有趣的英语故事 An Archer, hunting in the woods, was so successful with his arrows that he killed many of the wild animals. This frightened the rest so much that they ran into the densest part of the bushes to hide. At last the Tiger stood up, and pretending to be very brave, told the other animals not to be afraid anymore, but to rely on his courage, and he would attack the enemy on his own. While he was talking, and lashing his tail and tearing at the ground with his claws to impress the others, an arrow came and pierced his ribs. The Tiger howled with pain.
While he was trying to draw out the arrow with his teeth the Fox went up to him and asked, in surprise, whoever had the strength and courage to wound such a brave and mighty beast as the Tiger?
"Nay," said the Tiger, "I misjudged my enemy. It was that unbeatable man over there!"
MORAL: Knowledge is power.
狐狸和老虎
一个射手正在森林里打猎。他的箭法好极了,射死了许多野兽。这可大大地吓坏 了余下的动物,它们都跑到最茂盛的灌木丛中躲藏起来。最后,老虎站了起来, 装着非常勇敢的样子叫其余的动物相信它的勇敢,不必再害怕。它将独个儿向敌 人进攻。它一边说着,一边甩动着它的尾巴,并用它的爪子刨着地上的泥土,想 使别人更信任它。就在这时,一枝箭飞来,刺穿了他的肋骨,老虎顿时痛得吼叫 起来。
正当它尽力用牙齿拔出身上的箭时,狐狸走上前来吃惊地问道:“谁能有这样的力 气和胆量来伤害象老虎这样勇敢而强有力的野兽呢?”
1
The Old Cat
An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it.
Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. " 【译文】 老猫 一位老妇有只猫,这只猫很老,它跑不快了,也咬不了东西,因为它年纪太 大了。一天,老猫发现一只老鼠,它跳过去抓这只老鼠,然而,它咬不住这只老 鼠。因此,老鼠从它的嘴边溜掉了,因为老猫咬不了它。 于是,老妇很生气,因为老猫没有把老鼠咬死。她开始打这只猫,猫说:“不 要打你的老仆人,我已经为你服务了很多年,而且还愿意为你效劳,但是,我实 在太老了。
Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy."
2
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了?” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。“再 给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?” “她是个卖糖果的。”
Nest and Hair My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom. "What kind of bird?" my sister asked. "I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child. "Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her . "Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "
Notes: (
  1) inform v.告诉 (
  2) nest n.窝;巢 (
  3) description n.描述 (
  4) encourage v.鼓励 (
  5) resemble v. 相似;类似

  18.鸟窝与头发 我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个 窝。 “是什么鸟呢?”我姐姐问她。 “我没看到鸟儿,老师,只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。
3
“那么,你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗?”我姐姐鼓励她道。 “哦,老师,就像你的头发一样。”
I've Just Bitten My Tongue "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
Notes: (
  1) poisonous adj.有毒的 (
  2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。
我刚咬破自己的舌头 “我们有毒吗?”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。 “是的,亲爱的,”她回答说,“你问这个干什么?” “因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”
A Woman Who Fell It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"
4
摔倒的女人 上下班高峰期,我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口,一位肥胖 的中年妇女从后面冲过来,没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚,仰面滑倒了。 她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她,她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下, 对我挤了一下眉,说道:“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗?”
英语笑话(一)
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之 外呢,那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤,而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意 思吧? Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物,他肯定会生气的;而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡 眼,他会更生气。Corn 既可以表示“玉米/谷物”,也有“鸡眼”的意思。
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因为 snail(蜗牛)的后背上总是背着一所房子,所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生 物是不足为奇的。你说呢?
5
Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day.
一看到 make faces 这个短语,你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸 呀!因为除了这个意思以外,它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake.
怎样才能不让梦游者(sleepwalker)梦游(walk in his sleep)呢?最简单的方法就 是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法,但如果让梦游者醒着呢,他的确就不会去 梦游了。
英语笑话(二)
He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有 1000 个人。 -- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的? -- 墓地守墓人。
英语笑话(三)
6
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它们是从美国直接带来的
一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久,到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。 在银行柜台,银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票,看是否有假。
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦,最后实在忍耐不住说:“相信我,先生,也请你相信 这些钞票。这都是真正的美元,它们是从美国直接带来的。”
英语笑话(四)my little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不识字 布朗夫人:哦, 亲爱的,我把珍爱的小狗给丢了! 史密斯夫人:可是你该在报纸上登广告啊! 布朗夫人:没有用的,我的小狗不认识字。”
英语笑话(五)Bring me the winner -- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
7
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then.
给我那个打赢的吧 -- 服务员, 这个龙虾只有一只爪。 -- 对不起,先生,这只肯定打过架了。 -- 哦, 那给我那个打赢的吧。
英语笑话(六)The mean man's party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家 时说:“你上到五楼,找中间那个门,然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后,再 用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢?”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪,你总不会空着手来吧?”吝啬鬼回答。
8
英语笑话(七)Advice for "Kid"
A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."
忠告“年轻者”
这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有 65 岁的话, 千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西, 抬东西或者装东西时,他们就叫喊,“让小的干吧。”
英语笑话(八)Which woman? One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall. On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield." My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"
哪一位女人? 一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物,回来后发现车身沾满灰尘,于是擦洗了一阵。 当我终于走进屋里时大声喊:“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻 璃。” 我丈夫抬头看了看,说:“妈妈来了?”
英语笑话(九)The doctor lives downstairs
9
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artistthe doctor lives downstairs."
医生住在楼下
“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。
“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”
他从头到脚打量打量她,然后大声说:“太太,我有三件事要对你说。第一,您的 体重需要减少大约 50 磅;第二,如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红,您的美貌 将会改变。第三,我是一位画家??医生住在楼下。”
英语笑话(十)One Engine Left
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
10
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
只剩一个引擎
一架 747 客机正在跨越大西洋时,喇叭里传来了机长的声音:“旅客们请注意,我 们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我 们要因此晚到一小时 。” 过了一会儿,旅客们又听到机长的声音:“各位,你们猜 怎么啦?我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能 飞,但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时,一位乘客非常气愤地说:“看在上帝的份上, 如果我们再掉一个引擎,我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。” 回答者:lovemydream - 高级经理 七级 7-5 10:08
Logic Reasoning 逻辑推理
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing
 

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