A Fine Match 势均力敌
One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, "Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse."
The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it. She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.
Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!
Look in the pocket 看口袋

A man walks into a bar, orders a drink, gulps it down, looks in his pocket then orders another one.
He gulps that one down, looks in his pocket again, then orders another one.
He does this about 7 or 8 more times when the bartender finally asks, "Every time you finish a drink you look in your pocket. What’s in your pocket?"
The man replies, "Oh... I have a picture of my wife in there. I drink until she looks good, then I go home."

A society youth writes ironically to the young lady in the case:“Dear Miss Smith, perhaps you remember I proposed to you last night, and I do not now recall whether you said yes,or no.”
“Dear George, I remember I said‘no’ to someone last night, but I had forgotten who it was.”

Uncle Silas had lighted his pipe for a comfortable smoke,when Aunt Rebecca looked up from her knitting and said:“Silas,do you know that Sunday next will be the thirtieth anniversary of our wedding?”
“I swan,”said Silas,“is that so,and what about it?”
“Oh,nothing,”said Aunt Rebecca,“only thought may be we ought to kill them two Rhode Island Red chickens.”
“But,Rebecca,”said Uncle Silas,“how can you blame them two Rhode Island Red chickens for what happened thirty years ago?”

A man who had been married for ten years was consulting a marriage counselor.
“When I was first married,I was very happy. I'd come home from a hard day down at the shop,and my little dog would race around barking,and my wife would bring me my slippers.Now everything's changed.When I come home,my dog brings me my slippers,and my wife barks at me.”
“I don't know what you're complaining about,”said the counselor.“You're still getting the same service.”

写字条 The note
A man was trying to pull out of a parking place but bashed the bumper of the parked car in front of him. Witnessed by a handful of pedestrians waiting for a bus, the driver got out, inspected the damage, and proceeded to write a note to leave on the windshield of the car he had hit.
The note read: "Hello. I have just hit your car, and there are some people here watching me who think that I am writing this note to leave you my name, phone number, and driver's license number, but I am not."

Sharing the Apples

Harry was given two apples, a small one and a large one, by his Mum. Share them with your sister, she said.
So Harry gave the small one to his little sister and started touching into the large one.
Cor! said his sister, If Mum had given them to me I’d have given you the large one and had the small one myself.
Well, said Harry, that’s what you’ve got, so what are you worrying about?
One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered, and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a flaw in it.
Suddenly, an old man appeared and said, "Why, your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine."
The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right, and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing.
The young man laughed. "Comparing your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars."
"Yes," said the old man, "Yours looks perfect but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love. I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart that fits into the empty place in my heart. But because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared.
"Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his or her heart to me. These are the empty gouges -- giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for those people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"
The young man walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man.
The old man placed it in his heart, then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges.
The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his.
They embraced and walked away side by side.

One cold night the king called Nasreddin to him and said, “If you’re able to spend this night in the courtyard with only your shirt on, I will give you one hundred gold coins!”
In the courtyard Nasreddin saw a stone mill. He began to push it around, faster and faster. When dawn came, he was sweating all over himself.
The king got up and was surprised to see Nasreddin in high sprits. The king hated to lose one hundred gold coins, so he asked, “Was there a moon last night?”
“Then our bargain is off,” said the king. “If there was a moon, it was warm. In that case even I could have spent the night outside!”
A few months later, the king and his men went hunting. It was hot summer and at the edge of the desert it was like a furnace. The king and his men were dying of thirst.
They turned toward Nasreddin’s house in the hope of getting some water. Nasreddin was sitting in the edge of his well when he heard the voice of the king, “Nasreddin, bring some fresh water! Be quick and serve us!”
“Please make yourself at home,” said Nasreddin.
“Where is the water?” cried the king.
“Right here, Your Majesty, you see?” Nasreddin pointed to the well.
“You only show me the water but don’t give me a drink!” fumed the king.
“Your Majesty, if the rays of the moon can warm a person, the sight of water can satisfy his thirst.”
National Day military parade
He lost his arms in an accident that claimed his father's life?who was the main source of support for the family. Since then,he has had to depend on the arms of his younger brother. For the sake of taking care of him,his younger brother became his shadow,never leaving him alone for years. Except for writing with his toes,he was completely unable to do anything in his life.



   On a hot summer day an elderly gentleman faints in the street. A small crowd immediately gathers around him. "Give the poor man a glass of brandy," advises a woman. "Give him a heart massage, " says someone else. "No, just g ...


   Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents."What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman,"he answered. "You'er a good boy,"said the mother proudly."Here are tow cents more ...


   英语笑话 1 A little boy asked his father: Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?The father replied: I don 't know son. I 'm still paying!! 一个小男孩问他的爸爸,结婚要花多少钱?爸爸说:我不知道,因为我仍然在付帐. 2 A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of ma ...


   One or Two 一还是二 Customer: Waiter, I've only got one piece of meat in my dish. Waiter:Just a moment, sir and I'll cut it in two. 顾客:服务员,我盘子里怎么只有一块肉? 服务员:先生,请稍候,我去把它切成两块. I can not see it at all After supper, the parents were busy playing mah-jong wi ...


   1 Improvement One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?" "Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me." 进步 一位学生对另一位说:"你的英语最近 ...


   英语笑话(一) 一人上班老是放响屁,同事忍不住说:你能不能不出声?然后便见他坐在那抖个不停。同事问他在干什么,他答:我现在已经调成振动啦! 蜘蛛深爱着蚂蚁,表达爱意时却遭到拒绝,蜘蛛大吼:“为什么?这一切是为什么?”蚂蚁胆怯地说:“俺妈说了,成天在网上呆着的都不是好人!” 小毛:我妈妈是硕士,爸爸是博士。小新:有什么了不起!小毛:你爸妈是什么士?小新:我爸爸是男士,我妈妈是女士。 0看见8说:小样,胖就胖呗,还扎腰带;7对2说:跪吧,在跪500年也不嫁给你;6对9说:酷就酷呗,还玩倒立;8看见 ...


   If Life Were Like A Computer 假如生活是一台电脑 You could add/remove someone in your life using the control panel. You could put your kids in the recycle bin and restore them when you feel like it! You could improve your appearance by adjusting the display ...


   英语笑话 1. He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有 1000 个人。 -- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的? -- 墓地守墓人。 2. They are directly from America Not long afte ...


   英语笑话 1. Don't work for money The world is filled with smart, talented, educated and gifted people. We meet them every day. A few days ago, my car was not running well. I pulled it into a garage, and the young mechanic had it fixed in just a few min ...


   ?林肯过生日 Teacher: What great event happened in 1809? Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln was born. Teacher: Correct. And what great event happened in 1812? Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday. 老师:1809年发生了什么重大事件? 小威利:亚伯拉罕-林肯诞生。 老师:正确。那么1812 ...



   2011 西安世园会简介 华夏故都,山水之城。西安--中国内陆腹地一座正在崛起的现代化生态化新城。 2011 年,世界园艺博览会将在西安举行。这是继 2008 年北京奥运会、2010 年上海世博会之后,在中国大陆 举办的又一重大国际盛会,是宣传生态文明,提升国家形象的重大机遇。 经世界园艺生产者协会(AIPH)批准、国务院同意,2011 西安世园会由陕西省政府、国家林业局、中国贸促 会、中国花卉协会共同主办,西安市政府承办,将于 2011 年 4 月 28 日至 10 月 22 日在西安mP ...


   Some people believe (argue, recognize, think)that 观点 1. But other people take an opposite side. They firmly believe that 观点 2. As for me, I agree to the former/latter idea. There are a dozen of reasons behind my belief. First of all, 论据 1. More imp ...


   每天一小时 30 天英语过 4 级,彻底颠覆传统学习英语的方法 点击进入, 点击进入,免费观看 高中英语语法总结 高中英语语法总结 组成句子的各个部分叫句子成分。英语句子成分有主语,谓语,表语,宾语, 宾语补足语,定语,状语等。 顺序一般是主语,谓语,宾语,宾语补足语,而表语,定语,状语的位置要 根据情况而定。 1、主语 主语表示句子主要说明的人或事物,一般由名词,代词,数词,不定式等充 当。 Helikeswatch'ingTV.他喜欢看电视。 2、谓语 谓语说明主语的动作,状态或特征。 ...


   2011 年全国硕士研究生入学统一考试英语( 2011 年全国硕士研究生入学统一考试英语(二)试题 Part B Directions:(7 选 5) ) In the following text, some sentences have been removed. For Questions (41-45), choose the most suitable one from the list A-G to fit into each of the numbered blank. The ...


   2009 年高考英语词汇(同义、近义、相似词)精选练习(一) 1. We can't one to change the habits of a lifetime in a short time. A. hope B. wait C. expect D. imagine 2. The noise was so that only those with excellent hearing were aware of it. A. dim B. soft C. faint D. gentle 3 ...