nelt beside me, holding out the canteen, his other hand with the gun steady on the men. 26 I stared at the canteen as if it were a mirage. Hadn't they finished that pint of water this morning? When I looked up at Barrett's ugly face, it was grim. He must have guessed my thoughts.
27 "You said,‘Take over, bos'n, ' didn't you?" he growled. "I've been holding off these apes all day." He lifted the gun in his hand."When you're boss-man," he added, "in command and responsible for the rest ? you ? you sure get to see things different, don't you?" Lesson Five Are you Giving Your Kids Too Much? benjamin Spock
天下的父母哪个不疼爱自己的孩子?天下的父母又有哪个不望子成龙、 盼女成凤?一个 普遍存在的错误观念是:给孩子的越多,越能体现对孩子的爱;相当多的家长对孩子的物质 要求不愿说“不” 。殊不知孩子最需要的是父母对他们的关心和爱护,无节制地满足孩子的 物质愿望不利于他们的健康成长,也不是他们的愿望。有时孩子的哭闹仅仅是发出信号,请 求家长规定界限。家长应该让孩子从小就学习如何面对回绝、挫折和失败。 ? 1 While traveling for various speaking engagements, I frequently stay overnight in the home of a family and am assigned to one of the children's bedrooms. In it, I often find so many playthings that there's almost no room - for my small toilet kit. And the closet is usually so tightly packed with clothes that I can barely squeeze in my jacket. 2 I'm not complaining, only making a point. I think that the tendency to give children an overabundance of toys and clothes is quite common in American families, and I think that in far too many families not only do children come to take their parents' generosity for granted, but also the effects of this can actually be somewhat harmful to children. 3 Of course, I'm not only thinking of the material possessions children are given. Children can also be overindulged with too many privileges - for example, when parents send a child to an expensive summer camp that the parents can't really afford. 4 Why parents give their children too much, or give things they can't afford? I believe there are several reasons. 5 One fairly common reason is that parents overindulge their children out of a sense of guilt. Parents who both hold down full-time jobs may feel guilty about the amount of time they spend away from their children and may attempt to compensate by showering them with material possessions. 6 Other parents overindulge because they want their children to have everything they had while growing up, along with those things the parents yearned for but didn't get. Still others are afraid to say no to their children's endless requests for toys for fear that their children will feel unloved or will be ridiculed if they don't have the same playthings their friends have. 7 Overindulgence of a child also happens when parents are unable to stand up to their children's unreasonable demands. Such parents vacillate between saying no and giving in - but neither response seems satisfactory to them. If they refuse a request, they immediately feel a wave of remorse for having been so strict or ungenerous. If they give in, they feel regret and resentment over having been a pushover. This kind of vacillation not only impairs the parents' ability to set limits, it also sours the parent-child relationship to some degree, robbing parents and their children of some of the happiness and mutual respect that should be present in healthy families. 8 But overindulging children with material things does little to lessen parental guilt (since parents never feel that they've given enough), nor does it make children feel more loved (for what children really crave is parents' time and attention). Instead, the effects of overindulgence can be
harmful. Children may, to some degree, become greedy, self-centered, ungrateful and insensitive to the needs and feelings of others, beginning with their parents. When children are given too much, it undermines their respect for their parents. In fact, the children begin to sense that a parent's unlimited generosity is not right. The paradoxical result may be that these children will push further, unconsciously hoping that, if they push too hard, they will force their parents into setting limits. 9 Also, overindulged children are not as challenged as children with fewer playthings to be more creative in their play. They have fewer opportunities to learn the value of money, and have less experience in learning to deal with a delay in gratification, if every requested object is given on demand. 10 The real purpose of this discussion is not to tell parents how much or how little to give to their children. Rather, my intent is to help those parents who have already sensed that they might be overindulging their children but don't know how to stop. 11 Parents who are fortunate enough not to have a problem with feelings of guilt don't need to respond crossly to their children when denying a specific request which is thought to be unreasonable. They can explain, cheerfully, that it's too expensive - except perhaps as a birthday or holiday gift - or that the child will have to contribute to its purchase from an allowance or from the earnings of an outside job. 12 It's the cheerfulness and lack of hesitation that impress upon the child that parents mean what they say. A cross response signals that the parents are in inner conflict. In fact, I'll make a rash statement that I believe is true, by and large: Children will abide by what their parents sincerely believe is right. They only begin arguing and pestering when they detect uncertainty or guilt, and sense that their parents can be pushed to give them what they want, if they just keep at it. But the truth is that a child really wants parents to be in control - even if it means saying no to a request - and to act with conviction in a kind and loving fashion. 13 But, you may answer, I often am uncertain about whether to give in to many of my children's requests. That doesn't mean you can't change. First you should try to determine what makes you submissive or guilty. Then, even if you haven't uncovered the reason, you should begin to make firm decisions and practice responding to your children's requests in a prompt, definite manner. 14 Once you turn over a new leaf, you can't expect to change completely right away. You are bound to vacillate at times. The key is to be satisfied with gradual improvement, expecting and accepting the occasional slips that come with any change. And even after you are handling these decisions in a firmer and more confident manner, you can't expect your children to respond immediately. For a while they'll keep on applying the old pressures that used to work so well. But they'll eventually come to respect your decisions once they learn that nagging and arguing no longer work. In the end, both you and your children will be happier for it. Lesson Six Culture Shock
在今天的社会里,很少有人一生只在一个地方生活,只在一种环境里活动。一个人在成 长过程中,从幼儿园到小学、中学、乃至大学,不断离开自己熟悉的同伴而进入新的环境。 越来越多的学子走出国门到海外求学。由于各种原因,人们更换工作单位、居住地点,到陌
生的地方去求生存、求发展。环境的变化往往给人们带来各种生理的和心理的不适,甚至压 力。社会学家把这种情况称之为“文化震荡” ,指出这是当今社会的一种流行病,并分析了 其病因、症状、过程和治愈方式。这些分析也许对于预防和治疗此病有一定的作用。 Cause and Symptoms Kalvero Oberg 1 Culture shock might be called an occupational disease of people who have been suddenly transplanted abroad. Like most diseases, it has its own symptoms. 2 Culture shock is caused by the anxiety that results from losing all our familiar signs and symbols of social intercourse. Those signs or cues include the thousand and one ways with which we are familiar in the situation of daily life: when to shake hands and what to say when we meet people, when and how to give tips, how to go shopping, when to accept and when to refuse invitations, when to take statements seriously and when not. These cues, which may be words, gestures, facial expressions, customs, or norms, are acquired by all of us in the course of growing up and are as much a part of our culture as the language we speak or the beliefs we accept. All of us depend for our peace of mind and our efficiency on hundreds of these cues, often without our conscious awareness. 3 Now when a person enters a strange culture, all or most of these familiar cues are removed. He or she is like a fish out of water. No matter how broad-minded or full of goodwill you may be, a series of props have been knocked from under you, followed by a feeling of frustration and anxiety. People react to the frustration in much the same way. First they reject the environment which causes the discomfort. "The ways of the host country are bad because they make us feel bad." When foreigners in a strange land get together to grumble about the host country and its people, you can be sure they are suffering from culture shock. Another symptom of culture shock is regression. The home environment suddenly takes on a tremendous importance. To the foreigner everything becomes irrationally glorified. All the difficulties and problems are forgotten and only the good things back home are remembered. It usually takes a trip home to bring one back to reality. 4 Some of the symptoms of culture shock are excessive washing of the hands; excessive concern over drinking water, food dishes, and bedding; fear of physical contact with attendants; the absent-minded stare; a feeling of helplessness and a desire for dependence on long term residents of one's own nationality; fits of anger over minor frustrations; great concern over minor pains and eruptions of the skin; and finally, that terrible longing to be back home. 5 Individuals differ greatly in the degree in which culture shock affects them. Although not common, there are individuals who cannot live in foreign countries. However, those who have seen people go through culture shock and on to a satisfactory adjustment can see steps in the process. Stages of Adjustment Raymond Zeuschner 6 Kalvero Oberg describes four stages that people go through when they experience situations that are very different from those to which they are accustomed. Examples of such
situations include moving to a new city, traveling to a new country, and becoming part of a new organization, military unit or corporation. 7 Stage one is a honeymoon phase, during which the new experience is perceived to be interesting, picturesque, entertaining, and charming. You may notice several superficial differences such as music, food, and clothing, and the fresh appeal of the new experience keeps you feeling interested and positive. If you are a real tourist, you probably do not stay long enough for this phase to wear off but go on to the next new location or experience. There are people who frequently change jobs, majors, romantic partners, travel plans, clothing styles, foods, diets, or cars so that they never get very far away from the honeymoon stage of culture shock. It is very pleasant to travel and to try out and explore whatever is new. 8 When you stay in a new environment for a while, you move to stage two - the crisis stage in which the shine wears off and day to-day realities sink in. In a relationship, you notice annoying habits; in a new country, you find barriers to establishing connections or to learning the language beyond a few polite phrases. Suddenly, your new major includes a class or a professor you dislike. The difficulties and unpleasantness of reality replace the charming and picturesque "honeymoon." However, if you stick with the experience and try to deal with it realistically, you will probably move to the third phase of culture shock: recovery. 9 In recovery, you learn the systems, procedures, language, or nonverbal behaviors of the new environment so that you can cope with it on the basis of some mastery, competence, and comfort. After about two weeks in London, I began to feel familiar with traveling by "tube," shopping nearly every day for groceries, paying in the correct currency, buying a newspaper, and using some phrases that are unique to English people. I had the advantage of speaking the same basic language and of sharing a great deal with the English in some broad, cultural aspects. In a country that was very different from my own, it would probably have taken me longer to move into the recovery phase. 10 Finally, the fourth, or adjustment, phase occurs when you feel that you function well and almost automatically in the new culture. You no longer need to make mental conversions of the country's money; you know where services are located and how to use them; you understand some of the customs that accompany ordinary life, and it is relatively easy for you to adjust to them. A greater enjoyment of the new experience is now possible, and you may regain some of the initial positive regard you had in the honeymoon stage. If you stay long enough on a visit from a big city to a small town, or, the other way r
 

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