简洁才是美
好的写作,首先而且至关重要的一点就是简洁。繁冗的写作堆砌了许多无用的词藻,反而减弱表述的清晰度。 当然,也不能仅仅因为简短就认为短句一定优于长句。只要一个单词确实能起到一定的作用,它就应该留在句中。 一般来说,只有在进行强调或修饰、美化句子时,才能使用重复的单词、语音和短语。修改文章,就是要删繁就简。 比较下面这对句子,注意体会二者的差别及效果。
  1) Dr. Sun Yat-sen went to Japan by means of a big boat.
  2) Dr. Sun Yat-sen went to Japan by boat. 斜体字部分较?嗦,因为"by"就是"by means of boat"。 请看下列例句 Wordy: It makes me feel painful to think that she has to work 12 hours a day and seven days a week. Better: It pains me to think that she has to work 12 hours a day and seven days a week. Wordy: It will be our aim to ensure proper health care for each and every one of the Chinese people. Better: Our aim is to ensure proper health care for all Chinese. Wordy: This book will help you master the basic elements of good writing. Better: This book will help you master the basics of good writing. Wordy: The search of the forest that they conducted was entirely complete. Better: The search of the forest was complete. 或They conducted a complete search of the forest. 第二个句子合乎汉语表达习惯,即他们对森林进行了彻底的搜查。 Wordy: He has no sense of principles, whether he is in public or in private. Better: He has no principles, public or private. Wordy: Whenever anyone telephoned her to ask her for help with their homework she always obliged right away. Better: She immediately obliged anyone who telephoned for help with homework. Wordy: In a cautious manner the car went around the corner. Better: The car negotiated the corner. Wordy: If the government agency finds that an individual has received a payment to which the individual was not entitled, whether or not the payment was due to the individual's fault or misrepresentation, the individual shall be liable to repay to the government the total sum of the payment to which the individual was not entitled. Better: If the government agency finds that you received a payment that you weren't entitled to, you must pay the entire sum back. Wordy: Another important aspect is good health. It is one of our great blessings. It may be achieved through proper diet and exercise. Rest is also desirable. Better: The great blessing of good health may be had through proper diet, exercise, and rest.
词语简化的一些技巧 词语简化的一些技巧
策略之一:用介词短语替代从句。 例: Wordy: While they were playing tennis, she started an argument that lasted all morning. Better: During tennis she started an argument that lasted all morning. Wordy: When you come to the second traffic light, turn right. Better: At the second traffic light turn left. 策略之二:删除诸如"who is”或"that is"之类的关系代词,变从句为短语。 例: Wordy: The novel, which is written in three parts, told a story that took place in the Middle Ages. Better: The three-part novel told a story set in the Middle Ages. 注:把句中的”three parts”改用形容词来表达,节省了四个不必要的单词”which is written in”。我们经常可以 将关系代词如”that”去掉,这只会引起最少的变动。
策略之三:剔除你不需要的单词 "Two joint partners will present their views over a long-distance telephone call. " 写完这样的句子后,你自己再读一遍,挑出单词”joint”和”telephone”,注意删去不必要的词。 策略之四:表达否定意义时,尽量避免使用否定词。英语中很多词不用 "no's" 或者"not's"也能表达否定含义的 词汇,你尽可以采取更为委婉的表达方式。 例: Thus college students who do not have sufficient financial backing , 也就是 college students who lacks sufficient financial backing。 如果你不想使用太多的否定词,就应该尽量避免使用它们。
赘句范例及其改进建议 Improved (替换语) 替换语) Wordy (赘语) 赘语) as a usual rule as a rule at that point in time then at this point in time now at your earliest convenience now, soon concerning the matter of about due to the fact that because for the reason that because has proved itself to be has proved, is in connection with with in order to to in relation to with in the event that if modern factories of today modern factories next steps to take next steps puzzling in nature puzzling regardless of the fact although the reason why is that because total effect of all this total effect with reference to about
变化才是真简短未必是美德 许多人将简洁与简短混为一谈,其实二有很大区别。简洁的主旨是用尽量少的词汇讲述整个故事,简短的主旨 则是为保持文章篇幅短小,精心撰写或随意删除文中的某些词语或章节。 简洁并不意味着总写短句子。事实上,如果句式缺乏变化,文章就会显得支离破碎,缺少联系,让人觉得写作 技巧贫乏。句式的变化能令文章协调而流畅,会让读者感觉到作者对主题把握得游刃有余。虽然短句没什么语法错 误,但用得太多会使本应合在一起的意思分离开来。 记住: 记住:不要使用一串串短的、支离破碎的句子。要理清自己的思路,尽量使句子长度有所变化。 例: Before: The Art of Strategy was written by Sun Tzu. It is a fifty-six-hundred-word Chinese classical work. The writer put forth a set of principles in a very tightly compressed manner. They deal with how to defeat oppositions and win battles. 这种表达的问题在于: (
  1) 简单的“主语+谓语”结构太多; (
  2) "written"和"writer", "The Art of Strategy"和" It","set of principles"和" they"为重复用语; (
  3) 读起来很单调。
After:In his fifty-six-hundred word classic, The Art of Strategy, Sun Tzu put forth a tightly compressed set of principles for achieving triumph over opposition. 介词结构+同位语+主语+谓语的形式比较好,因为将"Sun Tzu" 放到了最重要成分-主语的位置,其他成分按逻辑排 序居次要地位。整个句子很流畅。 再看下面各例 Choppy: Of course, the weapons at Sun Tzu's time were quite primitive. The armies were very large. They were nearly as large as those in World War Two. The devastation and human sufferings were just as profound as in World War Two. Better: Compared with World War Two, the weapons at Sun Tzu's time were quite primitive, but the armies were nearly as large and the devastation and human suffering just as profound. Choppy: Proverbs are short sayings. They are drawn from long experience. Better: Proverbs are short sayings drawn from long experience. Choppy: People change and places change as well. Jennifer felt this strongly. She had been away for eleven years. Better: On returning after an eleven-year absence, Jennifer had a strong feeling of how people and places change. Choppy: Beijing streets are crowded with taxis, company cars and private vehicles owned by the newly affluent. The number has been rising rapidly in the last few years. The latest statistics show there are now
  1.2 million vehicles in Beijing alone. Better: Taxis, company cars and private vehicles owned by the newly affluent have crammed Beijing streets in rising numbers in the last few years -
  1.2 million vehicles at last count. Choppy: Moby Dick is a book. It is a long book. It is about a whale. A man named Ahab tries to kill it. Herman Melville wrote it. Better: Herman Melville wrote a long book called Moby Dick. It is the story of a struggle of a man against a whale. Choppy: Thousands of buildings met the same fate. This alone is now being preserved. It marks the center of the nuclear explosion. It is being preserved as a symbol. It symbolizes our wish that there be no more Hiroshimas. Better: Of the thousands of buildings that met the same fate, this alone, marking the center of the nuclear explosion, is now being preserved to symbolize our wish that there be no more Hiroshimas. Choppy: I have always had a dream. My dream has been to be a famous writer. Everyone would read my books. I would become very wealthy. Better: I have always dreamed of being a wealthy, famous writer, read by everyone. Choppy: This is a wreck. It was formerly the stately Imperial Garden. It is preserved deliberately as a reminder and symbol. Better: This wreck, formerly the stately Imperial Garden, is preserved deliberately as a reminder and symbol.
句式变化的一些技巧
英语的一个显著特征是它可轻易地把简单结构(一个中心意思)转化为复合结构(两个中心意思)和复杂结构 (一个中心意思和一个从属意思)甚至转化为复合-复杂结构(两个或以上的意思) 。主句,又称独立句,表达可独 立成句的思想内容。从句,又称非独立句,表达不能独立成句,而需与主句一起构成完整的思想内容。 达到句式多变的最佳期途径是把关键词或短语换到开头或结尾, 从中发现达到你的目的和适合你的品味的最好 方法。通过连接短句--省词,增词,改变词序或把不那么重要的思想放到从句中去--你就可以写出更流畅,成熟的 句子。例:
Before: Lu Hao graduated last summer. He joined the First Auto Works in Changchun soon after graduation. He received an engineering degree from his college. 采用从句能将这三个简单句以不同方式连接起来。 After: After graduating last summer with an engineering degree, Lu Hao soon joined the First Auto Works in Changchun.
(介词结构 + 主语 + 谓语) 或: An engineering degree-holder, Lu Hao joined the First Auto Works in hangchun last summer soon after graduation. (同位语 + 主语 + 谓语 +状语) 或: Having graduated with an engineering degree, Lu Hao joined the First Auto Works in Changchun last summer. (状语+ 主语 + 谓语) 关于"but 的用法 关于 but"的用法 but 中国人喜欢使用"but"从句:同中文一样,在英文中这也是连接两个短句的简单方法。要避免单一的 "but"从句,可以考虑采用以下这些变化形式:
Plain: Interesting: Plain: Interesting: Plain: Better: Plain: Better: Plain: Interesting: Plain: Interesting: Plain: Interesting: Plain: Interesting: Plain: Interesting: Plain: Interesting: The children at school were familiar with many games, but Li Hua had never even heard of them. The children at school were familiar with games Li Hua had never even heard of. The room was silent, but suddenly there was a clap of thunder outside. The silence of the room was broken by a sudden clap of thunder outside. They were passionate lovers not only onstage but also off stage. They were passionate lovers onstage and off. Outside the cinema, she lit a cigarette, not necessarily because she had a desire to smoke, but because she felt the need for warmth. Outside the cinema, she lit a cigarette, as much from the need for warmth as from any desire to smoke. It was meant to be a brief kiss, but it turned into a long, lingering one. What was meant to be a brief kiss turned into a long, lingering one. Music lightens life, but literature deepens it. Music lightens life; literature deepens it. The film "Chariots of Fire" is about some young runners, but it is more than just that. The film "Chariots of Fire" is much more than just a story of young runners. It is not his height but his weight that prevented him from competing in the race. His weight, not his height, prevented him from competing in the race. Susan seemed unsuitable for the part, but she turned out to be the best actress in the production. Susan seemed unsuitable for the part, yet she turned out to be the best actress in the production. Old Wang is often described as a happy-go-lucky person, but the last half hour of the hike home he was interested in nothing but a bath and a bed. Old Wang, an otherwise happy-go-lucky person, thought of only two things the last half hour of the hike home: a bath and a bed.
关于"if...then 和 if if"从句 关于 if...then"和"if 从句 if...then 除了"but"从句,很多学英语的人还会过多使用"if … then"或是"if"从句。这些从句本身并不是不好。 但我们这里讨论的是多样性及其必要性。看看下例: Before: If you fail to pass the drug test, we will have to dismiss you from your job. After: Failure to pass the drug test will result in job dismissal. 修改后的句子语气显得稍强一些。同时因为句中省掉了"you",使句子在语气上减少了对抗性。这个 解题对策适用于每种人称,不单单指"you"。 Plain: If one imitates, one cannot expect to be great. Interesting: No person ever yet became great by imitation. Plain: If we want to end a war quickly, we must lose it. Interesting: The quickest way to end a war is to lose it. Plain: If we were directed from government bureaucracy when to sow, and when to reap, we should soon want bread.
Interesting: Were we directed from government bureaucracy when to sow, and when to reap, we should soon want bread. Plain: Several staff members have checked the manuscript to see if it is accurate and easy to use. Interesting: Several staf
 

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