作." 他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什 么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!" Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?" 两个猎人进森林里打猎,其中一个猎人不慎跌倒,两眼翻白,似已停止呼吸.另一个猎人赶 紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话.接线员沉着地说:"第一步,要先确定你的朋友已经死亡." 于是,接线员在电话里听到一声枪响,然后听到那猎人接着问:"第二步怎办?" 成功人生最经典最重要的 10 句话
  1. Do one thing at a time, and do well. 一次只做一件事,做到最好!
  2. Never forget to say "thanks" . 永远不要忘了说"谢谢"!
  3. Keep on going never give up. 勇往直前, 决不放弃!
  4. Whatever is worth doing is worth doing well. 任何值得做的事就值得把它做好!
黑衣使者英语学习系列 1

  5. Believe in yourself. 相信你自己!
  6. I can because i think i can. 我行,因为我相信我行!
  7. Action speak louder than words. 行动胜于言语!
  8. Never say die. 永不气馁!
  9. Never put off what you can do today until tomorrow. 今日事今日毕!
  10. The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today. 对明天做好的准备就是今天做到最好! The Picture is Half Good and Half Bad
An artist had painted a child holding a basket of fruit. A friend of his, who admired this picture, wishing to show its perfection, said to some persons who were examining it that the fruit appeared so natural that the birds came to peck at it. A countryman, who heard these praises, said: "If this fruit is as well represented as you say, it is not so with the child, since he does not frighten the birds."
How to Get a Seat by the Fire
A gentleman came to an inn on a very cold day, and could get no room near the fire.He called to the hostler to fetch a peck of oysters, and give them to his horse."Will your horse eat oysters?"said the hostler."Try him,"said the gentleman.Immediately the people ran to see this wonder, and the gentleman who alone remained in the room, chose the best seat by the fire and made himself comfortable.
Real Laziness A young farmer who went to look after his father's men in the time of hay-harvest, found haysome of the mowers asleep, when they should have been at work."How is this?"cried the young man, "Why, you are so lazy, that I would give 20 dollars to know which of you is the laziest man"."I am he!"cried the one nearest to him, still stretching
黑衣使者英语学习系列 1
holding himself."Here then."said the young man, holding out the money to him.However the lazy workman did not take it, but folded his arms and said: " P lease, Master George, be so good as to put it into my pocket for me!" .
Long Distance A woman took down the receiver, but the line was engaged. She heard another woman remark. "I just put on some beans to cook. So I thought I'd call you up." Five minutes later the first woman again tried to use the line. The other two women were still talking. Impatient to make her call, the first woman broke in. "Madam, I smell your beans burning." There was a horrified scream, receivers slammed, and the line was open.
The Scotchman and the RobbersA Scotchman was attacked by three highwaymen, and defended himself with great courage. After After much difficulty, the robbers succeeded in overpowering him, and his pockets were searched. They expected, after such a severe struggle, to find a large sum of money; but were surprised to discover he had only a sixpence, and this was all the treasures he had been defending at the risk of his life. "Why, "said one of the rogues, "if he had had eightpence he would have killed the whole lot of us."



   校园幽默四则 1. Two Birds Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and ...


   某学生刻苦学习英语,终有小成.一日上街不慎与一老外相撞,忙说: 某学生刻苦学习英语, 终有小成 .一日上街不慎与一老外相撞, 忙说 : "I am sorry."老外应道:"I am sorry too." . 老外应道: 某人听后又道: 老外应道 . 某人听后又道:"I am sorry three." . 老外不解, 老外不解,问:"What are you sorry for?" 某人无奈, 某人无奈,道: ...


   黑衣使者英语学习系列 1 10 届新生寻求各位师兄师姐的指导我是 10 届新生,被调剂到了农林经济管理专业.下定决 心入学后努力学习争取转专业. 我很想知道转专业需要符合的条件和方式, 以及各种细节比 如说申请转专业的时间.如有师兄师姐转专业成功,能留下联系方式的话,感激不尽.还有, 请问中财是一个学期之后就可以转专业吗?那些专业比较好转专业, 经济类的?要有什么样 的关系才能转专业呢?有没有一入学就转了专业的先例?提问有点幼稚, 各位师兄师姐不要 笑我啊. 成功人生最经典最重要的 10 句 ...


   He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗? 约翰尼:他害病卧床了。他受了伤。 汤姆 ...


   1、They are directly from America Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked ea ...


   黑衣使者英语学习系列 1 A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a se ...


   Today, I texted my boyfriend saying hi. His response, "I got your best friend pregnant". FML 今天,我给我男友发短信说:“Hi”。他的回复是:“我把你最好的朋友肚子搞大了”。FML Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. Thinking I was being cute I spelled out "Marry Me" in al ...


   Honesty A man who is driving a car stopped by a police officer. The following exchange takes place. . . Man:What's the problem,officer? Officer:You were going at least 75in a 55zone. Man:No,sir,I was going 65. Wife:Oh,Harry.You were going 80.(Man g ...


   英语幽默故事 She Didn't Say Anything A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence. The girl looked at her father and said, “It was M ...


   1 What is the longest word in the English language? SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!" Submitted by: Kevin Penner 2 Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map. Maria: This is it. Teacher: Well done. Now class, ...



   句型转换练习( 英语 5A 句型转换练习(一) 一般疑问句 审核人:班级:姓名: 一、把 be 动词(am, is, are)和情态动词(can, may, must...)放到句首,其它照写。 遇 I/we?you, 例如:陈述句: 一般疑问句: my?your, some?any. 句号变成问号(?) He can play the guitar. Can he play the guitar? They are in the park. Are they in the park? 把下 ...


   广西省桂林中学 2009 届高三二月月考 英语试题 第一部分:听力(共两节, 第一部分:听力(共两节,30 分) 第一节(共 5 小题,每小题 1.5 分,满分 7.5 分) 听下面 5 段对话。每段对话后有一个小题,从题中所给的三个选项中选出最佳选项,并标在试卷的相 应位置。听完每段对话后,你都有 10 秒钟的时间来回答有关小题和阅读下一小题。每段对话仅读一遍。 1.Where is the woman probably? A.In the soap factory. B.In her h ...


   中考英语易错冠词考题集锦 1. Since tasting the excitement of big city life, she never wants to live in country again. A. the, the B. 不填,不填 C. the, 不填 D. 不填,the 2. The operation is success and the patient is now out of danger. A. a, the B. a, 不填 C. 不填, the D. 不填 ...


   2010 年普通高等学校招生全国统一考试 广东卷 年普通高等学校招生全国统一考试(广东卷 广东卷) 英语解析(原创) 英语解析(原创) 一,听力部分(略) 听力部分( 二,完形填空 学 科网 学 科网 学 科网 学 科网 学 科网 学 科网 学 科网 学 科网 学 科网 学 科网 学 科网 学 科网 阅读下面短文,掌握其大意.然后从 21?30 各题所给的 A,B,C 和 D 项中,选出最佳选 项,并在答题卡上将该项涂黑. Every country has its own culture. ...


   英语六级词汇 英语六级词汇(2011 年) 英语六级词汇 abbreviation abide abolish absent absorption abstract absurd abundance accessory accord acknowledge acquaint action adhere adjacent adjoin adjustable administration admiration adoption adore advantageous advertise advoc ...