黑衣使者英语学习系列 1
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士." 男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上 帝回答:"过一秒钟." Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got twins x
  2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"! 四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双 胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人 说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是 3M 公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三 个男人说:"恭喜,你得了 2 对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作." 他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什 么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!" Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?" 两个猎人进森林里打猎,其中一个猎人不慎跌倒,两眼翻白,似已停止呼吸.另一个猎人赶 紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话.接线员沉着地说:"第一步,要先确定你的朋友已经死亡." 于是,接线员在电话里听到一声枪响,然后听到那猎人接着问:"第二步怎办?" 成功人生最经典最重要的 10 句话
  1. Do one thing at a time, and do well. 一次只做一件事,做到最好!
  2. Never forget to say "thanks" . 永远不要忘了说"谢谢"!
  3. Keep on going never give up. 勇往直前, 决不放弃!
  4. Whatever is worth doing is worth doing well. 任何值得做的事就值得把它做好!
黑衣使者英语学习系列 1

  5. Believe in yourself. 相信你自己!
  6. I can because i think i can. 我行,因为我相信我行!
  7. Action speak louder than words. 行动胜于言语!
  8. Never say die. 永不气馁!
  9. Never put off what you can do today until tomorrow. 今日事今日毕!
  10. The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today. 对明天做好的准备就是今天做到最好! The Picture is Half Good and Half Bad
An artist had painted a child holding a basket of fruit. A friend of his, who admired this picture, wishing to show its perfection, said to some persons who were examining it that the fruit appeared so natural that the birds came to peck at it. A countryman, who heard these praises, said: "If this fruit is as well represented as you say, it is not so with the child, since he does not frighten the birds."
How to Get a Seat by the Fire
A gentleman came to an inn on a very cold day, and could get no room near the fire.He called to the hostler to fetch a peck of oysters, and give them to his horse."Will your horse eat oysters?"said the hostler."Try him,"said the gentleman.Immediately the people ran to see this wonder, and the gentleman who alone remained in the room, chose the best seat by the fire and made himself comfortable.
Real Laziness A young farmer who went to look after his father's men in the time of hay-harvest, found haysome of the mowers asleep, when they should have been at work."How is this?"cried the young man, "Why, you are so lazy, that I would give 20 dollars to know which of you is the laziest man"."I am he!"cried the one nearest to him, still stretching
黑衣使者英语学习系列 1
holding himself."Here then."said the young man, holding out the money to him.However the lazy workman did not take it, but folded his arms and said: " P lease, Master George, be so good as to put it into my pocket for me!" .
Long Distance A woman took down the receiver, but the line was engaged. She heard another woman remark. "I just put on some beans to cook. So I thought I'd call you up." Five minutes later the first woman again tried to use the line. The other two women were still talking. Impatient to make her call, the first woman broke in. "Madam, I smell your beans burning." There was a horrified scream, receivers slammed, and the line was open.
The Scotchman and the RobbersA Scotchman was attacked by three highwaymen, and defended himself with great courage. After After much difficulty, the robbers succeeded in overpowering him, and his pockets were searched. They expected, after such a severe struggle, to find a large sum of money; but were surprised to discover he had only a sixpence, and this was all the treasures he had been defending at the risk of his life. "Why, "said one of the rogues, "if he had had eightpence he would have killed the whole lot of us."



   英语幽默笑话: 一:She Didn"t Say Anything A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence. The girl looked at her father and said, & ...


   Who were the Other TWO? An adjective has three qualitative degrees:good,better and best. The pernickety English grammar teacher married a man of quality ."You are the best woman in my life,announced the groom on their wedding night. "And ...


   某学生刻苦学习英语,终有小成.一日上街不慎与一老外相撞,忙说: 某学生刻苦学习英语, 终有小成 .一日上街不慎与一老外相撞, 忙说 : "I am sorry."老外应道:"I am sorry too." . 老外应道: 某人听后又道: 老外应道 . 某人听后又道:"I am sorry three." . 老外不解, 老外不解,问:"What are you sorry for?" 某人无奈, 某人无奈,道: ...


   1、They are directly from America Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked ea ...


   Today, I texted my boyfriend saying hi. His response, "I got your best friend pregnant". FML 今天,我给我男友发短信说:“Hi”。他的回复是:“我把你最好的朋友肚子搞大了”。FML Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. Thinking I was being cute I spelled out "Marry Me" in al ...


   黑衣使者英语学习系列 1 A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a se ...


   He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗? 约翰尼:他害病卧床了。他受了伤。 汤姆 ...


   . 和外国人拼英语 和外国人拼英语 国人 一人在公交车上不小心踏了外国人的脚,心想咱不能给中国人丢脸,于是卯足了劲 说了句英文: I’ “ m sorry” m sorry too” 外国人一想:在人家国土上咱不能不礼貌。于是忙点头: I’ “ “ 此人一听急了:Two?以为我不会数数?咬牙道: I’ 外国人大惑不 解: What “ m sorry three” are you sorry for?” 此人心想好啊,连 FOUR 也出来了,我和你拼了!: “I’ m sorry five! ...


   英语幽默故事 She Didn't Say Anything A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence. The girl looked at her father and said, “It was M ...


   1 What is the longest word in the English language? SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!" Submitted by: Kevin Penner 2 Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map. Maria: This is it. Teacher: Well done. Now class, ...



   书利华教育网 www.shulihua.net 精心打造一流新课标资料 八年级下册重点语法和短语 Unit 1 Will people have robots? 重点语法:一般将来时态的应用 do/does 的一般将来时态形式:(shall/will) do do/does 的一般将来时态的被动语态:(shall/will) be done 一般将来时态的肯定句、否定句、疑问句形式: 肯定句例句:People will have robots in a few years. 否定句例句:Pe ...


   高考英语重点词及短语复习 A agree vi.同意;持相同意见 I cannot agree with you on this point.在这一点上,我不能同意你的意 见。 sb agree with sb 同意某人的话,意见 sth agree with sb 某物,某事适应某人 agree to sb 建议 agree on sth 在某一点上取得一致意 见 agree up sth 在某一点上取得一致意见 agree to do sth 同意干某事 break vt.打破;损坏;破 ...


   新东方在线 [www.koolearn.com] 网络课堂电子教材系列 考研英语长难句 考研英语长难句 主讲: 主讲:宋平明 一、课程简介: 课程简介: 1、考研的两个难点:词汇和长难句 、考研的两个难点: 2、攻克长难句对于考研的意义:完型、阅读、新题型、翻译 、攻克长难句对于考研的意义:完型、阅读、新题型、 3、如何攻克长难句:剖析其结构、总结其特征、推敲其译文 、如何攻克长难句:剖析其结构、总结其特征、 4、阅读和翻译部分的长难句进行剖析 、 二、理解和翻译长难句的两个关键问题和三个要 ...


   小升初英语口语面试的开头与结尾句型总结 时间: 2008-04-26 10:07:04 作者:孙若男老师 来源:英语网论坛 紧张的小升初面试已经陆续开始了,很多同学为之做了很充分的准备,可是总觉得在自我介绍和就所给 题目发表自己看法等等的开头和结尾存在一定的问题,不知道怎么样才能以一个与众不同的开头和一个精 彩的结尾来充实自己的演讲和自我介绍. 下面我就总结一下比较使用的几个与众不同的开头和结尾帮助大家顺利的完成自我介绍的演讲部分. 与众不同的开头: 与众不同的开头: 1:开头总结式 1:开 ...


   清华在线同等学力英语短文写作备考指导 一、考项分析 1.英语写作部分的考试要求 本部分设 1 题,15 分。考试时间为 30 分钟。要求考生在规定时间内,按照题目 要求写出一篇不少于 150 字的短文。考试形式为根据提纲作文、看图作文、描述 图表或根据一篇所给的文章写出内容提要或读后感等。所写短文要求主题明确, 条理清楚,语言比较规范。 2.写作典型问题 (1)偏离主题。很多考生没有审题和构思过程,有的担心时间不够,匆匆动手。 结果是下笔“百”言,离题万里。 (2)汉式英语。有的考生用汉语思 ...